Page 6 | To think if your child ends up violent or criminal, it is partly your fault?

TheTaupeMoose · 2025-04-15T20:48:13+00:00

Parenting ^does ^matter, sorry.

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:53

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:50

I agree. Also I do believe that some of the most challenging mh conditions are genetic.

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They are and we are learning that more than we knew is genetic. Epigenetics is an interesting field.

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:53

Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 22:51

No
ADHD doesn’t cause criminality. It’s not a straight causation. ADHD doesn’t = criminality

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No it's not a straight causation but a large percentage of the prison estates have adhd, is it 70%?

Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 22:51

Montea · 15/04/2025 22:48

Actually adhd makes you commit crimes and that’s genetic

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No
ADHD doesn’t cause criminality. It’s not a straight causation. ADHD doesn’t = criminality

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:51

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:48

How bizarre that therapy always goes back to childhood then unless there was a major event like a natural disaster or some sort.

Can I ask if you understand emotional abuse?

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Yes, I experienced plenty of emotional abuse and have worked with plenty of it in my professional life. I didn't commit any crimes.

Therapy doesn't always go back to childhood. Some schools of thought stay in the present.

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:50

Montea · 15/04/2025 22:48

Actually adhd makes you commit crimes and that’s genetic

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I agree. Also I do believe that some of the most challenging mh conditions are genetic.

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:49

Montea · 15/04/2025 22:48

Actually adhd makes you commit crimes and that’s genetic

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There is a theory that ADHD is also a trauma response. Don't jump at me. Many trauma alter how the brain works (brain damage). Speaking as someone who was 'raised' by a narcissist mother.

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:49

CuriousKangaroo · 15/04/2025 22:46

So you contend that in every case where someone has committed violent or criminal acts, the parents always bear some responsibility?

Well, I suppose that is one way of letting everyone know you have never dealt with offenders in a professional capacity…

So true. It's ignorance, lack of experience and narrow world view.

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:48

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:46

I have taught this stuff at university and seen a lot in my field of work. The more I learn and the more I've seen, the less I blame parents. That's the stuff of the past.

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How bizarre that therapy always goes back to childhood then unless there was a major event like a natural disaster or some sort.

Can I ask if you understand emotional abuse?

Montea · 15/04/2025 22:48

Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 21:49

propensity to crime isn’t genetic. It’s not transmitted in mitochondria

Actually adhd makes you commit crimes and that’s genetic

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 15/04/2025 22:47

MuchTooTired · 15/04/2025 22:34

@TheTaupeMoose whilst I partially agree in theory, it’s impossible really to delve in to the lives of the whole family, and an unfair intrusion to those who haven’t committed the crime.

I find it a really tricky one if I’m honest. Blaming parents (based on the assumption that they did genuinely do their best) for their adult child committing a crime when times are changing so fast seems wrong. But I can understand parents who didn’t give a shit being given a proportion of the ‘blame’.

Would you make allowances for acceptable parenting behaviour of the time, or would we judge against today’s standards?

Yes I agree it’s tricky. I’m not advocating for some forensic-level intrusion into every family or for applying today’s standards to the past with no context.

And you’re right - there are plenty of parents who genuinely did their best, especially within the norms of the time and still had children who went on to make harmful choices. Life is messy and no one factor explains everything.

But I do think we sometimes overcorrect - we’re so afraid of “parent-blaming” that we leave parenting out of the picture entirely. And that’s a problem too. If we can acknowledge parenting as one thread in a complex web, not in a punitive way but as part of prevention and understanding then we’re being more honest.

So yes, I think we absolutely have to consider context, generational shifts and the difference between neglect and doing your best in difficult circumstances. But I also think there’s value in asking, with care, how much early guidance and emotional environment shape later outcomes.

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Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 22:47

CuriousKangaroo · 15/04/2025 22:46

So you contend that in every case where someone has committed violent or criminal acts, the parents always bear some responsibility?

