I have moved out with eldest daughter due to the way my wife treats her.

It’s amazing to see a parent identify a troubling issue in their child’s life and act on it instantly. Both your children will thank you for this in adulthood, putting their needs first above all.

your wife needs to recognise how her parenting has alienated her eldest, whether that be intentional or not the bunny situation clearly shows how her actions have impacted your daughter (and it’s far more than just a teddy- it’s a girl stating she wish she could be different so she could be accepted by her mother, that’s a huge deal) my daughter did something similar for different reasons. She once came home from school and asked me to cut her utterly gorgeous hair off so she could be accepted (apparently long red hair is not cool) from that statement I probed further and found she had been systematically bullied by three individuals who had been relentlessly name calling over a six month period. It got to the point that she no longer wished to be herself. My wonderful, intelligent, kind beautiful daughter wanted to be someone else! For us the way to solve the situation was much more straightforward by involving the school, mediating and fixing the situation (which two of the girls left which undoubtedly helped) However in your case it isn’t so easy.

First your wife needs to acknowledge, she currently is in denial. Grey rock it, don’t accept any rubbish excuse. Once she is finally open to realising her impact, she needs to fix it with her daughter. I disagree that they should remain apart, supervised I do think they need an opportunity to communicate and heal otherwise it’s going to be an issue that becomes insurmountable. Then over a long period of time individually and together they need counselling.

whate happens from this moment on you addressed a situation that was massively affecting your daughter and got her out of it. The hard work starts now.

Would it be fair to say that your wife is possibly living vicariously through your youngest? She sounds very immature herself.

I was your eldest daughter. The treatment I received at home affected all levels of socialisation. I'm really proud of you for taking a stand on your daughter's behalf. Don't question yourself. If you didn't do this now, you would be complicit in the abuse regardless of your own behaviour at home.

You probably argue in front of your kids and think it’s normal for them to be around that. Others don’t ;)

Your not really funny… quite lame actually

That’s brilliant to hear . Your daughters are lucky to have you. ( and I’m sure you feel the same way about them)

OP, I do think one thing you need to be very mindful of is that the siblings being separated, long term, is not a realistic outcome so, while I think you've done the right thing removing your eldest tonight, I think you're likely going to need to have them under the same roof (wherever tbat might be) again in the coming days.

That said, while the above is my hunch, I think you should be looking to get some urgent legal advice, to best inform your going-forward approach, to best enable you to achieve the best-possible end result for your daughters. Actions now, even if they feel objectively right, could end up working against you if this becomes a court matter.

Is your wife the eldest sibling in her birth family?

I sympathise and a bit of space is useful but I also don't think it's healthy or right for you to stop your wife seeing your DD1.

OP, I have huge sympathy for you. My ex also decided to emotionally abandon dd1 and focus all her love on dd2. It was so shocking and cruel to witness. For a long time, I tried to fix it. Then I was in a quandary of, "dd1 needs me to leave, but dd2 needs me to stay". Then eventually I realised that dd2 was being hurt too, not least by undermining her relationship with her sister.

I think it might be worth self-referring to CAMHS for your dd2, for advice on how you can support her. Also see if the NHS provides family therapy - I was lucky enough to get this and it was v good, really showed me that the only option was out. Also, there is probably a family support team at your local social services - this is NOT the same as child protection team. Mine held meetings with the school to get support for both girls, and also recommended actions for us as a family (she also muttered to me, "I'm not supposed to say this, but get the hell out").

I'm not saying all these options will be right for you, but I think they have these advantages:

• they show your wife how serious you are
• you show whoever is going to be adjudicating custody arrangements that you are a thoughtful and responsible parent
• you shine a light on what has been going on, inviting people in who your wife may listen to
• you get advice on how best to support both your dds, and maybe some direct support for them as well.

Incidentally, my dds have now lived just with me for five years, and their relationship has really healed.

