Based on this comment - have I been badly brought up?

When it's a one-off, you shut up and eat it.

When it's someone who might be cooking for you reguarly, you tell them.

When it's your mother and you've been eating it for years, it's pretty awkward. I can't see myself though, how their mother could think they like it if they've beren giving it to them since they were kids. Kids are not backward about saying they don't like things; and even if they are told not to complain, would show by their actions whether they were keen on something or not. A mother would have to be pretty oblivious not to have noticed her kids hate something she's giving them regularly.

So I’ve been brought up wrong then.

Sam and Hannah should be a bit more concerned with how they have been raised.
I have an intolerance to fish, am I considered not polite or raised wrong because I decline something that makes me poorly..
Absolute madness

If I was invited to a friends for dinner, I'd probably grin and bear it. But as an adult my mum would already know what I like and don't like anyway. I find it weird that she wouldn't just say she doesn't like it. The mum is probably making it cause she thinks it's her favourite, with her eating it every time she visits. I'd much prefer my kids to tell me if they don't like something (which they do when I make something new), I wouldn't go through the effort of making it again.

You’re really not badly brought up but your colleagues might be as they’ve been so rude to you. And absolute wet wipes if they don’t have the balls to tell their own parents they don’t like to eat bloody lasagne.

I don't know...I've never found a way of telling my friend politely that the lasagne she invariably makes when we go round just isn't great and we eat it out of politeness - and really isn't the best lasagne in the world.

Oh, and @Canwehaveahotsummer no I don't think you were being rude or badly brought up. If I was your mother and making what I thought was your favourite food and it ended up not being, I'd be mortified!
Is it that she likes lasagne but noone else other than you does? So the only time she can eat her favourite?!

So it's OK to say someone is badly bought up, in a professional setting, but rude to tell your mum you don't like lasagne?

Your colleague was rude to you and she was rude about her mum because she was complaining to other people about her food rather than telling her mum she's not a fan of lasagne.

If her behaviour is an example of being well bought up I'm happy to be an oik.

I couldn't tell my mother if I didn't like something either.
And I was also told that "respecting" my parents was desirable and that meant not questioning what they told you.
So I get where the "badly brought up" comment comes from. But sadly, suspect it comes from your colleagues being brought up in a controlling family, and not having yet realised how many ideas they have absorbed and not thought about them from an outside perspective.

I grew up having to eat everything and not complain. If we didn't finish a meal, it was given to us again, cold (assuming it had been hot in the first place), the next mealtime. I went veggie as a teenager to avoid eating the tough, over-cooked meat that we were served. My mother's response to that was to not serve the meat to me, so I got potatoes and overcooked watery veg for years. Probably not surprising I ended up with disordered eating.
I would far rather someone tells me their preferences than eat something to be polite.

I would suggest your colleagues have very strange and unnatural relationships with their families if they can’t say something as innocuous as ‘I hate lasagne’.

🤣

Agree. If I were her mum and found that out I’d feel so sad. I encourage my kids to be honest with me, though they’re still working on doing it with tact 😂

They are weird including your husband, you are the normal one x

Sounds like she was badly brought up in that she can’t have an open comfortable relationship with her family.

I think if lasagne were being served once and it was merely dislike, I'd suck it up. Bad mannered not to.

But if it was every time, I'd politely say that I'd prefer something else in advance (whilst trying not to imply I found it horrible). I managed to do this with my own parents.

However, I admit I was a complete mouse with my ILs - who served lasagne with buttered jacket potato (baffling side in itself), when I was temporarily off dairy due to breastfeeding.

Partly because I was desperate for cheese by this point and partly because it was enough of a job to stop MIL feeding it to my lactose-intolerant son. I looked pregnant afterwards I swelled up so much.

Managed to get DH to have a word, and next time I had the full works of dairy free cheese presented to me.

Hannah is a rude twat!

I know some people can choke down any food even if they don't like it, and they take some weird pride in it like it's a moral virtue. Other people like me get mocked and called fussy because we can't do that. I physically couldn't force myself to eat something I don't like, I would gag and retch which I think is far more rude. It's not a moral failing to have a sensitive sense of taste.

They are ridiculous and probably the sort of people who have terrrible sex lives because they can’t ask for what they want. They are the ones who have been neglected in my opinion as they lack assertiveness.

Manners are about being considerate of others and making them feel comfortable.

Surely telling your work colleagues behind your mum's back that her food makes you "gag" is beyond rude.

If I were Sam's mum I'd be very hurt by that and the fact that she felt she couldn't tell me herself that she'd like something different. Presumably her mum wants her to enjoy visits and make something special for her?

As PP have said, if it's a one off where you're a guest of someone you don't know well then you probably have to just eat a bit to be polite, but if it's a regular thing with a family member then I think not saying something (gently and politely) borders on dishonest.

Be proud of your background. Most people who grew up in council housing and without much money have had a great upbringing. Upbringing’s to do with learned values (community, kindness, generosity, trust) rather than material things.

Of course it is ok to express food preferences. The nuance is in how you communicate that and willingness to be a bit flexible and polite if you are served something that isn't exactly how you like it (with exceptions of course for allergies or religious/belief restrictions).

Nailed it! This is what I’d say to them if it’s brought up again.

This is interesting! My children will tell me if they don’t like something I’ve cooked. I prefer this as I don’t want to waste time and energy cooking food that’s not enjoyable. The same with friends. However, they won’t tell their father if he cooks something not to their taste as he gets offended and a bit sulky. I always told my Mum growing up if I wasn’t keen on something and she was fine with it- we all have different tastes. However I wouldn’t have told my late MIL as she would’ve been offended and upset and taken it personally!
I’d rather an honest and authentic relationship any day. It’s odd in my opinion to have an ego so fragile that you can’t take an honest opinion.

Sounds like Sam has a controlling mother and Hannah doesn't know what good manners are. You've no reason to doubt yourself OP. Feel sorry for them.

I’m curious about Sam and Hannah’s somment, the essence of which is “We are better than you”. I wouldn’t consider people friends after this sort of comment.