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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

359 replies

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

OP posts:
EdithBond · 15/04/2025 20:08

Also, if the step-great uncle was the step brother of your MIL, has your MIL or DP been left any money? If not, why’s that?

EdithBond · 15/04/2025 20:05

Recently watched Con Mum on Netflix. She was in her 80s and a scammer extraordinaire, partly because of her age. People don’t expect it.

British woman in Netflix's Con Mum charged in Singapore https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c14xn65vg2yo

Pastry chief Graham Hornigold in a navy blue t-shirt sits with his mother Dionne Marie Hanna, wearing a baju kurung, purple scarf, teal hat, on a couch in a restaurant

Con Mum: British woman in Netflix documentary charged in Singapore

Dionne Marie Hanna, 84, was charged with fraud after the release of the Netflix documentary.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c14xn65vg2yo

LlynTegid · 15/04/2025 19:59

I am wondering about some scam or attempt to manipulate given what may be involved and what you have described.

Advise your son to get more details before meeting.

EdithBond · 15/04/2025 19:57

I have a DS that age. Why not go with him, if he’s happy for you to?

Does seem rather odd that she’d ask to meet him and not all of you. I’d be questioning her motives. If she’s not the executor, why does she want to meet him? She may just be a bit socially awkward and not think to meet you all. Or be leaving it up to him whether to invite you, given he’s an adult.

Also, are you sure it’s her who’s contacted him? How did she get his contact details? Was it via the executor/solicitor or direct? Some scammers are highly sophisticated and if there’s a substantial amount of money at play, I’d rather err on the safe side.

Strictlymad · 15/04/2025 19:47

get him to give her a call, on speaker record if possible. Keep it light and say would have been nice to finally meet etc but unfortunately can’t manage at mo, was she looking for a catch up or something more specific and go from there if she comes out with anything odd

Jigsawasaurus · 15/04/2025 19:44

I think he should ask her what the meeting is for. It's not fair to send an 18yo into a meeting with a 60yo distant relative when he has no clue what she wants. It puts him at a huge disadvantage. There's no reason why she can't share what it's about and allow him to make an informed decision about whether to meet and whether he wants someone else there too.

steff13 · 15/04/2025 19:42

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 15/04/2025 17:55

Step great uncle

Show quote history

But step and half have two different meanings. One's a blood relative one is not.

Seeline · 15/04/2025 19:42

Springtimefordaffs · 15/04/2025 18:27

Woman invites a nephew for a good lunch.
Said nephew is about to go to uni.
Nephews mother in a panic in case her dear boy is lead astray or is she concerned that she hasn't taught him correct table manners and it will show her up.
Another chapter in "How to Rear a Snowflake". FFS leave the boy alone. TRUST HIM.

Edited

I don't think you've read all the OPs posts!

I would be concerned in the circumstances you have set out OP. The fact that your DS never met his late relative, and has never met this woman, coupled with being left a decent bequest, would ring alarm bells for me. It is strange that she approached your DS directly, rather than his dad/the whole family.

I would discourage the meeting.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 15/04/2025 19:37

My mum would probably triangulate herself into this situation, but that’s a whole story.

LBFseBrom · 15/04/2025 19:36

No. I imagine she wants to give him some money as he is off to uni soon. Bless. Why would you want to tag along anyway?

LadyLapsang · 15/04/2025 19:35

Have you seen the will?

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 19:32

BlackStrayCat

First post wasn’t incorrect, I apparently did a drip feed, for which I have apologised.

We don’t have a lot of money at all, far from it.

What you say about a lawyer is interesting. My SiL is a solicitor but don’t really want to discuss it with her.

I am on the point of now advising him not to go. We will have a chat tomorrow evening.

OP posts:
BlackStrayCat · 15/04/2025 19:24

*anybody to go.

BlackStrayCat · 15/04/2025 19:23

@EWAB scrap this.

You have clearly loads of money. See a lawyer, not mumsnet who are replying to your incorrect first post.

(The lawyer will tell you not to go)

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2025 19:22

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:20

TBF she's probably entitled to be a bit miffed that her partner (assuming longstanding living together) left everything to a nephew he'd never met!

This. I kind of hope she is contesting the will. There’s a very weird family dynamic going on here and fair play to here if she shakes it up.

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 19:20

TBF she's probably entitled to be a bit miffed that her partner (assuming longstanding living together) left everything to a nephew he'd never met!

Gustavo77 · 15/04/2025 19:19

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

No. I can't think why it would even enter your head to invite yourself.

BlackStrayCat · 15/04/2025 19:18

OP, the "record him"comment, I stated I had no idea, but possibly a lawyer has told her things to say/ask/record .

It was a random example of a hundred things that could help her contest a will. I have absolutely no idea what they might be.

LadyLapsang · 15/04/2025 19:17

Do you think she may be intending to suggest a deed of variation to the will. If all the beneficiaries agree, the will could be changed.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 15/04/2025 19:16

You say she was his partner rather than his wife. I wonder whether she isn't included in the will and wants your son to give up his share? I also wonder whether the house is going to be sold and she wants him to say she can live in it until her death.

He should definitely speak to his cousin. The more information is shared, the better.

Given all you say, I would turn up at the meeting as well, as though you and he were shopping together. Or maybe turn up after ten minutes. It's very unlikely she's meeting him to give him any good news so I think if he's got someone with him it'll make things easier for him.

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 19:11

TimeForABreak4

MiL and the deceased didn’t have the same mother and didn’t really grow up together.

It is a sizeable inheritance.

My partner is intrigued as I am but is laughing at my concerns.

Somebody said up thread that she might record him saying that he had never met the half-great uncle. That wouldn’t be a concern as I don’t think not knowing someone precludes one from inheriting from them.

We will obviously have a chat before but he will just be non-committal if the conversation moves onto dodgy ground.

OP posts:
Chenecinquantecinq · 15/04/2025 18:57

Eh is this a wind up?

Shubbypubby · 15/04/2025 18:54

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 15/04/2025 17:55

Step great uncle

Show quote history

She’s said “half” three bloody times.

Whatonearth07957 · 15/04/2025 18:50

She is clearly going to angle to tap your son up for some cash. He should decline or as a minimum have some phrases ready to put her off.

ClearFruit · 15/04/2025 18:43

Award for oddest thread of the week goes to.....

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