To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

You invite a DC friend for a sleepover then wait for an invite back. Do often with both children with a range of friends. Reciprocal invitations will flood in. Then coordinate - oh little Jeremy/Florence isn’t free that weekend, can you do the following one? If you are friends with your DC parents you can also coordinate sleepovers so they get a night off another time. I used to host a lot of sleepovers, can you tell?

YABU , he is 8 which is still very little and he’s tried it before and didn’t enjoy it . It is not your childs fault that you have no family support for babysitting

Too young if he has expressed he doesn’t want to. I used to hate sleepovers at primary school. If you force him to go now you may find he will become fearful of future school trips unnecessarily. Camping also can be a bit more scary overnight than say a school trip.

There is no harm in encouraging but as an ex Guide leader my heart sank reading your post. The scout leaders are all volunteers giving up their time and it is in my opinion incredibly selfish of you to try to force a child to do something he really is not happy about just so you and your husband can be together. I've been there with a very upset homesick child who can't go home because both parents have, by their own admission had too much to drink to be legal to drive. The leaders will have to spend a disproportionate amount of time looking out for your child to the detriment of all the other children. No wonder Guiding/scouting /cadets etc are finding it hard to recruit leaders.

Did you not read the op? He has tried it and he didn't like it

1. Forcing them is NEVER a good beginning.
2. Forcing them because you want a night off is poor parenting.
3. He HAS tried it and didn't like it, doesn't want to go again.

How are the kids supposed to find out whether or not they like it if they wont try it?

New user (or username), one post, not been back.

Of course you should try to encourage him, and it’s perfectly natural to crave child free time, but he is only 8 and I think that’s very young still for camp. Not that they shouldn’t go if they are happy with it, but DS clearly isn’t and I think that’s probably pretty normal for his age.
As others have said, can you ask him what specifically he is afraid of and try to address that or come up with strategies to manage his fears? If it’s the separation maybe he could FaceTime before he goes to sleep? Does he have a particular friend there that he could buddy up with? Do scout leaders maybe have ideas for settling anxious kids?
Ultimately if he really doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go. At least you’ll have only one child for the weekend! I know it’s not the same but by age 8, even though you can’t go out obviously, they aren’t as full on and needing as much direct input all the time as younger kids (not sure if your other dc is older or younger) and will be in bed reasonably early, allowing you to watch a movie, get takeaway or do…..whatever….

I would encourage, if this is fruitless talk to him about what he is worried about or if he cannot explain to draw a picture.

If you force him he could enjoy it, but more likely become more introverted, anxious and possibly distrust you.
could you organise a little campfire / overnight sleepover in a tent in your garden, maybe add some nightlights and a new magic blanket (I find saying something could be magical helps when young, 8-9 not sure but worth a go).

yes of course if he loves the cubs camp it will be magical, but I think help before hand is key.

If he is really against it personally I wouldn’t but up to you, if he is a real no how about a sleepover at a friends or family if you need a night out. It’s about what is best for them imo.

I went all over with the brownies and guides, went on an international jamboree with Americans and Canadians, had the best time. Is it far away where you could go get him if he really wasn’t happy? IE don’t tell him that but tell his leaders? If he’s really overly worried then I’d maybe not force it but it would usually be so good for kids to experience these trips for life skills etc

I know this almost certainly isn't what is going on here, and it's just a young child who doesn't like camping/the dark without their family.

But.... A combination of my brother's cub leader later getting convicted of CSA offences, and my own work in safeguarding, means there is no way I would insist on a child going to a camp if they were reluctant.

And that's not to derogate or taint all the amazing volunteers out there (I am a volunteer myself) but really I find it astonishing a parent wouldnt respect their child's wishes in this situation

As a Beavers and Cubs leader - please don’t do this. If he doesn’t want to go, that should be that. We have an overnight tonight and I’m looking at the attendee list wondering if some of the parents even know their own children because we know those children are going to be miserable the entire time. They don’t want to be there and have been packed away for the night so their parents get a break. It’s selfish when they’re still this young.

Is he actually just scared of the dark and night or is it the outdoor activities. I am not an outdoor activity kind of person. Happily went on school orchestra tours, sleepovers but the PGL holiday was just not me, those activities were not for me!

Try to encourage him, for his sake, not yours. He might have a great time. It would be a shame to miss out.

However, if he really doesn't want to go, your home is his home too. It should always be his place of safety. He should ALWAYS be welcome.

Massively worried? Can you not appreciate that people are different? Maybe he doesn’t think it would be fun. Maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable with the kids or the helpers. Maybe he feels uneasy if it’s his first time.

Some kids love reading, others don’t. Some kids love gaming, others don’t. Some kids love dancing, others don’t. Some kids love sleepovers, others don’t. Why are you so shocked that a kid might not want to go camping?!

Rather than call people snowflakes for having different tastes, why don’t you open your mind up to the fact that people are different and that’s a good thing.

I’ll add too that Brownies camp now are totally different to when I was a kid. They are very girl-led, no one is forced to take part in activities they don’t want to, if they’re upset they are comforted (a lot of leaders are mums themselves and pretty good at dealing with upset kids), there is downtime, quiet space for those who need, girls pick their meals from a menu before going so no one is eating stuff they don’t like, etc. It’s not stiff upper lip, kids forced to abseil down mountains, max discipline stuff. At the last camp, two girls got homesick on night two and I took them away for some snacks and a chat and we looked at some silly cat videos and listened to some music to cheer them up until they felt like they wanted to join back in with the games.

I can’t speak for Scouts but I’d be surprised if they didn’t run similarly, but the leaders should be open to a discussion about it and how they handle upset or nervous kids.

Of course if he’s really against going I wouldn’t force it, but I’d explore what is worrying him and see if you can find solutions to it first.

Agree

I’m a Brownies leader and we do two-night camps for the girls (who are 7-about to turn 10). There’s a real mix sometimes, we do sometimes get a bit of homesickness but we’ve never had a girl go home because of it, we’ve always dealt with it there and they’ve then wanted to continue to stay. I agree with PPs that you could look at him going for day with the option of being picked up (he might get to near bedtime and not want to go home!) and speak to the leaders, who are probably very experienced with dealing with homesickness at camp. It’s not unusual, but I know from my Brownies that they feel super proud of themselves and accomplished after they complete a camp.

This. It’s selfish in the extreme.

How pathetic - you’d be ‘massively worried’?! Lots of 8 year olds (probably most) aren’t ready to go away from home.

Agreed. I understand how hard parenting is with little to no support but this is not the way to get your break. He’s vocalised that he’s scared and doesn’t want to do it. I don’t understand how you could enjoy your child free time knowing your son had a bad experience the last time. You will just teach him that his feelings aren’t as important as your own time and that’s not remotely fair on him. In the not too distant future he will be grown enough to be less dependent on you. I’m not trying to be condescending here but this is literally being a parent and it’s rubbish but that’s just life sadly. Don’t dismiss your son’s fears for your own gain it’s awful and it’s selfish.

No, I wouldn’t make him go and no he won’t become a ‘snowflake’. He just isn’t ready yet.

My DD was very anxious about staying away from us and a bad experience involving a drunk mum at her first sleepover made it much worse. She refused to go on PGL and I didn’t make her.

Shes now 12 and has spent the last year sleeping over at any of her friends houses as often as she can lol.

As you slip DS some money, sweets, toys etc play the Camp Granada song in the background 🤞

I've been a Cub leader for coming up to 9 years now.

There are always children who don't want to come on camp. Some its homesickness. Some don't like camping. Some aren't ready. Some the parents aren't ready.

Its perfectly OK for an 8yo to not want to be out "adventuring".