To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

I wouldn't force him, no. Of course have a chat with him about why he doesn't want to go, discuss some coping strategies and encourage him to go without any pressure but if he is saying he doesn't want to then you need to respect that. I get that the prospect of some child free time is exciting but he's a kid and you're the adult so his needs come first here.

We had similar with my 10 year old over the year 6 residential. Ultimately it was his decision whether to go or not and I said it was OK to back out right up to the last minute - he did decide to go and he did enjoy aspects of it but he said he wouldn't do it again and that's fair enough as he tried and at the moment overnight stays away from home are not for him. Your son has tried the camp and doesn't want to go again at this point in time, respect that.

i couldn’t have a nice weekend knowing my 8 year old could potentially be unhappy.

Secure kids make confident choices. You should encourage him of course but not force him to- and given he has already tried it and hated it then I’d not be surprised if he ends up going and just coming home early if you make him go. He’s only 8, it’s not like he’s always going to be scared of overnights (unless he’s always made to endure them when he’s confided his discomfort).

OP, would you be contemplating pushing your son into this if you were just staying at home this weekend? It's clearly something that needs to wait till he's a bit older.

How long ago was the first trip that he hated? Personally I think it’s good for kids to be a bit uncomfortable, they get over and realise they can do stuff. At one point my DD was really anxious, I basically made her do stuff and now she’s an enthusiastic “I’ll give it a go” kind of person. Her fundamental personality hasn’t changed but she’ll take a deep breath and crack on.

My approach may seem a bit brutal but it’s informed by how I was treated for my own anxiety disorder (not saying your has anxiety, mine was a bit anxious not an anxiety sufferer).

Not at age 8, it isn't.

Cub leader here. Please don’t persuade him if he’s not ready. It’s difficult when we have a child who is struggling as it can also unsettle other children. Leave it a year they have plenty of time to go to cub camp if they are only 8. We have 2 cubs coming this year who didn’t come last year as they weren’t ready. Hopefully a year has made a big difference to them.

God I wish there was an eye roll reaction button on here 🙄

I think that would be very unreasonable personally. He's tried it before, he didn't enjoy it, he was upset at night and didn't sleep well. No way I'd be able to relax at all or enjoy a "glorious" child free weekend, id just feel worried about my child the whole time.

Oh get to fuck. He’s 8 years old. Funnily enough, putting a child into a situation they find frightening does not ‘toughen them up’, it leaves them more frightened. He’s already done it before and hated it.
Op if it was some sort of day camp I’d probably say go for it. But forcing a child to a place they don’t like and not letting them come home overnight is a bit cruel. How far is this camp? Could you take him but pick him up if he gets overwhelmed or scared?

We had the same issue of no family help (and 3 kids). Can you instead get him in a weekend sleepover. We used to do swaps with other parents, quite often ending up with about 8 kids at ours and then get favours back. Sleeping over at someone else's is much less daunting. We went a couple of times for two nights.

Encourage - don’t force.

for his sake, not for the sake of you and DH having a weekend off

You are being incredibly selfish. I understand your reasons why, but to me they're not good enough to purposely upset your child like that.

Further thought - is there an option for your DH to be a volunteer parent helper for the camp? DS gets a full experience, comfort of having his DD there and you hit the jackpot with a whole weekend to yourself - the possibilities!

Not to mention very unfair on those running the camp, the majority of which will be volunteers giving up their own time. The other children taking part are also likely to be impacted negatively.

We have experience of varied camps and trips both with 2DS and DH as cub leader. There has been an option for the younger ones with similar first time fears to your DS to be collected after camp fire in the evening and brought back early for breakfast. If your camp is close by this could be an option that keeps DS as part of the group. You get the daytime together and an exhausted DS overnight who should sleep very soundly. Might be a way to ease him back in without fear - he also may change his mind once there. Be flexible, take what you can and enjoy without feeling guilty. Good luck 😊

I'm a single parent and haven't had a child free night or day ever. Dc is 6. No way would I force them to do something they didn't want to do especially an overnight stay.

YANBU
My DS was 6 the first time he went camping with scouts. I think he should go, it’ll be good for him and definitely good for you and DH. Just talk it through with him and speak about how to cope if he gets scared etc.

He’s quite young to be strongly encouraged to go - 10 I would really push but not 8

He’s only 8 and he’s already tried it once and really didn’t like it. I think you have to respect that and I wouldn’t be haranguing him into going now lest he’s put off scouts entirely. He’ll probably want to go again when he’s older - there will be other weekends.

Talk to him about it and see what might help him feel comfortable to go again. Definitely don’t force him - but I am pretty sure you weren’t suggesting doing that, despite many of the replies!

We had the same situation and were keen for youngest to go off with his brother to a weekend camp - but youngest was always way less keen than brother on these camps and in the end, 10 mins before we were about to take them to the coach, younger one bottled it and was crying and upset. We’re not going to force a crying child onto a coach! Hasty negotiations and we ended up taking him for each of the days activities and collecting him at the end of the day. We agreed with scout leader that this wouldn’t be the “new normal” but it was a great way of getting him more accustomed to the idea. Next time, he went on the camp. Still not as big a fan as older brother but he is much happier if he knows the people who will be in his tent well.

I think going to camps is the main point of scouts for parents! I would try and persuade him , if it’s still a no I would stop mentioning it to him and big up the camp to his brother hoping that his fomo might kick in. If still a hard no I would try for the day and arrange to pick him up in the evening as a compromise if that’s at all possible . Also would it be an option for you and DH to book a hotel near the camp you could have a weekend away and ds might feel braver if he knows you’re nearby? Can I also suggest army cadets for the future , they have to be 12 but the camps are brilliant , similar to pgl activities but about £80 for 10 days. Just something to look forward to for you! My dd could dismantle clean and reassemble a rifle at 13. She. Got her marksman skill at arms on a camp which was fantastic for her confidence.

Scout leader here - encourage attendance. It’s so worthwhile for them!
We recently came back from our joint cub and scout camp, they were too tired to be upset in the evenings. On the second night they were asking to go to bed.
Our group of leaders do lots of reassurance, patting, comforting on various camps with cubs and beaver aged young people.

Encourage but don’t force or guilt-trip him.

But he has tried it and he said he was scared and didn’t like it.

Hes only 9, just because he doesn’t want to stay out overnight now doesn’t mean he never will.

i think that forcing things before your child is ready can actually make them more nervous and break trust.