Can’t decide if I’m reading too much into this…

You only need to consult your own feelings here. If you think there’s anything to be revived in this former friendship, I’d interpret the tone as tentative, given that she didn’t attend your hen, and go. If you don’t, decline politely. Whether you attend the wedding is a separate issue, but prompts the same question - do you want to go? (Have you actually accepted?) Or just accept the friendship is dead as a doornail. Though I do t view having children/not having children as any reason why a fruendships wouldn’t work. I have a child, but have close childfree friends .

I’d decline as you’re clearly an afterthought if the hen is in 2 weeks! It sounds like the friendship has been slow fading since your wedding, I’d let it go personally.

If she had said "I'd love you to be here" then it would have given you some reason to feel she genuinely wants you at her hen.

In fairness, her comment "if it doesn't suit" could mean that she knows the activity is something you have done before and doesn't want you to feel like you have to do it again.

however it sounds like you don't warm to her and don't have a strong rapport because you dont feel you have enough in common and your lives are following different tracks.

if she's only 10 minutes away and you don't mind spending the money then go along but you may well find she will hardly engage with you all evening and you'll come away feeling even worse. Trust your instinct, it's there for a reason.

also imagine after the wedding, how will you feel if she then doesn't bother to keep in touch and you're back to unfulfilling one line/monosyllabic texts every 6 months.

This

It's probably the same wording copy and paste to everyone, we can call read something more into things if we want too

This

She is not your friend and it seems like she doesn't really want you to go

I’d go.

We all go through different life phases with friends. Uni work can be huge amounts of pressure and can affect people’s mental health and ability to be sociable. Try to be empathetic about that.

Good friends keep things going through all the waxes and wanes and it pays off when you’re older. When you have kids it’s great to have childless friends, who you can hang out with without it being all ‘kid talk’. You don’t have to see good friends regularly. I often don’t seen or hear from friends for years. But when we get together it’s wonderful.

I agree that it's a chance to reset the relationships, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

I'd send light & breezy text declining both invitations for the hen party and wedding & wishing her well for the future. Then let the friendship drift, it takes effort from all sides & you're both at different stages of your life.

Which is to say I think your instincts are spot-on.

Sorry to say but, like the above poster, I think this is an "un-vitation".

This screams that she is only inviting you because she feels she should. If your gut is telling you no then don’t go - will open a can of worms where you both feel awkward and fake.

Sounds like she is trying to save face as being a friend while telling you at the same time that she doesn’t really want you there. So by inviting you she is doing the ‘friend’ thing and she doesn’t have to be the bad guy.

a hen that’s two weeks ago wasn’t planned yesterday. It does seem like you were an afterthought and she’s hoping it’s too short notice for you to join.

It's very possible she just sent the same text to everyone, a cut and paste message, so the 'if it's too far' and 'if it doesn't suit' comments might just be because it was just the generic message she sent to all her friends, you included. So I don't think it means she's trying to deter you from going - only that she doesn't want anyone to feel obliged to go.

You could give her a call, text messages have no feelings, it might make you both feel better... but at least you'll know

I wonder if she sent that kind of message to a lot of the people she invited and she’s trying to avoid a “big thing”, and probably didn’t think it through when saying the same thing to you.

Or, she’s actively trying to avoid you coming. I can only thing it’s because she feels awkward around you for some reason.

Whatever the situation is, I would just do whatever suits you and don’t worry about her cos she clearly doesn’t want a big thing anyway.

This is pretty straightforward.

if you want to be friends still go to the wedding and the hen do.

if you don’t, politely decline and send best wishes.

The ball is pretty clearly in your court.

Adding to my comment, I also dislike when people say things like “you can come if you want” or “don’t feel like you have to come”

Do you want me there or not?

It isn’t like she said “I’d actually love to see you before the wedding to catch up, sorry it’s late notice but are you free on x date as my hen do is on this date and I would love for you to come”

It all sounds a bit stressful, she's invited you very last minute. You could say something like 'oh what a shame, I love 'x activity' as you know but I'm busy that date, have a fab time though'. It sounds like this friendship has very much drifted and it might not be very comfortable if you went to the hen. Wedding is easier if you're invited with partner or people you know as it's less intense.

Did you ever find out why your ex best friend went funny on you before you wedding day?

To pull out of your hen and bridesmaid is a huge thing, I don’t know if I could recover from this and pretend that didn’t happen without an explanation.

Now she is getting married you’ve received and invite and a (sorry to say) afterthought invite to her hen do?

I would tread carefully but

The ball is in your court. This could make or break your friendship.

This was my first thought. I don't think it's come across the way it was intended. Whether you go or not is up to you.

I think she's feeling embarrassed about everything that happened around your wedding and hen do. She would like to include you but recognises you might feel like she let you down when you got married and not be interested. She's extending an invitation whilst not wanting you to feel obligated to attend. The tone is quite apologetic. I suspect now that she is getting married she feels regret for not being a better friend when you did.

If you don't want to go I'd simply send a polite response saying thank you for the invitation, you won't be able to make it but hope she has a good time. You may feel annoyed right now but this is the response which will be better for your peace of mind long term, you will never have cause to regret it but you might if you give away how pissed off you are.

from your visceral reaction to the message (and whole situation) I'd be seriously considering not attending either event, a previously booked clashing holiday or other event.

It appears you'll gain nothing from being there, and at worse you'll cause further harm to you, or your relationship, so bow out gracefully and remove the risk.