To think DP was really selfish?

Being a people pleaser won't make you happy OP. He can stay up on his phone if he wants, but not in the bedroom. Once you're in bed light goes off.

Indeed.

And I wonder if there are other ways the OP has adapted to accommodate him? And what ways has he adapted to suit OP? Think I can guess!

“Never in our whole year has he been less than lovely and considerate”

But that isn’t true is it? He’s made you learn to adapt to him keeping the light on for a year because it suits him, which is the exact opposite of lovely and considerate.

The first time I had a migraine while staying at my now DH’s home, he went out and bought blackout curtains. He installed them by hand with self taping screws and a manual screwdriver so he would make as little noise as possible.

You've been going to sleep with the light on for a year??? Christ, stop being a doormat. What else do you do to appease him? He sounds absolutely horrible.

Why have you been putting up with having to sleep with a light on for a year?
And what kind of phone does he have that means the screen isn't visible unless the light in the room is on?

So why didn't he go to another room?

On another note I have a snoozeband that covers eyes and plays white noise. I literally cannot sleep without it these days and saved me a fortune on black out blinds

This is him at his ‘best’, while he’s trying to give the very best impression to you. Before kids or any other stressors that life throws in the way…

Never mind the lighting and off crap, I can't understand why after only being together for a year he scrolls on his phone instead getting passionate with you or just engaging with you.

I've been married for decades and would be horrified if my husband was more interested in looking at his phone instead of enjoying my company.

What a sad state of affairs for a young couple.

He's obviously not that into you if he isn't compassionate about your migraine.

Do you know, pizzaheart and pleasealexa, you're right. As someone who suffers from migraines, I was only thinking in that moment what would be needed, and I absolutely wouldn't be up for the emotional gymnastics of a row with my partner. I had a bad one last week, where to my own surprise, and my partners, I ended up vomiting. My partner was very concerned fir me, wanted to help, and I just wanted him away, wanted a dark room, wanted quiet. I was thinking of the immediate needs, but a jerk who just wants to keep scrolling, screw that. He's a dick.

I could be projecting here, but I often wonder, with migraines, do people think we are making it up? That it's not really that bad? Do you think he was thinking you weren't really as ill as you you were "making out" to be? I get paranoid, and tend to be like " no my head is really sore, honestly!" But people are always reassuring and understanding, so that would be another red flag if he was like " yeah, right, sore head, whatever".

The whole phone thing is selfish even without you being ill

Why does he need the light to look at his phone?
Frankly this would be a big red flag for me. It doesn’t matter that he’s ‘fantastic’ up til now.

I personally don’t think that you have to talk to him about it at all, only in the context “ I’m kind enough to explain why I’m breaking up with you” . No way it was misunderstanding, he showed you nice and clear who he really was and where you were on the list of priorities.
So the conversation would only upset you and give him an opportunity to gaslight you. Plus breaking up on a holiday is very inconvenient as then you have to stay at the same apartment. Not pleasant. You would feel much more secure and confident once you were back home.

No balcony where he could check his phone while you are asleep?

He sounds self-absorbed and not a keeper.

Holidays are often a good indication if one is suited to each other, being out of your comfort zone.

Sorry you are going through this OP. You deserve better.

He's shown you who he is when you are unwell and vulnerable. And the others are right about hia selfishness previously with regards to having the light on. He has a history of not putting you first or not making a reasonable compromise. I'd be finishing it once you are back from holiday.

Totally agree with this.

He's let you put yourself out for ages but he won't do it once when you're ill.

I've suffered with really migraines for over 40 years. Lying down makes mine worse but trying to sit up is utterly exhausting.

When I was 18, my now DH got to experience one of my migraines in person for the first time as I was staying with him.

He held me up in bed in a sitting position until I fell asleep in his arms.

At the age of 19 he already had more empathy than your partner.

There are better men out there. Chuck this one back.

Hmm major red flag.
Phones have lights on them ffs, why would he possibly need a light on too?!
Id be super upset about this and feel totally different about him.

Selfish and a phone addict. Throw this one back!

I've just read your post out to my DH, and he was absolutely HORRIFIED!! When I have a migraine, he straight away finds my tablets and sleep mask, draws the curtains closed, gets me a glass of water, and tells me to either call him if it's during the day and I need him, or to wake him if its at night and I need him. HE is a GOOD man OP. Your DP, is a selfish twat, and in all honesty, in your shoes, I'd be telling him that the relationship is over, and he can sleep the rest of the holiday in the small room, that you were forced to use when you were unwell.

Please don't be stupid enough to put up with this, a GOOD relationship, is so much more. You said 'Never ever in our whole year together has he been anything less than lovely and considerate', but this isn't actually true, is it, as he does this every night, and you've said that you've been forced to get used to it. Do you actually live together full time? If so, did you move in with him, or him with you, as if he moved in with you, you should have put your foot down from the start, you'd have seen him for what he is, a lot sooner if you had.

giveituplucy12 you don't ask someone when a migraine to move so only one realistic option. He should have moved with good grace.

Op, I'm so sorry as it's never easy to process when a seemingly perfect partner drops the mask and reveals a deeply unpleasant side. You will struggle to work through the feelings.

Unfortunately in my experience such selfish behaviour doesn't get better..he made a choice to prioritise himself when the compromise for was low impact. It shows he isn't capable of a simple compromise. Often men who are like this deeply resent women "controlling" them into changing their behaviour. Does he have a good relationship with his mum?

Do you not see the contradiction in this post, he hasnt been lovely to you for the past year, you have just been over looking it.

What a horrible man.

He's a freak for "needing" the light on to look at his phone anyway.

He's a mean bastard for not allowing you to lie comfortably in the dark while you had a migraine.

It’s not a partner material, it’s just FWB.

@pizzaHeart has it right. Even the densest, least emotionally literate man would understand that a migraine trumps a whiny preference for scrolling your phone with the fucking light on! Migraines are unbearable - I’d feel murderous rage over anyone being this selfish and uncaring.

If he’s like this after only 12 months, imagine how little your feelings will count for a couple of years from now.

You need to tell him how this has made you feel and his response will tell you everything you need to know about the future of this relationship. I fear it won’t be good news, sorry OP.

He has shown you who he is...take heed...do not brush it under the carpet...act accordingly!...nuff said!