To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

'encouraging" is not "making them go" get a grip.

I wouldn’t make him go. I was made to stay away from home at that age and I hated it. I cried myself to sleep, and then panicked about having to be away from home until I was fifteen or so. Kindness can build resilience just as much or more than being tough.

he is not nervous about a first trip away, he went before and HATED it.

These things are run by volunteers, they have a reasonable expectation that the kids want to be there and can cope with it. They are not your childcare, if your child can’t cope it isn’t fair to expect them to deal with it just so you can have some adult time.

Ask him why he is scared of going on the camp. My child was the same but I did encourage him to go on trips and he ended up having a great time. If there is no legitimate reason why he doesn't want to go apart from being nervous about a first trip away then I would encourage him to go. Could you and DH stay nearby so if there were any issues and you have to go to him, then you wouldn't be too far away? Maybe that would reassure him. Hopefully he'll be having too much fun to look for you!

@republicofjam

yes, yes she did. My children didn’t want to go to a scout camp and I encouraged them to go and now they never talk to me and are no contact and I will die all alone in a home.
🙄

Would it be possible for him to go just for the day and do the activities?

Or to go with his overnight stuff but with a promise you will get him at any time if it gets too much?

Did @User2346 touch a nerve? 😬

I’d offer a compromise- say that going to the camp is not negotiable, but that they don’t need to sleepover and that if they want to come home after dinner they can.
Enjoy an afternoon child free and if the cub leaders say that they are still happy to sleepover then consider that a bonus

And we see this so often these years.
We have decided to call the parents first thing now and not spend hours on homesick crying children not wanting to take part in activities.
We have spend soooo much time dealing with this. Voluntary.
I have been thinking of quitting as a girl guide leader because of girls taking part in camps against their own will.

I would start with a sleepover at a friend.

My DS hated sleepovers etc. He wasn't clingy or homesick he just liked sleeping in his own bed, alone.
We did push him a few times to do Scout trips and school residentials and he hated every one. Even now at 16 if one of his mates stays they sleep in the spare room. He is most certainly not a "snowflake", he is pretty independent and resilient but if he has any choice he will not share sleeping space with anyone.

I can see where you are coming from but I wouldn't do it OP

@User2346

must be so hard for parents like you, constantly fearful that your kids are going cut you off and go no contact. It’s a scout weekend. Get some perspective.

It really isn't fair to do this to the leaders on the trip. They are volunteers and I know from my experience as a Guide leader that sending kids who don't want to be there is bloody hard work. Plus if he's overly upset they will just call you to come and get him anyway!

I came up with a different solution - encouraged DH to become a scout leader. So now I get weekends to myself!

Scout leader (younger sections) here. OP, I get it - I have no family help either and it can feel relentless when you're parenting in that setup. I also agree to some extent that once a kid is actually at the camp, they usually settle and enjoy it - I've had many nervous campers who've got stuck in and had a lovely time after the initial wobbles.

But: if they don't get over those initial wobbles, it's pretty disruptive managing the situation. It takes adults away from supervising the other kids (because of course we cannot be 1:1 with a Scout), and it can upset the other kids too. Selfishly, as an adult volunteer, I would feel like there were already enough demands on me without having to deal with that as well.

Could he attend for the day - with no pressure to stay the night - so as to get him comfortable with the whole camp thing? Then next time, maybe he'll be confident enough to stay for the duration. Ask your leaders what they think.

I am quite surprised how many people are saying to send him.
Imagine if this was a school trip and the poster said their child didn't want to go but school insisted they would be missing out and they would be fine once there. Everyone would be outraged..

Also suggesting the parents bribe him is also wrong. Imagine you have been asked to do something that is meant to be fun as an adult and you know you will hate but are being forced to do it. Would you still do it? Would it change your mind? Think about whether you say no to things because you know you have tried before and didn't like it. If a friend said come on, I will buy you a drink if you do this does that make a difference?

I think if they have clearly said they don't want to go and have tried before and the parents have told them what they are missing out on and they still don't want to go then they shouldn't be made to. I would feel upset at my parents for not listening to me.

If it’s doesn’t work out this time, OP what about you and your husband booking of a day of annual leave and going for a spa day or lunch and cocktails, whatever you like to get some adult only time! @JambonetFromage

💯

I’d try and encourage him as he’d ultimately enjoy it

Really?! People cut off family because they were sent on a weekend away with the scouts once in their childhood...?! Crazy stuff.

home sickness is horrible.

@JambonetFromage I spent loads of time on camps as a child, and later as an adult volunteer. There is always someone who's homesick, but the trick is to make sure they're with their friends. Guaranteed, your DS will be fine as long as he's distracted and feels safe. They basically need a support system to get them out of the door, and to make them feel safe while they're away from home. (Dumping them and running is a guaranteed midnight phonecall asking to be picked up!!)

I'd speak to his pack leader and just mention you're keen for him to go and feel part of the group. Having someone outside of the family convince him it's a good idea may be more effective.

Camps can be so good for building confidence and getting children to try independence in a safe environment.

I think earlier suggestion of sleepover outside is a good place to start if he really doesn't want to go.

All the parents on here who think their need for a child free weekend trumps their child’s feelings please don’t come on here in a few years time moaning you have no relationship with your kids or barely see your grandchildren.

I'm erring towards no. Dh and I are similar in that we have a lack of family support so we actually got our first night without children in the past 10 years last month thanks to Scouting. It was a Group Camp so dc1 went with Cubs, dc2 went with Beavers and we had a lovely night in a hotel close to where they were camping. But both mine have been camping with Scouts since the age of 6 and they absolutely love it.

However, I've also helped at camps and sometimes the kids pushed into being there get very little out of it. Fear of the night time can ruin their enjoyment of the activities during the day.

Even without the prospect of a childfree weekend in front of you, I'd be encouraging him to go.

As it stands, if you have no family support, chances like this are incredibly rare/virtually non existent. It's a weekend away with the scouts FFS, not borstal... he'll be fine.

It's so hard parenting without a break...you deserve a night off