18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

Leave them alone. What are you hoping to achieve by hijacking the lunch? Go and get your jollies somewhere else.

Maybe she wants to hand over a trinket, watch, cuff links for him to remember his relative?

I think at 18 still living at home - I'd want to be nearby - just so he can ring if there a lot of emotional blackmail to sign something or she makes him uncomfortable.

A bit older and more life experience under their belt I wouldn't be as worried.

It is. She made a thread about this inheritance back in January. Her younger son has already inherited £120,000 from his grandmother on his dad's side and has just inherited again. OP said in the January post:

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

There could be two motives here. She wants to get to know who her husband thought worthy enough to leave an inheritance to
Or..
She is going to guilt trip him into not accepting it?

I wrongly voted Yabu

Now that you have given more context, I think you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I wouldn’t like it one bit. Make sure he doesn’t get tipsy!

I would go if my 18yr old wanted me to, or stay nearby if asked. Same as I would if my 31yr old son asked me too.

Surely if he goes he can tell you what she has to say to him afterwards. Incredibly rude to turn up to a dinner when you haven’t been invited. If your son wants you to go then he should ask the person who invited him if you’re ok to come along but I think YABU to go.

Would you just tag along with a friend if another friend invited them to dinner just because you wanted to know what they are going to talk about?

OP has said more than once half great uncle. Whatever that is (my brain can’t seem to work it out).

It's interesting to see the views of the posters who feel there's nothing suspicious in the great aunt wanting to meet up with your ds but doesn't extend the invitation to you or your husband. I see things very differently and suspect she's manoeuvring for a variation of the will. A variation in her favour of course. You can't gate crash the lunch but you can prepare your son by explaining how wills work and how they can be varied. If you think he's got the personality to question an adult he's just met, you could prepare him with some questions for her such as what has she been left, why didn't the great uncle leave her the house (or whatever she wants) , what would the great uncle think about her trying to override his wishes, how wealthy is she in her own right? Does she live in London or is she making a special visit in order to meet up with him? You should also give him enough money to cover his lunch just in case she turns nasty when he won't hand over his inheritance!

OP you've been asked over and over again how much the inheritance is for your DS but you never answer! It makes a big difference if it's a couple of thousand or a couple of hundred thousand. Context is all and you are being very evasive.

I think I'd want to know where they are lunching, But presumably, he's comfortable travelling around London alone and will have a phone? As PPs have suggested, I would think she would like to have an acquaintance with her late partner's beneficiaries.

OP, are you the same person who posts threads about your older son not being included in (or receiving inheritance money from) your DH’s family as he’s a stepson? Some of this feels familiar.

If the great uncle was from your DH’s side then I think it would be more appropriate for him to go along with your youngest to the meeting.

Step great uncle

OK, so I've read a bit more now.

She's probably after money/a variation of the will or something like that. Which wouldn't be enacted there & then at the table. So even if she gets him to say he'll agree to that he could (should) change his mind before it progressed any further.

It might be a good lesson for him in the horrible ways of adults.

What's a half uncle? Like a family friend, not really your uncle? Is your older son also in the will?

@saraclara Same here, DD ( nearly 20) is very independent and meets up with for lunch with former teacher and employers whom she gets on with, for example.

But if she were invited to this particular lunch, I would definitely talk it through with her first. As for DS (16.5), I’d definitely be around the corner! Although he obviously couldn’t agree to/sign anything without parental consent yet.

Also, may I add. Having just got an incredibly contentious divorce...Has she seen a lawyer who has told her "if you can record him saying he never met him"(or whatever...no idea) she can contest the will.

No,no.Noody should go...he would love to meet her during the summer. When exams are over. When he is more sorted re uni etc etc...

No rush.

Absolutely not, unless you know she's some Cruella DeVille type, but with young men and not dogs.

It might be that late great uncle left a letter of wishes with his partner and or a letter for your DS to be read when he inherited. It might for example say something along the lines of he enjoyed travelling when he was young and thinks it broadens the mind. Without being binding he'd like your DS to consider using the inheritance to fund a trip or two away.... I've seen lots of letters like this in my time as a private client advisor.

Whoops missed the late

It's like getting blood out of a stone OP!

Cynical old me thinks she's after some dosh but who knows?

If son is hesitant and asks your advice [and only if] then I'd tell him he can choose not to go. She can write him a letter if she wishes.

How odd!!!!
I would advise your son to not meet up with this woman who he has never met but is the partner of his relative who has left him money in his will.
What does she want?
No, I just wouldn’t go, if I was him I’d say I was off travelling for a while….

I've always encouraged my kids to be independent and definitely wasn't a helicopter parent. But at 18, I very much suspect that my DDs wouldn't have wanted to meet this person alone, under these specific circumstances. And I'd have been wary of them being put in that position. Can the cousin go with him?

@harriethoyle You don’t think that an 18-year-old who’s still at school might not be a little naive? It’s quite possible that this lady just wants to get to know him, perhaps she has no family of her own. But she could also be trying to get something to her advantage.

Unfortunately, both DH’s and my families had experiences issues with ppl not following a late person’s wishes as stated in their wills.