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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking that you shouldn't impose your celebrations on the entire street?

262 replies

Tryinghardtobefair · 16/04/2025 00:29

We had a letter through the door yesterday from a house on our cul-de-sac. It informed us that they will be having wedding celebrations from the 14th-21st April, and that there may be increased cars and loud music but they will try to keep disruption to a minimum. They apologised in advance for any inconvenience caused. They've left their number so people can let them know if they have any concerns.

The music and bad singing is so loud that I can hear it in every single room of the house including the back bedrooms, despite the fact that they live at the top of the cul-de-sac and I live at the bottom so our gardens face in completely different directions.

My husband is sleeping downstairs because it's the only way to somewhat escape it and he has to work. As I've typed this the music has been ramped up so high that I can hear it word for word through closed double glazing. I'm at least 5 houses away.

If it was one night I wouldn't be bothered about it, but there's another 5 nights to go, and clearly the party isn't winding down because the music keeps getting louder. I just don't think it's fair that this is being imposed on the entire street for a week.

AIBU?

OP posts:
jasflowers · 16/04/2025 08:34

PinataHeeHaw · 16/04/2025 00:45

You can contact an out of hours noise nuisance person at the council.

ha ha!! as if they'll have one of those!! it'll be at best, an answer phone.

@BellissimoGecko Noise is considered a "civil" issue... the issue is supposed to be dealt with by councils but they have slashed funding for this and i know of one case where they accepted the noise from a 'club was too loud but then told the neighbours they wouldn't do anything about it.

BellissimoGecko · 16/04/2025 08:30

They sound like absolutely shit neighbours.
Why won’t the police do anything??

Thisismetooaswell · 16/04/2025 08:29

If you’re understandably worried about asking them to turn it down, buy ear plugs and have a large glass of wine or two before bed to knock you out

Whynotaxthisyear · 16/04/2025 08:29

The problem is the noise level surely. You could tell them that it’s all great except that the music needs turning down at 10pm so people can sleep.

Namechangedforgoodreasons · 16/04/2025 08:26

They've left their number so people can let them know if they have any concerns. Yet you/your husband still don’t want to contact them to let them know your concerns and prefer to complain here (you) or become ill (him).

Surely it would be possible to contact them politely, congratulate them on the wedding, wish them well but explain about the effect the noise had on you last night (tell them what time you/DH have to get up for work) and ask them to dial it back/finish earlier for the rest of the week. Surely the other residents of your street have the same problem - you could try speaking to them and banding together. If the noisy family ignored you and it was the same every night, then you would be justified in complaining here or elsewhere.

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 16/04/2025 08:22

I would put a congratulations card through the door and ask that the music is quieter tonight

PopeJoan2 · 16/04/2025 08:22

It is only one week. Buy ear plugs and go to bed.

Delphey · 16/04/2025 08:15

Tryinghardtobefair · 16/04/2025 02:30

Yes I am going to moan because my husband has had to escape to the sofa to get some sleep before work.

For what it's worth my husband is disabled and a lack of sleep causes him to "crash" resulting in him being completely out of action for 1-2 weeks. Sleeping on the sofa is uncomfortable for him and he'll have to request he WFH for the rest of this week as his sleep will be poor quality and he needs to prioritise staying well and managing this week.

Not everyone has the luxury of "enjoying" disruptive events.

Show quote history

If that poster would be fine with no sleep for five nights and would just join in, they probably don't work or have kids at home during the day and can sleep in the day, so don't need to worry!

ChkChkBoom · 16/04/2025 07:59

Our neighbours had multi day celebrations when their daughter got married. They did similar to yours, and gave us notice.

The 'main' reception was at a city centre venue over an entire weekend, however they had a large marquee in their garden for some of the preceding celebrations, cars (and coach loads of people) came and went (it was noisy back and forth).

We told them to use our drive if they required for guests for the duration of the celebrations, as did the other surrounding houses (and we gave the happy couple a card and a small gift).

We were treated to trays of delicious food (it was seriously tasty food!) during the celebrations. A fortnight or so after the wedding, the bride and groom came round with chocolates to thank us for being so understanding/thoughtful.

