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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were out for a walk with your adult kids/DGC…

64 replies

oppieno · 15/04/2025 20:06

And you stopped at a cafe for a hot drink and a cake, would you always try to pay the bill if you could easily afford it? Especially if you knew they were on less money and had young kids. I don’t want to offend anyone who might be proud, but feel it is only fair and the kind thing to do.

YABU = no, it should be split evenly
YANBU = it would be mean to not pay if you are comfortable and they are your DC/DGC who you don’t often see

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 15/04/2025 20:22

When I was younger with young kids and not much money, my Mum would often treat me and I really appreciated it. Now I am much older (adult kids) and much better off I now nearly always treat my Mum.
I more often than not treat my kids when we're out, as again they are I less stable situation.

It's just one of those things isn't it? I am sure that your DC are thankful for you kindness and they will hopefully repay it once they are able.

Cornishclio · 15/04/2025 20:19

Generally we pay for our family when out for a meal etc. they have mortgages and childcare and we are comfortable early retired.

Dueanamechange2025 · 15/04/2025 20:18

My parents always tend to offer to pay. We do like to treat them back sometimes too, but they often get in their first.

DHs parents on the other hand, rarely offer and pretty much always let us pay. They are a lot wealthier then us and it drives me insane!

Lindy2 · 15/04/2025 20:18

My mum always wants to pay for me. She can afford it. It's nice to be looked after by my mum. I do make sure I do little treats for her in return and take her out for her birthday, mother's day etc.

My MIL is the absolute opposite and expects us to be treating her all the time and taking her out like she's some kind of VIP. We deliberately see much less of her.

MumoftwoGranofone · 15/04/2025 20:16

It’s one of the things I love to do when I can …

Original poster
oppieno · 15/04/2025 20:16

I was talking to my friend about it and she laughed and said she’d asked her granddaughter to buy her a coffee and thought that was only fair. It made me wonder if I’d been overly generous and embarrassed my own lot

OP posts:
Rooroobear · 15/04/2025 20:15

I think it’s always nice if you can but if not then just pay for you

TartanMammy · 15/04/2025 20:13

My mum never lets me pay (I'm an adult with DC). I always offer and I'd like to treat her but she insists on paying. This is probably how it should be - if the grandparent is the wealthier one.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 15/04/2025 20:12

It's not "mean" to not pay for everyone and just pay for yourself... but it is really nice to always offer or to get it as a treat

My mum does and I appreciate it sometimes I still like to "treat" her back though.

My mil expects us to pay for everything which i think IS actually mean...

Caspianberg · 15/04/2025 20:12

Yes I would offer to pay

Watermill · 15/04/2025 20:11

Yes I always pay.

Gretnaglebe · 15/04/2025 20:10

Always

Cadenza12 · 15/04/2025 20:08

Generally speaking I would pay.

IchiNiSanShiGo · 15/04/2025 20:07

That sounds lovely, especially if you don’t get together very often.

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