18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

Do you think she is going to try and emotionally blackmail your son in to not accepting the inheritance if she isn’t a beneficiary? Maybe she thinks she should have inherited?

People can behave really badly over money and inheritance. I was an extremely independent 18 year old but wouldn't have had the experience to deal with this. It's only something you see over time as family and friends you thought you knew start to behave 'out of character' and grabby.

I have to admit I'm thinking this.

The woman is not a widow leaglly as she wasn't married to the man leaving the money.

Also if there another older cousin who has also been left money has he been asked for a meal or is it just the 18 year old?

18 still at home in sixth form very different to same kids left home for even a term at uni - there's a lot more naivety and lack of life experience.

I think if the meal takes palce his dad introducing himself reminding him not to sign anything and that he will be nearby if things get awkward - in front of her letting them both know there back up proably best thing that can be done here.

Suggest he message her and tell her as this is an unusual situation I'll need to know what you'd like to discuss with me first

Exactly this

Looking forward to update.

He might want the family solicitor on speed dial if things get unfriendly. This could be Great Expectations but with an unhappy ending.

PP are saying that the woman might be annoyed that the uncle left the nephew everything, but I don't see anywhere where the OP says it's everything. In fact she says another cousin is a beneficiary too.

If the son is getting a lot of money, she probably just wants to say hi and may assume that he might like to know a little about the man who has left him such a sum. She's the best person for that. She might also want to share - possibly on behalf of the deceased - why he left him the money. Sounds like the man was a kindly old benefactor.

The partner might have her own money and being a partner, not a spouse, she's probably independent. They might not even live together.

I don't see for a moment why a parent can't go with him. In fact, I think it's probably best, because he's very young and there might be some talk about estates/wills that he doesn't understand.

Sounds like a sensible solution all around, OP.

It is an odd situation and one in which it would be best for any young adult to feel someone is nearby who has their back. If indeed, he need meet her at all.

As usual on AIBU, several pages of weird responses from random numpties.

Did you read the OPs follow up posts?

And if she isn’t alone, he should stay.

Will you please report back and let us know if this lady is being weird/dodgy or just wanting to meet your son?
I also recommend that your son has an “appointment” to get to about 1.5hrs after the meeting time. It’s time for lunch and a quick chat, and then he has to leave so he can make this imaginary appointment. (It could be with his dad around the corner, but it’s best she doesn’t know about that.)

No, I wouldn't tag along, that's just weird. I thank my lucky stars my DM didn't treat me like a child when I was 18.

I think there's a very good chance that this lady simply thinks that an 18 year old young man, about to start university, is an adult. She probably didn't invite either parent to accompany him because she doesn't think he's a child.

Are you the older relative doing a reverse because his mum is tagging along?

Or are you the mum and you suffered at the hands of this person when you were younger?

Or you're the mum who won't accept her son's an adult and thinks it's ok to gatecrash?

Or you're worried she's going to tell him some truths that will make you look bad?

We haven't the faintest idea how to answer this.

If you don't have any decent advice then hush! Did you see the part where OP has agreed for her dp to accompany him, shake hands with the lady and leave. A mother has a right to be concerned in this circumstance where a lady wants to meet her son likely linked to a will she is not a part of. Go get lost somewhere with your pathetic response.

I can imagine it. Older lady, wants to meet some of her husbands extended family to wish him well, then goes back to where she came from and is never heard of again. Meanwhile mum tries to brainwash son into thinking this was totally weird and should never have happened.

When I think of the life experiences my peers and I had long before we were 18, I cannot imagine why this is even an issue. I remember going to London on my own from the West Midlands when I was 15, and going into Birmingham city centre alone on a bus on a Saturday morning was perfectly normal for most of us after the age of about 12.

I'm looking forward to the update....

Still no idea why you need to go nor what him being a man has to do with it it is not Jane Austen territory

I know I see things differently at my age, given that during the 1990s when I was 18 it was not at all uncommon to have left home by that point and even those who hadn't were very much considered to be adults (heaven knows I left school and went to work when I was 16), but I'm failing to see why an 18 year old can't take all this in his stride. If nothing else it's going to be useful life experience.

The woman who wants to meet with him is not an executor, therefore there's nothing she can do to take any inheritance away from this young man. She'll only get it if (when he eventually gets it) he hands it to her.

That, or he signs some sort of deed of variation, but then the solicitors and executors have got to agree to that and for it to be in the best interests of all concerned. That's never going to happen.

It’s all very odd and suspicious to me. Either she’s gonna try and talk him round to giving up his inheritance, or she’s gonna ask him for money somehow, get hi, to say or sign something. I can’t honestly imagine what else it could be. Nothing good that’s for sure.

That’s a good idea, keep us posted.

Ah. Well you should not go along. But ask him for a debrief.

I’m surprised your 18 year old Ds would want to go to lunch with this old woman who he has never met…
How bizzare!
She’ll be after money, I can guarantee it…
Just because someone invites you to lunch, doesn’t mean you have to go and in this case I hope your Ds doesn’t…

Based solely on what you've said in your original post, yes it would be unreasonable to tag along uninvited.