JadedSoJaded · 16/04/2025 07:59

Tryinghardtobefair · 16/04/2025 03:11

No he's not the boss of me. But there is a real risk that if I speak to the neighbours it will bring drama to our front door. I say this because we've witnessed the wedding house demonstrate some really shitty behaviour towards their neighbour, including having a 3 against 1 shouting match when their neighbour asked they move their car as she couldn't get in her drive because they blocked her out of it.

DH is a bit of a people pleaser and also doesn't want to do something that may start drama with them because we're relatively new to the street and will be living here a while. I have to respect that because it's not just me that would get pulled into a drama. He would be dragged into it as well

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In this case, you might be best to not bother contacting them. Ear plugs are your friend in this instance. Or white noise.

suburburban · 16/04/2025 07:57

Very selfish of them. At least they left a number

i think they need to hire a venue for these type of celebrations

MrsMappFlint · 16/04/2025 07:54

Unacceptable.

From your updates, it sounds as if they sound as if they won't respond to complaints and if the police won't do anything-ring your MP. Ring Child protection and tell them your child's health is at risk from lack of sleep. Ring any one and everyone that you can think of. Video it and send it to their X pages.

No-one should have their sleep disturbed for a week by unneighbourly neighbours and it doesn't matter a shiny shit what culture they're from.

If they want to behave like that, they should have bought a home miles away from anyone.

What a great state of affairs when the council or police won't get involved when someone decides they want to deprive their neighbours of sleep for a week. What a bloody country we live in.

Cel77 · 16/04/2025 07:53

Tbrh · 16/04/2025 01:00

I'd be ok with it but only because it's a wedding and a one off. Does make me laugh since MN is always complaining that weddings don't focus on the marriage and whole family, yet when they do they also complain 🤣 🙄

A wedding is just a day (or week here!). Marriage is completely on a different level. An expensive showy wedding is in no way a guarantee of a good marriage.

miraxxx · 16/04/2025 07:52

Yes, there are unpleasant thuggish people among Asians too - horrors - was that too racist of me? Op has to decide how much they want to cave in to inconsiderate behaviour. A wedding is a one-off celebration but even the most joyous colourful asian weddings have their limit. In India, the wedding dance parties occur in hotels or wedding halls, hired venues, not at home.

gillefc82 · 16/04/2025 07:51

KhakiOrca · 16/04/2025 07:19

We had one of these on our street a few yrs ago. It's a Cultral thing and that's just how they do it. I kind of liked the vibe of it, there was glitter all over the roads loud thumping music till 3am with very loud singing and stomping. One of the songs sticks in my head it goes something like this : THE FLOOR THE FLOOR THE FLOOR IS ON FIRE! at 3 am 😆 went on about a week.

Edited

If I recall, the lyrics are ‘The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don’t need no water, let the mtherfcker burn’. But regardless of floor or roof, not something you want to hear being blasted at 3am on repeat!! 😂

Ddakji · 16/04/2025 07:50

miraxxx · 16/04/2025 07:39

Punjabi weddings are not like Tamil weddings - Asian is a misnomer. But generally middleclass indian weddings have greatly expanded in recent years with mehndi, sangeet, hens and stags pre-wedding activities as well as post wedding events. I find the expense, faux bollywood pretentiousness and narcissm of it extremely off-putting and only attend the actual wedding. I would advise OP to complain. Other people have work, disabilities, fractious babies etc and it is not considerate of the wedding party.if they want to have extended celebrations, they should pay for the cost of appropriate venues.

Show quote history

No, I appreciate that. It sounds like they’re doing the British suburbs version of the Ambani bash.

rrrrrreatt · 16/04/2025 07:43

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 07:38

I remember 35 years ago when the Asian weddings where I lived used to take over the street.

Every religion, culture and neighbour used to love the celebration and sheer joy of it all.

How times have changed. 😞

Did the whole street stay up all night for a week during those weddings 35 years ago?

miraxxx · 16/04/2025 07:39

Ddakji · 16/04/2025 07:19

Unfortunately @Tryinghardtobefair your DH can’t have it both ways. Either he steps up and rings the number he’s been given to ask them to keep the noise down after 10pm, or he sucks it up including the impact on his health (and the impact on you).

