18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

Sorry if I have misunderstood, but if this lady is the widow of your son's recently deceased great uncle, and the GU left your son lots of money in his will, maybe she just wants to meet people who were important to her husband.

It's not unreasonable to go with your son if he asks you to go along as support, as he has never met this person before and as its her partner who has put him in the will, it most probably is concerning the will, in which case I would ask him if he would like yourself or someone else to accompany him. 18 is adult but still young, and he may need advise/support to protect his interests. Speak to your son and if he doesn't want anyone to go with him atleast explain your worries and give him advise not to agree to, or sign anything. Good luck.

Yes that’s good advice from saltine ^

Can he contact the solicitors and find out if they have heard of her and/or if they know of any problems coming from her?

@EWAB I think you need to be giving him the tools and strategies to navigate this but not necessarily doing it for him. I think the compromise of your husband introducing himself is a good one.

So things like contacting the solicitors, not agreeing to anything (and helpful phrases to use), not being specific with his plans for the money, not giving info away about the cousin, ending the lunch gracefully if things go sideways, etc.

I can’t see any reason for her to want to meet him other than to ask for money, give a sob story or to cause trouble. Presumably she knows that he wasn’t close to the deceased, so it’s not as if it’s for sentimental reasons.

18 is young to deal with this sort of thing. My eldest is an adult, and despite them being over 18, I would absolutely guide them
in this situation and strongly discourage the meeting.

No, not if I am not invited.

You should probably read all the OPs posts!

I am perplexed as to why a random stranger asks to meet a young adult and you agreed. He can say no. There is no obligation to meet and a reasonable question would - why do you want to meet or discuss? Unless she says upfront what she wants to discuss just say no.

An older lady relative who may otherwise be alone on Easter asking a young relative to join her for a meal? I would absolutely not join them.

What is the issue with your son saying to this woman something like "given we've never met, I'm curious as to what is the reason you want to meet for lunch without Half Great Uncle Bulgaria present?"

Or basically asking why?

In this context, it's peculiar she wants to meet him alone. He is only 18 and I'd probably be discouraging the meeting alone in the first place given what you've said.

It would be less strange if she'd said Great Uncle Bulgaria and I will be wombling around Wimbledon so if you are in the area, let's have lunch. It's all very odd and I think you are right to be suspicious. If you are at a stage where you are seriously thinking she could be recording him secretly, that's enough of a worry to discourage it.

I'd get him to ask her why she wants to meet and not accept any "I'll tell you when I see you, don't want to discuss it" type flanneling and persist with a 'I just want to know roughly' until you/he gets some idea.

Is this family member Joan Collins?

Do you know if his will made provision for this lady? Is it possible it didn’t and she’s angling for the house or some money to buy herself a new one?

Totally reasonable. He's barely an adult.

And partner could mean any number of things.

No.

I think if her intentions were good she would speak to him in the presence of parents.

They're old enough to get married, vote, fight for their country. I was living on my own by 18. It is all relative I suppose.

this seems very sensible advice. I have a DC of a similar age, and yes they can be naive at that age.

So based on your initial post I said you were being unreasonable, but given the information since, YANBU. I recently went to a conference in the same town as my husband’s niece is attending uni and I was delighted to be able to take her out for a meal because that’s what aunties should be doing for student nieces. But that’s not what’s happening here at all. I appreciate you didn’t think through the drip feed, but the results of your poll will be from your first post so won’t reflect what people actually think of your situation. I think all you can do is make sure he’s on his guard, and tell him that it’s perfectly acceptable to walk out if he feels uncomfortable.

I agree, but 18 isn't it. They aren't children but they aren't fully formed adults either.

I wouldn’t go but I would speak to my DS and see how he felt about it and maybe set up a code for if he at any point felt uncomfortable and then if they are local you could possibly pop in as you were passing if necessary.

Then if this woman, who was his partner, is neither an executor nor a beneficiary, my concern would be that she's miffed at being left out of the will and wants to give your son a sob story about how she's going to be slung out on the street, penniless and with nowhere to live. I think she might want to strike some kind of a deal with him. I think your DH should probably stay with him just in case things get awkward. Eighteen really isn't all that old to be dealing with something like this.

I just think I grapple with him being an adult but still a child. Does that make sense?

Yes, but be advised, my mum still grapples, and I am in my 50s. There comes a time to let it go.

you should advise him wisely: « this week end, I couldn’t but why don’t you come over where I live? »

If she wants trouble, she won’t want to come under your protection… if she is ok, she will accept.

She's surely after something. Tell him to not agree to anything. "Sorry I don't understand the implications here, I'll get back to you"

But he's never met her, and she's only met the mum once, that is a little odd.