What a sad situation OP. Poor 6yo too, it sounds like meanness to Dsis is encouraged by Mum. She isn't a bully, just a little kid who knows no better. I think family therapy would really help, it sounds like your wife really has issues. If she wasn't like this before kids there might be something to work on and she might change. There is hope. Or you might need to separate and do a joint custody arrangement, I think siblings should stay together but you might get an additional night one to one with eldest. I don't know. I wonder is there any love left between you at all, could you keep the marriage and family together? Whatever happens I wish you and both little girls the best.

Your wife sounds vacuous and just wants a daughter who is an extension of herself

Parental rights are not a thing. You also mention 50/50 as a baseline - I’ve worked in private law family proceedings for eight years and I see very few 50/50 court orders, as often by the time things come to court there are significant issues making equal coparenting very difficult for the children. I doubt you see many private law cases working for the LA.

I do agree that OP should at least say where he and the child are, but disagree that he has no legal right to keep her there or that the police would be interested, based on what the OP has said.

You are in danger of treating your youngest the same as how your wife is treating oldest. It’s very strong to call a six year old a bully. They well be testing boundaries because that’s what kids do developmentally at that age, but it is your responsibility as a parent to teach her how to treat people.

How patronising. The OP already knows this. He's literally said he recognises it and has tried to deal with it only to be undermined by his wife.

Ignore pp obsessing over lesser parenting of your youngest, they’re getting so ahead of themselves they’ve practically mapped out their version of your future for you. I wish I’d had a dad like you to remove me from my mothers abuse at that age. I wish you and your daughters well.

I was like your eldest. I loved going nature spotting with my dad, crossing things off in identification books and learning about all the various types of fungi. He introduced me to a world I could always lose myself in, wherever I was and whatever might happen - a true gift.

My mother resented me for it. She hated the attention he gave me and saw me as a threat. She couldn’t compete because she had no interest in these things. She was awful to me.

Is it possible your wife is jealous?

You are in danger of treating your youngest the same as how your wife is treating oldest. It’s very strong to call a six year old a bully. They well be testing boundaries because that’s what kids do developmentally at that age, but it is your responsibility as a parent to teach her how to treat people.

I think you are doing yourself and your kids no favours in the long run taking one and leaving one. You are not only rejecting one and favouring one but you are endangering their sibling relationship, the closest family relationship they will have. Either they will grow up despising each other or in the future they will come to mourn what you have taken away from them and possibly resent your actions. If you believe your wife is neglectful and emotionally abusive then it is your duty as a parent to take both.

Does your oldest naturally like what you have described or is she trying to please you? Did your wife have PND worth your oldest as that can sometimes affect bonding and maybe it would be positive for all of you to do family counselling even if you are leaving the family.

Super dad / super mum whichever,

And 6 year olds can't be bullies, yeah OK,

I’m very sorry I didn’t realise that you were looking into counselling.
This must be a traumatic and difficult time for you all. There is a genuine groundswell of support for you on here in terms of your advocacy for your daughter. But there is also good advice on here about the longer term situation . I think counselling is really important here.
I wish you and your family the very best.

What a measured response, no I will not ‘do one’. Posters like yourself have the fawning over ‘super dad’ in hand, some of us actually realise that 6 year old children are vulnerable as well even if they are a victim of favouritism. And they’re not bullies at that age, this behaviour is a full reflection of parenting in the home. From whichever parents are in the home.

Do you think his youngest daughter is lucky to have him?

WOW!!! you don't let up do you, just do one, ffs

Great second step.

Calling a six year old a bully as her father is pretty despicable. Blaming your wife for her behaviour yet you’ve painted yourself as a fully involved father up to now, so which is it? Surely as an equal parent of two children it is both your responsibilities of how your children develop. Every post you make is about how you push your eldest to be herself, yet your 6 year olds version of herself is so unacceptable you won’t even have her around her sister.

Have you spoken to your youngest since driving off with a packed bag and her sister?