Based on this comment - have I been badly brought up?

My adult kids have never had a problem telling me they don’t like something and I’m glad. I’d be mortified if I’d been making the same dish every time they came over and they secretly hated it. But that would never happen because I brought my kids up properly - to have a voice.

Is it even real? It’s reads strangely to me. In what world would colleagues tell you, in this scenario, you were badly brought up?

Anyway, assuming it is real, no you weren’t badly brought up, your colleagues are weird and rude, as is your dh. You’re the only well brought up one amongst you.

They are being ridiculous - if one can't say to one's mother 'I don't like this or that', I don't know if there is a parental relationship there at all. A parental home should be the place where you can express anything - your fears, dislikes, hesitations - anything. And a person who was properly brought up would never say to anyone else, that they were not properly brought up, even if they were not properly brought up.

I haven’t been brought up very well either then and neither have my kids lol, they sound like a pair of mugs who are gonna spend the rest of their life eating things they don’t like just because they can’t tell their own mothers they don’t like something.

Ridiculous! My DC would tell me, politely, when they disliked something from the age of 10 and they still would. My DGC would also do so. It’s not a big deal as long as they are polite about it.

This has reminded me that my MIL got into her head that I loved apple pie and would serve it up (shop bought, not particularly nice version) every time I visited.

I don't mind apple pie and would eat it but when she said "it's your favourite isn't it?" I did reply "I like it, but I wouldn't say it's my favourite, I prefer x, y and z" every single time, but she continued to believe it.

Similar to the way that the dad of my DS's best friend at school was convinced my name was one thing when it was actually something similar but different (think Jane/Janet) and no matter how often I corrected him, he continued to use the wrong name. I think a lot of people just get an idea in their head and it can't be shifted.

It wasn't the done thing to criticise DMs cooking when I was a child and it was very much eat up or go hungry. I'm late 50s and I think this type of attitude was really common when i grew up, certainly I had a happy childhood and lovely parents, but like OP I would not tell my mum I didn't like what she's cooked, I would simply eat it and thank her. My DC make it very clear when they dislike a certain food. This did, when they were younger, cause friction with DM, when they wouldn't eat what she'd cooked. The DC learned not to complain at grandmas, she learned not to give them mushrooms and we only ate there very occasionally, if it had been more often I would have been more active in resolving it, or so i like to think now! I think this can be a generational thing.

They are mad! Why would you let someone go to the effort of making a home cooked meal in the belief they are making something you love when you know in advance you won't enjoy it? If they've made it before, you don't have to make them feel bad by saying you hate it, but you could but in a request for something they cook that you do like. Or just say you've gone off it.

My DH and his siblings used to do this with his mum though and I never never understood it. She wanted to make her children happy so why they faked liking something to make her happy rather than using their words to make a request and then being genuinely appreciative, I could never understand.

This. I'd find it absolutely bizarre if I couldn't tell my parents about food I didn't like. My parents themselves would be wondering themselves where they went wrong if I wasn't able to tell them!

Of course there's no need to be rude, but all my close friends and family know my likes and dislikes and vice versa. Though saying that I don't think my lovely FIL has ever got over his horror at the egg curry myself and my husband made for him about 10 years ago 😂

This is such a British thing!

My DH is from a Middle Eastern country where they are quite blunt as a culture. My mother is frequently horrified by his refusal to pussyfoot around in making his feelings clear. She still talks in hushed tones of the time he asked if she could open the lounge window instead of sweltering quietly.

Ha ha this is one of the nuttiest things I’ve ever read! Of course you should be able to say you e gone off a particular food without causing a big drama! My daughter and I will frequently analyse our cooking-to an outsider it might seem as if we’re being critical but it’s just discussing how it could be improved next time! My dh is a bit like this though. He is more of the opinion that if someone has cooked for you, it’s rude not to eat it. It imo, you should be honest with family-honest doesn’t mean rude.

Those types of upbringings though also tend to come alongside not telling people to THEIR face they’ve been badly brought up (or similarly rude stuff).

I think Sam's mother didn't bring her up well if she has no idea her daughter hates lasagne

Imagine having such a poor relationship with your mum you couldn't tell her you weren't keen on lasagne or suggest the meals were switched up a bit, in advance of course.

It is rude if someone has made a meal and you refuse to eat it, but someone who is cooking for you regularly of course you tell them!

Rude:
"Yuk, not lasagne again, I’ve always hated it!"
"The way you cook the eggs makes me want to vomit!"

