18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

I think you have posted before about how your DH's family treat your eldest son. Whilst they aren't particularly unkind to your son, they don't consider him to be family in any way, because he is not related to them by blood. The difference between your two sons is very stark because this is the second large inheritance your youngest son has received.

This might make him think in exactly the way she didn't want.

A foolish person.

We were wrong to jump to conclusions about her motives being self-serving (as a few PPs pointed out, in fairness) but she has overstepped, which is distasteful. It’s up to your son what he does with his money. If he chooses to help out his half-brother with a cash gift that is up to him.

So we were all right. She was trying to interfere and control DS in some way.
Nasty.

My beautiful eldest son hasn’t even been told about his brother receiving yet another windfall and he would never exploit anyone. He coaches and taught an instrument for extra money even when he was studying abroad.
So there we have it.

Gosh, well there is obviously a huge backstory there. Are you going to tell us what it is? Is your eldest son no blood relative to the deceased man? Is this great half uncle on your husband's side or yours? What do they have against your eldest and why has he been ignored twice in favour of giving money to your youngest?

What a horrid woman she is, trying to dictate how he spends his inheritance.

Did the lunch happen yet?

Agree with much of what @2JFDIYOLO says but if the woman has been shafted by the late GF and the son is in a position to help her, then he should at least consider it.
He's got £120k off someone else I think?
It would be nice to be open to the idea of helping the woman depending on circumstances of course but he should in no way feel obliged to obviously.

I think it's likely to be a complicated, difficult and fraught conversation.

Probably to do with her not getting what she'd been led to expect from the partner she wasn't married to. Which is a shame, but not his responsibility.

And maybe an intention to approach him as a soft easily manipulated target barely out of adolescence. The lunch is likely to be an attempt to create a sense of obligation. I did this nice thing for you. Now you do a nice thing for me.

I think it might be wise for him to decline the lunch invitation (a pressing family matter etc), but perhaps be open to a phone / zoom conversation a parent could be there for. In case it needed shutting down and he didn't feel able to.

We don't know enough to judge but it's quite possible the deceased had been cohabiting with this lady and maybe said she needed to contribute to the roof over her head, which she did with whatever capital she had at her disposal, on the promise he'd bequeath it back to her in his will... and hasn't. All might be verifiable with bank transactions, written documentation etc but I wouldn't jump to assuming she's trying to get something for nothing. Costs nothing to hear and consider what she has to say without obligation on his part, but I wouldn't close my ears off to it without listening first, non comitally ofc.

It’s going to be a sob story about staying in the house or having access to funds. I have read the full thread but I still don’t think that an older woman is interested in getting to know a very young adult distant(ish) relative of her deceased chap. It’s not the same as an involved aunt/great aunt taking her young relative for lunch now and then.

Obviousky if he was expecting her to provide emotional and. Practical support in his final months/years but made no provision for her ongoing welfare in his will, it absolutely sucks. But it’s not the OP son’s problem.

Presumably because he's 18 and an adult.

Why not the parent, one of which is also a relative? But to want to see the beneficiarie does seem sus.

You've posed that as a question, but I cannot see what you're asking. I didn't want to seem rude by not replying.

The 18 year old is the organ grinder in the sense that he might be able to give her something that she wants because she thinks there’s a chance he might not know better?

Unless she is trying to bypass the experienced adults in favour of the teenager who happens to be the beneficiary.

Well "bypass" is one way of looking at it. I took it that she has no interest in speaking to anyone else in the family, hence why she's speaking to the organ grinder and not the monkey.

For a catch up with her late partner’s family - if this is just an innocent sharing memories, getting to know you lunch then she should have contacted her partner’s nephew the 18-year-old’s Dad - the member of the family she has met before not a teenager she’s never met.

Unless she is trying to bypass the experienced adults in favour of the teenager who happens to be the beneficiary.

It’s suspicious that she has gone straight to the 18 year old beneficiary - who she’s never met - and has not given any context for her lunch request.

Who else would she go to?

tbf she doesn't sound hugely physically threatening but .... 🤔you all seem terrified of her. Am I missing something?

In England, yes you can absolutely refuse an inheritance. That doesn't mean it goes to a person who the deceased made no provision for, you'd have to accept it and then give it to them yourself for that.

I think if the OP's son is named in a Will, he has to accept it. I don't think he can refuse his inheritance. If the widow lady was left nothing by her partner and is annoyed by this fact, then she has to challenge the Will in court.

All the conversation about whether 18 is old enough to manage on their own is a red herring in this situation - as a 50-year-old I’d take a friend with me in this situation.

I’d advise a 20/30/40 year old to so too.

People get weird around wills and money.

If she simply wanted to connect with her partner’s family and share some memories etc she would have contacted the OP’s DH first because he’s her late partner’s nephew.

It’s suspicious that she has gone straight to the 18 year old beneficiary - who she’s never met - and has not given any context for her lunch request.

I agree with this too.