No one gets a prize for being a martyr. It sounds terrible and over the top (and not like any Hindu wedding I’ve been to, though admittedly they were 35 years ago).

Punjabi weddings are not like Tamil weddings - Asian is a misnomer. But generally middleclass indian weddings have greatly expanded in recent years with mehndi, sangeet, hens and stags pre-wedding activities as well as post wedding events. I find the expense, faux bollywood pretentiousness and narcissm of it extremely off-putting and only attend the actual wedding. I would advise OP to complain. Other people have work, disabilities, fractious babies etc and it is not considerate of the wedding party.if they want to have extended celebrations, they should pay for the cost of appropriate venues.

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 07:38

I remember 35 years ago when the Asian weddings where I lived used to take over the street.

Every religion, culture and neighbour used to love the celebration and sheer joy of it all.

How times have changed. 😞

Sammysquiz · 16/04/2025 07:37

We had a very similar situation in our street - week long noise from a wedding. By day 3 of hardly any sleep (the music went on until 2-3am ish, but then the taxis and people shouting in the street went on even longer) we went over but it made no difference. They couldn’t have been less bothered.

DH is an ICU doctor, and we mentioned this to them while explaining how we needed sleep to be able to function the next day at work. Then about a month after the wedding the groom came over to say he’d hurt his arm and wanted DH’s opinion as to whether he should go to A&E or not 🙄

RunningJo · 16/04/2025 07:33

One night, i would grin and bear it, several days, absolutely not. It’s inconsiderate to everyone else. I would definitely send a text asking them to turn the volume of the music down

Mumofoneandone · 16/04/2025 07:32

Totally unacceptable situation. Also awful that everyone is just washing their hands about dealing with this antisocial behaviour. Am surprised that you aren't able to call the police if there is loud noise after a certain time for them to come and deal with it, especially with the previous aggressive nature of the family involved.
I remember being at a party year's ago and a friend started drumming - not even that late and the police turned up to complain about the noise. No neighbour had even tried to contact us.
I grew up in a heavily Asian city and never once came across this sort of situation, so think they are just a very inconsiderate family......

minnienono · 16/04/2025 07:31

Asian weddings do have multiple days but they won’t all last late, some will be shorter and not necessarily noisy. My neighbours invited everyone in the neighbourhood to two of the events

HeySugarSugar · 16/04/2025 07:28

Ohioatdawn · 16/04/2025 06:59

Oh my God OP what a nightmare.
At first I was on the fence and thought hmmm, it's a week then it will end, they are probably lovely people, let them enjoy their week long happy celebrations.
But after reading your updates about them shouting and arguing with their neighbours, blocking their neighbour out of their driveway, then blocking them IN to their driveway (imagine if the neighbour had an emergency and needed to urgently drive somewhere but was blocked in by them?), and driving a loud sportscar around your cul de sac late at night, they actually sound like inconsiderate nightmares.
Go round there now, at 7am, and stand there banging non stop on their door as loudly as you can until they wake up and answer the door. Then tell them you are going to bang loudly on their door at 6am every morning until it wakes them up.
Do it every day.
I mean it.
Given the description of their characters, I really would be round there waking them up at 6am daily.
They should have hired out a hall or pub room every night for a week.
Your poor DD! It must becwaking her up at night and it is spoiling her Easter holidays! And your poor DH. And poor you. Tell your DH that being a people pleaser allows CFs to get away with shitty behaviour.

Edited

Absolutely don’t do this. Stupid and antagonistic behaviour that will just result in unpleasant neighbour relations for years to come 🙄. Take the advice of PP who said to send polite text.

PinkElephants356 · 16/04/2025 07:27

I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this, I find it quite unbelievable that people can be so inconsiderate to not just inconvenience others but affect their health and ability to get to work safely.

I don’t know what to suggest to be honest, it won’t solve your problem but you might be interested in this petition about local noise complaints; https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/711151

Petition: Create a new body to record and resolve local noise nuisances

I call on the Government to create a new body that is empowered to record noise levels, provide accurate records of noise levels, and enforce noise nuisance laws across the UK.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/711151