To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

Think of the AIBU your 8 yo would write?
How does that make you feel as his parent?
Pushing your young children out of their comfort zones is something you can do yourself NOT by packing him off to camp.
Find some childcare if you want some time alone with your DH.

YABU. I understand wanting him to give things a go, but he's already tried it and hated it. So this isn't a case of "I'm sure he'll enjoy it once he's there", you openly admit you're putting him in a situation you know he won't enjoy because you want a childfree weekend. That's not ok in my view. How could you possibly enjoy yourself knowing he was likely miserable?

Resilience doesn't come from being pushed into situations that make you feel shit, it comes from feeling secure in your relationships. Personally, I would want to send a message to my child that his parents will always listen to him and consider his feelings, that's how trust is built. If you ignore his feelings at 8, don't be surprised when he doesn't confide in you about his feelings at 15.

Yabu - your desire for a child-free weekend should not trump your 8 year old’s fear of spending the night away. That is still so young, and completely normal to be worried being away from home overnight, especially as he has already tried it and felt uncomfortable.

I’m all for coaxing kids out of their comfort zone and encouraging them to do things that might seem scary at first but if he’s really scared then sending him away overnight at that age against his wishes is cruel.

Encourage him to go but tell him if he really doesn't want him to you won't make him go, tell him you will be at the end of the phone if there are any problems.

Is there any friends from scouts that could come over and have a sleep over at your house? Stick them in a tent in the back garden, give him a taster while you are right in the house next door?

So you would rather have your 8year old scared and upset away from home than miss out on a some free time?

Thats shocking and appalling parenting.

by all means try and build his resilience for next time but to force him to go is cruel.

Trying again should be encouraged, though. Actually reading the OP again I think a 1 night camp would be a far better start.

Encourage him to try. And be prepared to collect him at midnight or 3am if necessary, he might stay if he knows he can go home.
But don't book a hotel 200miles away and tell the volunteers that you aren't coming back early to collect your distraught child. I was a Brownies leader once, never again.

I opt out of nearly everything, every day of my life. There are always a lot more things I am not doing than doing, many of them very difficult indeed. For example this morning I didn't set out on an expedition to climb K2, I didn't go parachuting and I didn't try and row across the Atlantic Ocean. I'm just a snowflake, clearly.

It doesn’t hurt to try to talk him into it, but if he’s adamant that he doesn’t want to, you can’t force him. Especially as he’s been before, so he does know what it’s like - this is not a kid refusing to try something new.

The idea of wanting time for you and your husband is not a good reason to force it. Many parents never manage to get a completely child-free break.

You'd think so but seemingly not!

This. And sorry, but you are the parent, your wish for a childfree weekend is not relevant.

That only holds really if he'd never done one. As he's done one before, he knows that for him, at this time, they are not fun.

You could try to persuade him and they are fun but you shouldn't go very far away and also you should be available to pick him up at any time if required by the scout leaders. So that means being able to drive (not being too drunk to drive) to collect him if necessary.

What is there to be scared about at cub camp? Especially as his sibling will be there. I would strongly encourage him to go

Could you really enjoy a weekend knowing your little one was sad? I just don’t get the obsession with “child free” time. Childhood really just is a snapshot of your life and there is plenty of time when they are grown up.

Absolutely.

I ‘opted’ out of all sorts of crap stuff as adult and child. And I’m pleased l did.

Surely that toughen them up attitude of pre war era has well and truly gone.

Agree I'd offer bribes too!

I wouldn’t force an 8 year old who’s afraid of the dark. Depending on what the other kids are like, he may feel he can’t tell anyone when he’s afraid in case he gets teased. Does he have a good friend there, who’ll be kind to him? 8 yr olds can be pretty merciless.

I’d encourage him to go. Talk to him about all the fun stuff they’re going to do. Ask what he’s most afraid of. Is it going to the loo in the night or being in the tent with others? Does he have a head torch? Are you sure being afraid of the dark isn’t an excuse because he’s feels uncomfortable generally, is being picked on or doesn’t like the leader (they’re obvs volunteers rather than paid teachers and may not use modern best practice with kids, e.g. be a bit harsh). Are they much older than most teachers?

Have you spoken to the scout leader about this (with your son’s permission) so they can reassure him and keep an eye. I’d certainly do this if you make him go. I’m sure it’s quite common. Don’t leave it to your DS to let them know. He may be too embarrassed and suffer in tears in silence.

Do you camp as a family? My DSs always loved camping, but we camped ourselves, so they were used to it. If he generally enjoys scouts and it’s only the camping that’s a problem, maybe go on a few family camping trips this summer, so he gets used to the dark with you there. You needn’t go far. Just the nearest campsite for one night.

Snowflake😂

Forcing your child to do something they don’t want to do and expecting them to be fine.

Isnt this bullying in adults?

l love ‘snowflakes’ they tend to be sensitive and kind.

I recommend bribes - offer anything! The joy of a child free weekend cannot be underestimated! Good luck 🤞

I was forced to go on a trip I really didn't want to go on when I was 12. Literally begged my Mum not to send me. I'd been on previous trips and was fine, just knew I really didn't want to go on this particular one. I was sent regardless. 30 years later I still feel resentful about it. Did I enjoy the trip in the end? No I didn't!! Did going make me a better, stronger person? No it didn't!!

I was an anxious child, but as an adult I've had quite an adventurous life, well travelled (including solo) and lived in several different cities. I'm 100% certain I've have turned out exactly the same even if I hadn't been forced onto that trip. So, not keeping them at home won't turn them into a snowflake. But they will very much appreciate you having their back.

It’s very selfish when you know he won’t enjoy it.

Is it just the night he doesn't like? My niece went on camp last year. Very unsettled as it got dark. They called SIL saying you might need to pick up early tomorrow but once she'd spent the night and realised she could do it she was fine.
Doesn't sound like that's the case here though. He's tried it and didn't like it. I understand your desire for some child free time but I think you'll have to wait a while unfortunately. He's told you no. Would you enjoy the weekend knowing he's upset/not enjoying himself?

He's only 8 and scared. He's been before and didn't like it.
You could try and talk him into it, but if he really doesn't come around then you are being extremely selfish if you force him.

We have never had nights away from our kids as zero family support and both hated sleepovers. It’s called parenting. If you want time to yourselves get a babysitter for an evening or take annual leave and have a day out when the kids are at school.