Well, I suppose that is one way of letting everyone know you have never dealt with offenders in a professional capacity…

Agree

Iammatrix · 15/04/2025 22:47

WoodyOwl · 15/04/2025 22:05

I think this is very simplistic. You are ignoring the influence of school, classmates, neighbours, peers, tv/films, video games, mass media, social media, poverty, job prospects, social mobility, access to education/sports/hobbies....

Don’t agree with this. Your argument is more simplistic than your argument!

Each and everyone of us is flawed. I believe that parenting is an exercise in damage limitation, slate me those that will, to describe parenting as an exercise, but so be it. Say it in any other way!

We are all damaged and will damage, but to be conscious of this and to aim to limit and repair the damage should surely be a priority.

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:47

Many many people from dreadful homes lead perfectly law abiding lives. So I would say the converse should be true too.

One trait I've noticed in habitual criminals is that they deflect blame and responsibility and often see themselves as victims. It seems to be a fixed mindset.

CuriousKangaroo · 15/04/2025 22:46

So you contend that in every case where someone has committed violent or criminal acts, the parents always bear some responsibility?

Well, I suppose that is one way of letting everyone know you have never dealt with offenders in a professional capacity…

Gottogetoutofthisplace · 15/04/2025 22:46

It’s one of my worst fears, but I know that if it happened, I would hold myself ultimately responsible. What decent person wouldn’t?

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:46

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:43

Of course, but only sometimes just like sometimes a plane crashes but they usually don't.

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I have taught this stuff at university and seen a lot in my field of work. The more I learn and the more I've seen, the less I blame parents. That's the stuff of the past.

Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 22:45

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:43

I think antisocial personality disorder is more or less a birth defect.

No
Utter nonsense

DelphineFox · 15/04/2025 22:45

No, it wasn't Valdo Calocane's parents fault he killed people in Nottingham. It was his paranoid schizophrenia. He previously broke into a woman's house because his delusions made him believe his mother was being raped in there.

Zone2NorthLondon · 15/04/2025 22:44

Kardamyli2 · 15/04/2025 22:38

Most offenders are caught because they're not smart enough to be successful criminals. Lower socionomic groups tend not to be overburdened with big brains so put the two together and there's your reason. There are just as many criminals from more affluent backgrounds, they just tend to be better at covering their tracks.

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Yes. Partially agree. Some offenders don’t get caught and are socially adept and don’t fit the stereotype of crim and yes cover their tracks and evade prosecution

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:43

I think antisocial personality disorder is more or less a birth defect.

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:43

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:42

Less likely, but not impossible. Sometimes there's a missing factor outside the parents.

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Of course, but only sometimes just like sometimes a plane crashes but they usually don't.

Dogaredabomb · 15/04/2025 22:42

Think about Myra and Maureen Hindley, one a murderer and one helped report her to the police.

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:42

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:40

Absolutely. We live in a society and I think school can be responsible for a lot.

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School doesn't make anyone a robber or killer. It may contribute if the home life is already very difficult. You lot are deluded for blaming school. If anything, school is a safer place for those kids that are likely to go off the rails because of emotional or physical abuse at home.

Someone with a stable home life won't go off the rails because of school. It's ridiculous.

homemadebasilpesto · 15/04/2025 22:42

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:39

That's right. But read up on how important the parent child relationship and attachment is. Someone who has been loved and has a secure attachment isn't as likely to go off the rails as someone who hasnt had that. It gives resilience and inner security.

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Less likely, but not impossible. Sometimes there's a missing factor outside the parents.

Original poster

TheTaupeMoose · 15/04/2025 22:42

Perimenoanti · 15/04/2025 22:32

@TheTaupeMoose what do you think trauma is if not childhood trauma caused by parents?

Exactly and I think that’s part of why this conversation matters. We’re often happy to talk about “trauma” in broad, abstract terms but much of it does stem from early experiences, including parenting.

That doesn’t mean it’s always about cruelty or neglect, sometimes it’s inconsistency, emotional unavailability, or just parents doing their best but still falling short in ways that shape a child’s sense of safety or self. My point isn’t to assign blame - it’s to say that we can’t talk about outcomes like violence or destructive behaviour without at least acknowledging the influence of early home life. It’s part of the story, even if it’s not the whole story.

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