18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

Why not get him to message her and ask if there is anything in particular she wishes to discuss as he's planning to bring you along. That may either cause her to cancel or at least explain. If you're there nothing will happen. Also a coffee rather than a meal would allow you to exit much quicker if he feels uncomfortable. Or she might be just getting to know him and wanting to talk about the uncle.

I used to meet my nephew for lunch when he was in London......sometimes at his request swhen he was short of money as he knew I would pay🤣 We have a lovely, close relationship but it's weird that this request has come out of the blue by a virtual stranger. Weird!

I would place bets that she's going to give him a sob story and want something from the estate. He should not go alone.

Why does he need to meet her at all? She’s going to ask him for something. I wouldn’t be going if I was him.

"I am on the point of now advising him not to go"

Stop meddling you absolute loon - find a hobby!

This woman who none of you have ever met and is asking your 18 year old son out for lunch is weird.
She’s definitely going to be after money so why is your son going.
Op advise son to not go and tell her he’s going travelling for a while.
I really don’t like the sound of it at all.
Or, if for some reason Ds really want to meet her, then you and Dh should also go with the excuse of wanting to meet her as well and take HER out for lunch.
.

I'm confused. He's your son so what's "kind of a family member" and what do you mean "I imagine her to be 60s/70s"? If this woman is family how don't you know?

Unlikely that this woman wants to get to know a teenaged distant relative of her late partner.

She might want to tap him for money or drag him into a contentious probate situation. Hopefully he’ll have the sense to keep out of it. He’s a very young adult still in sixth form, so may need some guidance from you/his dad if this happens.

It could be totally fine and she's a kind but lonely lady wanting a connection with her deceased partner's family?

Could you ask her round to yours and make them both lunch instead, and you of course?

Well this is all very curious

People who are "concerned". What are you concerned about? The late great half uncle (hope I've got that right) has left him money in his will. There's nothing this woman who might be in her 60s can do about that now.

I haven't RTFT but has he messaged her and said "thank you for the invitation, it's a bit of a surprise, especially as we've never met. Can you tell me why you want to meet in advance?" or anything eminently sensible like that.

I cringe at the idea of OP hiding out in a hotel round the corner.

Maybe she might put him in her will?

Your son is an adult now. It’s normal for him to have family relationships without you there.

I see you describe this lady as partner not wife. Do you think that late half-great uncle and this lady met later in life and decided to keep their finances separate? Nevertheless, I can see that if he didn't have children of his own, that she may have assumed that his money would go to her or her children rather than distant relatives. If so his will was probably a shock! That doesn't excuse attempting to put pressure on an 18 year old.

Perhaps she knows your Son is going to University and wants to make sure he has the funds for the essentials he will need?

Perhaps she will say that she wishes him every success?

My Nan died in 1988 and I had no automatic right to the small inheritance left to me until I was 21. My Aunt however who was the executor of her will decided to allow me to inherit the money at 18 because I was going to university and thought that it would be better to give it to me then!

she had put the money into a bond and doubled the value of it.

I spent it on a computer and deposit for halls of residence accommodation.

I'd be concerned she's going to try to bully him out of some/all of his inheritance..

So having a mature, supportive adult there or close at hand if he needs them seems sensible to me!

I don't see why your DS has to meet her at all.

I agree that it is an odd request and that she may try to pull on his heart strings re sharing his inheritance or try to catch him out somehow.

Can he not just say no to the meet?

Given the circumstances, why on earth would this woman invite him to lunch, without telling him why ????

If she had good intentions, she would have announced them in the invitation.

Maybe it's s birth mum, or birth grandmother.

@EWAB

Being of a suspicious nature, I'd say chances are this person is probably going to ask your son for money. What other reason could she possibly have? It wouldn't make sense for her to try and get him to refuse the inheritance since she's not in the will. Since she's not a beneficiary no refused legacy would revert to her. But trying to wheedle money out of a young person by playing on their sympathy or guilt? Yep, I could see that.

At 18 my DS1 would tell her (politely) where to get off. But DS2? At 18 he'd have been much more susceptible to a sob story.

No, don't tag along, if he wants to go, he should go, and enjoy being treated for lunch, I know I would, if he's going to University he sounds intelligent enough to look after himself, and enjoy some lively conversation with the lady.

My advice to my dc of similar age would be to decline the lunch, and agree a telephone call. He can sound her out first, and then decide if he would like to meet her in person.

I am guessing she is going to ask him to remain in the house, or similar. Whatever it is - it’s unlikely to benefit your child.

Has his cousin who was the other beneficiary had an invite out?

YAB off the scale U imo

Maybe she'll take him for a tattoo or similar