18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

I would counsel him not to go.

If he does, say little, agree to nothing and sign nothing.

No, please don't do this. Your son is an adult. It's up to him to handle the situation. If he doesn't want to go, he should politely decline. Relying on his mum to lurk around the corner is not appropriate.

EASY: NO meeting! Definitely.

This.

I'd offer to my son to go along with him if he would like me to. Voice concerns about what she might want or be like, and have a discussion with him about possible strategies he could use, including being non-committal to anything she might ask of him, thinking through scenarios beforehand and how much information he feels comfortable to share with her, right up to leaving immediately or just not going if he feels uncomfortable with what she says.

Fucking hell, knew the name sounded familiar.

Agree it would be more appropriate for DH to go, particularly given the background information here.

You can't think of any reason to be concerned about why a middle aged woman whos husband has left money to a very young person neither she nor her husband knew wants to meet him?

There might be sensible positive reasons she wants to meet up, but I can think of many more not so positive ones and I'm not surprised OP is worried.

I think he needs ot be "counselled" on how to leave if he's uncomfortable and not to agree to anything without discussing it with his parents or taking time to think about it first, rather than accompanied.

OP, no need to answer, but consider: when did DS turn 18?
when did great uncle Bulgaria die?

Don't go along.

Tell him to be polite.

Tell him not to agree to anything and keep chats away from personal things like the will.

He can chat about his hobbies and his uni course.

She may have ulterior motives but she may not!

I wouldn't go as the relation was your Dh side of the family, if our son wanted him to go I'd encourage him to. Otherwise, I'd advise my son not to be guilt tripped in to anything or to sign anything she presents and if she does try ask him to give her some money to say il need to go away and think about it on repeat.

As an aside, half great uncle wasn't really needed. You could just say great uncle. I have a half sister, she's just my sister I never call her my half sister to anyone.

🙄

Woman invites a nephew for a good lunch.
Said nephew is about to go to uni.
Nephews mother in a panic in case her dear boy is lead astray or is she concerned that she hasn't taught him correct table manners and it will show her up.
Another chapter in "How to Rear a Snowflake". FFS leave the boy alone. TRUST HIM.

Exactly @redboxer321!

@Oblomov25 You've obviously only met nice people! Wills can bring out the worst in people- my FIL and DH’s auntie, for example, became estranged from their brother after their Mum died, because he refused to follow the terms of the Will. They didn’t pursue legal action because they didn’t want more trouble, but it was horrible. People can behave very strangely when they believe that they’re entitled to something but a Will states otherwise.

The clue here is that she has not contacted you at all but invited him out. Yes he’s 18 but he’s a teenager and she’s a stranger. It’s weird. So you should definitely go because she’s clearly after money or assets.

OP I completely get why you're concerned. Remember on MN your children are considered fully fledged adults the day they turn 18, which is ridiculous. My youngest (now 22) still asks for advice/guidance, and in the situation you describe, there's no way an 18 year old would necessarily have the life skills to negotiate a potential contesting of a will. I'd definitely suggest to him that you go along, if only so you're there if things get difficult.

This thread illustrates why scammers are so successful.

Lucky you. I mean that.

Can't grasp what the worry is, or why you even have it a second thought. Genuinely bemused.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld He’s legally an adult but he doesn’t have any life experience, does he? He’s still at school!

I agree that the OP shouldn’t gatecrash the lunch, but she should definitely talk it through with her son beforehand. because he likely has no experience of manipulative ppl, for example. Most adults he’s met have probably had his best interests at heart.

This lady might be lovely or she could be angling for something.

It’s not the uncle’s partner who’s coning across as emotional or weird here. 😧

How well do you know the aunt? Is it likely she could make things nasty?

I have to admit I'd be worried about what she wanted to say to him. When you say a beneficiary, do you mean a small part of the estate or is it her home or something equally substantial?

I'd be worried, but I'd make sure he knew to leave if he felt uncomfortable and was comfortable with doing that, rather than going with him.

He may want her there though.

OP have you asked your son if he’d like you in the vicinity?

@EWAB your son is 18! he is an adult. she may be going to give him an advance on his inheritance to help him at university! he doesnt need you there.

Yes this. It doesn’t matter how old they are if they actually want you there. I’d be there if he was fifty and asked me to.

Nope, keep you snout out.

Plenty time to interfere and interrogate your son when he gets home.