To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

Nonsense. True independence comes from supporting kids to try things when they are ready. I travelled solo throughout my twenties, but as a kid, I was scared to stay away from home till I was 11 or so. So glad my parents cared about my wellbeing and happiness enough not to force me to go away.

How could you enjoy the weekend knowing your Ds was miserable?

We have no family support at all, Ds aged 13 has autism and complex needs. We haven’t had a night to ourselves since he was born.

No I wouldn’t. You said he’s been on a camp previously and didn’t like it. So he has tried it.

My ds1 went to all the camps, but he actually wanted to go. Ds2 wouldn’t like it.

Neither is wrong. I don’t think at 9 you need to worry, he’s just not ready.

I do get the wanting a weekend to yourself, but I wouldn’t do it at the cost of ds bring unhappy. It’s not like packing them off to grandmas for the night.

Honestly I think that’s really cruel to your son. Some are ready for overnights earlier than others. Forcing him is just mean, however you try to excuse it to yourself.

Encourage yes.

Make him... no. You'll just put him off completely. Children who don't want to be there upset all the other children as well.

Totally agree, it’s good to try new things and realise they’re actually fun.

My parents never made a fuss about things like this but it was very much ‘off you go then’ no nonsense and I’m glad of it now.

Would you really enjoy your weekend knowing your 8yo wasn’t enjoying themselves?

Try and persuade him by talking positively about it but if he still doesn’t want to I wouldn’t force an 8 year old, he’s still quite young.
Also better to just not send him than to get a call late at night because he won’t settle and you have to pick him up!

As others have said, encourage but don't force. Are any of his close friends going, that may make a difference?
I run a Rainbows unit and in dozens of sleepovers and overnight trips we have never had a child ask to go home, I think most are fine once they are there even if they have a few wobbles before. But they aren't for everyone, and we have a few that have never done an overnight trip, and that's ok, they still get lots of benefits from attending the weekly meetings.

I think forcing your 8 year old to spend a night away camping, especially when he has already had a miserable experience of this, would be incredibly selfish.

I would say that you know your child best and how much he will enjoy it when he gets there or will it put him off trying again. If one goes and one doesn't then it will be a different dynamic at home and that might be nice for you all. If I genuinely felt my son wouldn't enjoy it I wouldn't make them go. I wouldn't be factoring in my need for a break as hopefully at these ages they are pretty independent day to day at home.

Also, going on camps is not "the whole point of scouting"! My daughter has been at beavers/cubs for 3 years now and has been on one camp in that time. She loves the weekly sessions and has had a great time at those. Some kids don't want to go on any of the camps and that's fine.

If it was his first camp I'd encourage him to give it a go but given that he's been before and didn't enjoy it I wouldn't try to make him go again until he feels ready.

If he has never tried it then it would have been different but given he’s already done one and hated it I think it’s a bit mean to insist he does another just to allow you some time (which I completely understand btw). He needs to come to terms with it in his own time. Also if it was me I’d just end up worrying until he was home.

If you do send him personally I wouldn’t give him a lavender pillow spray to take!

I can see your dilemma but it’s a risk that if you make him go and he doesn’t want to go again you’re in a worse position in the future.

If it’s just quality time you want then maybe take some AL of with each other. If you have no overnight support have a look at the dayuse app. You can book a hotel room and facilities for the day at a cheaper rate if you wanted to “connect”

I'm a brownie leader and with some of our nervous ones, we offer them to come along for the day activities, stay for tea and then go home before the others go to bed. Could you see if the scout leaders will facilitate that?

At least then you and your DH would get the day together and child free. You could book a nice lunch somewhere and make the most of the afternoon.

It also means the next year, they are usually happy to stay over as its all less daunting for them.

Our son who is autistic tried one of the Cubs day camps and came back traumatised by the number of people and how loud and chaotic it was. Have you seen the number of people who attend these events??

He still goes to Cubs but would never do a camp again. I can't blame him at all as I detested staying out when I was a kid too. Camping would make it even worse. Some people love it but it's not for us.

We hardly have nights without kids either so I wouldn't make them go.

I can’t respect the views of people who say snowflake.

I would encourage him to go but don't mention the fact you are looking forward to a child free weekend. He's been before and this time his older brother is going too right, so he'll have a sibling there which changes things. Perhaps request if they can bunk together? I think these opportunities are great. Builds resilience and gives them experience of an overnight before they go on a big year 6 residential trip which are often for 4 nights. Focus on the positives and try to build his confidence.

i also think 8 is young to be away when they don’t want to be. Totally get why you’re desperate for some adult time though! Maybe they’ll be ready next year….

This is absurd. The poor kid’s 8. Even if you want to use the term ‘snowflake’ (which I’m not sure any reasonable person ever seriously would) it doesn’t apply here as Scout camps aren’t compulsory.

In adult life there are plenty of optional, hobby-related things people choose not to do cos they don’t fancy them.

The OP should let her boy be at home, and suck up not having a weekend away.

I would encourage him to go but wouldn’t force him if he really didn’t want to. 8 is still young for overnights, and if he’s really upset you may be asked to pick him up early anyway. You don’t want one bad experience to put him off future trips, if he’s not ready then he shouldn’t go. Are his friends going?

He’s only 8. No way would I make him go. The snowflake fear is ridiculous and I think sending him to overnight camp when he was even younger was too young and hasn’t helped. They don’t do overnight school trips till y6. It’s perfectly normal to want to be home at age 8 and there’s no unassailable value to scout camp that means he needs to go there when he doesn’t like it. You just want a date night. Get a babysitter. Get an overnight babysitter and stay in a hotel, or indeed go camping if you’re so keen on it. But I couldn’t enjoy myself and nor could DH if we’d made our DS go away when he was scared just to suit ourselves.

I really get it, we haven't had a night off for many years and am going to look into pgl weekends when younger one turns 8 as I can't see other way of them both being away at once.
But they do change - when my older one was 8ish he was going through a really anxious phase and worried for months about the yr 4 school residential (did go though and had a good time). He is so much better now and skipped off to the year 6 residential with barely a backward glance... So you might find it changes a lot?
Agree with trying to discuss whether there's anything specific that bothers him and whether there's anything that might help with that.

I wouldn't. Mine had a bad experience with scouts, nothing like the level of organisation or fun that school trips bring.