Not rude at all:
"Actually I’ve gone off lasagne, perhaps you could make something different, if that’s ok? I always enjoy your shepherd's pie."
"Please could you leave my egg in the water for another minute or two, I like them firmer than you do." (Said before the eggs are removed from the water.)

Anyone who thinks they can’t politely express an easy preference (before the food is cooked) is just silly.

I can understand not saying 'urgh, I HATE your lasagne, it tastes of poo and it's disgusting! Now get back in that kitchen and make something to appease my Princess Palate!'. That would be rude.

But 'mum, I've really gone off lasagne, but I love your roast dinners, could we have one of those next time I'm over please?' Isn't rude in the least.

There are ways of putting something... and then there are other ways.

I think there's two different scenarios - being brought up without a lot of money so you ate what you were given; or being brought up with an awful cook as a parent who would fly off the handle at any criticism.

I had the latter and was forced to eat many bloody awfully cooked meals, even as they were stone cold. DH had the former and now will eat anything, but mention afterwards could it be more X or less Y if we had it again.

Yes, my 84 year old mother was brought up this way. Eat what you are given and be grateful for it. And never, ever question adults or those in authority.

My mum tried really hard to raise myself and my siblings differently. I, in turn, have a far more open communication style with my own dc.

So @Canwehaveahotsummeryour colleagues’ views are rather old fashioned. I would be very wary of someone who commented on how I had been raised - that is incredibly rude of her.

Telling colleagues how much you dread your mum’s food is rude.

Commenting on a colleague’s upbringing and manners (or lack of) is incredibly rude.

You are definitely not the problem here, but I do wonder if your insecurities and perceived notion that they’re “better” for growing up middle class is why they think they can get away with being so rude to you.

There is a difference between I don’t like Lasagna- perfectly acceptable, I like lasagna but don’t like this element - needs tact and depends if it is someone who will be cooking it again for you. And I don’t like your lasagna which is just rude

there is a great children’s book Daisy Eat your peas which shows this and highlights how everyone is allowed to like and dislike stuff and as long as done politely is fine to say

I remember once ny FIL cooked me my meal from hell (pork in a prune sauce) it was the day of the July 5th London bombings and we had not been due round his for dinner but we had to walk from where we both worked in north London to DH sister in south London where FIL collected us in his car and we stayed at his until the trains were running and we could get home so he cooked for us. And I ate it but later on he realised I hate all forms of dried fruit and don’t really like pork but understood why at the time I didn’t say anything!

What strange people your co-workers are. Of course you can have these perfectly normal conversation with your family members.

When I was a child, my mum always used to make minestrone soup for us to eat on Sundays (which were busy yet dull, because weekends were the times to catch up on chores for my working parents). I hated minestrone soup. But I was a child and never spoke up. Years later I reminded mum of this and told her how much I loathed the stuff. She looked momentarily astonished and then burst out laughing and apologised for all the years I’d been eating this stuff I hated. She didn’t fly into a rage; why should she?

There's a difference between
"Do you like lasagne? I was thinking of making it."
"No, I don't sorry."

and

"You know this lasagne you've been making me for 25 years? I hate it with every fibre of my being. Every visit to you has been an ordeal."

If it's a friend, cooking occasionally, and it just "isn't great" then no, you say nothing. "Isn't great" is fine for something you're not paying for.

If you really don't want it start telling her not to make any food at all; say you have eaten earlier, or will later.

Can I bring up another point of view?
I was brought up to always eat what was on my plate, never complain and eat it all up.
My adult children on the other hand would always say if they don’t like something.
However this means that my life has been spent eating what other people like.
In the ops example perhaps the colleagues mum likes lasagna but thinks it’s a bit of a faff making it just for herself or for her and her DH. So when the colleague goes home makes it to show love for her DD.
Just another example of how women of a certain age always have to put other people first.

I wouldnt tell an acquaintance/friend that the lasagnes are crap.
I probably gently tell a good friend and I’d have no hesitation to tell them that I prefer my eggs less runny (because it’s a preference, nothing to do with their cooking ability)
Parents or a partner? How do you expect them to know if you never tell them? Are you suppose to gag on lasagne for the rest of your life ‘because it’s rude to say Theyre crap’??

I would not eat food I didn’t like (I will try everything once like when my neighbours prepared oysters but my DH and DC refused). I also can’t drink shit wine either. I always take my own and have it open ready to drink. I don’t do superficial relationships unless I don’t care about the person and then I may play along just to keep my disdain towards them hidden.

Having said that, my mother stopped cooking for us as soon as we got married. I love lasagne and would welcome anyone cooking it for me. In fact there isn’t much I won’t eat apart from oysters again.