Based on this comment - have I been badly brought up?

Hannah then said that I would think that because I hadn’t been brought up well, like Sam had and so wouldn’t understand that you can’t say things like that.

How extraordinarily rude.

These people aren't your friends, they look down on you and are extremely rude. They most certainly have no genuine courtesy.

I think the situations you describe it’s perfectly fine to say something. I could definitely ask my mum to cook something else/say I preferred a different meal. If I was invited to a friends house for a meal I would politely eat it and thank them for cooking, even if I didn’t like it or thought it could be made better.

Wtf of course you can tell your mum that without being rude. And no one wants a slimy egg either, absolutely nothing wrong with saying can I have it a little more done please. It's not rude at all

I have by, literally every mad metric, been well brought up. Present loving parents, mother at home with us until secondary school, good manners drilled into me, been stood over while I write my thank you notes, piano lessons, language tutors, ponies, family meal times at the table with proper silverware. Etc etc etc.

I wouldn’t dream of enduring endless meals I didn’t like without mentioning it. It’s not rude to politely express a preference at all. My mum knows I don’t like red meat + my husband isn’t keen on heavy pasta dishes. I know she isn’t wild about pastry. We are happy to cater to each others preferences.

I don’t think your friends are well brought up - I think they have weird / dysfunctional family communication.

Your friends are weird.Why woulnow talk open and honestly with their mum?

iAlso would have very annoyed at being told off like a naughty child by my DH. 😡

It is not you, they were weirdly brought up. Forget about it.

I remember as a child going to people’s house and being fed food that did literally make me gag, but forcing it down “to be polite” it was miserable! It’s much easier just to say “oh sorry mum actually I’m not keen on lasagna” than to keep forcing it down.

I just think it's abit sad for someone to have that kind of relationship where they can't even say they don't like a meal. Makes me wonder if they talk about anything of substance.
In my family it has always been brutal honesty.....with a side of piss taking!😁

I think you pick your moments for telling someone you are not keen on a particular food. You don't wait until a dollop of it is about to be served on your plate. It's perfectly possible at an appropriate moment though to tell someone that they make a great lasagne and for some reason you just have come to not like the taste of lasagne any more. Not their lasagne but lasagne in general. Then make a request for - next time you visit - one of the other dishes they make that you really do like.

I think Sam's badmouthing her mother's lasagne secretly to friends and eating it up dutifully at the time is disrespectful and a betrayal. Either eat it up and say nothing or find a relaxed time to explain your preferences to Mum.

My kids have absolutely no problem telling me if they don’t like something I cooked. They will also tell me what I should cook because they like it. Isn’t it normal to have this conversation with kids about what they like/not like? I couldn’t imagine going through life thinking my kids like something when they hate it.
That reminds me of that ad about dementia with the daughter always giving her father nut chocolate and him saying ‘don’t tell my daughter I always hated it, it makes her so happy’.

Flobby poached eggs are horrid - I couldn’t force one down!

it would not be rude to say to your parent “actually could you cook your fish pie / roast chicken / bangers and mash etc please? I’d love to eat that”.

Your husband's reaction to the eggs thing sounds insane. Also just the description of the eggs he cooked is making me feel queasy

I bring home dinner & sometimes I get
”oh I’m not eating that “ 😂 😂
I certainly don’t get offended .
infact , Sat night , I made chicken , potatoes & broccoli & my 14 year old took the broccoli off of her plate & said “ I don’t eat broccoli “ , I said “ since when “ ! as we did only have it about 3 evenings before that, & she ate it all 😂

Agreed. If it's your own parent/partner of course you can say these things!

Or maybe I'm badly brought up too!!

OP, I’d certainly speak up (politely!) about any eggs with slimy, uncooked white. The mere sight of them makes me feel sick.

I don't think you've been badly brought up, its ok to express preferences like saying you don't like lasagne.

Nobody who was brought up with decent manners would say what Hannah said about you, its incredibly rude! You could have responded with 'In my family we tell eachother our feelings and opinions. I thought that was fairly normal'. Then leave it at that.

As for the poached egg situation, I think you're connecting the two unrelated incidents unnecessarily. And I'm with you about runny poached eggs. I prefer them soft.

Agree! The absolute rudest thing you can do is correct someone else's manners!

If you were invited to a friends house and they had cooked lasagne I can see the argument that it would be more polite to just pretend you like it. But not your own mum, ffs, that's ridiculous!

They have been brought up the good old British way, do as you’re told, eat what your given and any criticism, however well meaning or constructive is a grave insult, to be (privately) resented and stewed over for eternity. Same reason folk won’t complain in restaurants. On the other hand the increasing individualistic entitlement, fussiness and demanding to be pandered to is even worse. Not that that’s you here, should be fine to say that to your own family.

Being able to tell a close family member that you prefer certain foods is normal and indicates a healthy relationship.

However a lot of people don't have healthy family relationships. A significant number of those people aren't consciously aware that the relationship isn't healthy, although they may be aware that it they find it stressful, and end up, for example, eating food they hate because they're afraid to say they don't like it. The friend who said that it's rude to tell someone you don't want to eat something is repeating a childhood rule that they've been unable to move past. The daft thing is, this is such a minor thing. It's just food. It's just saying I don't like x food, can we have something else. It shouldn't be a big deal, it's not a personal insult. It's not something that anyone should be afraid to say.

My kids can tell me they don't like/want something, because our relationship is normal.

I struggle to tell my mother I don't like/want something, because the rules that were laid down in childhood are that this isn't allowed and is unacceptable behaviour. The adult is always right. If I do try to say, it's usually ignored anyway. It's a no win situation.

One of these relationships is healthy and one is most definitely not.

I've also got a lot of kids and they're all adults now, so I have to go through the 'quiz' when one of them is coming over for food - 'are you the one that doesn't like prawns, or are you the one that hates lamb?'

They will then list out their food preferences and I will cook accordingly. I'm not wasting nice food on something they won't eat, but I do get them mixed up sometimes (because some of them will eat some things and other won't touch it while others don't mind but don't really love it...)

I would have thought that part of hosting was to ask how someone wants their food - "How do you like your steak?" and not assume that everyone likes it the same way. I always do the same thing for dinner when my daughter comes home because it's a treat that she enjoys but if she went off it for any reason she would tell me and I could do something different.

I think, it's incredibly rude to comment on someone's upbringing. Rude and nasty. They obviously don't know the first thing about manners or social conduct so you can safely dismiss anything they say about it.

Previously, if I didn't like a particular dish I'd say it. My children certainly tell me. As long as they are polite about it I'll take it on board. Dh isn't very fussy (about food) and rarely complains about food but if something is horrible I would like him to say it. I don't want to put in effort and resources if someone hates the food. I do know which dishes and which vegetables he doesn't like now.

I wouldn't tell anyone outside my family if I didn't like their cooking especially if I didn't have to eat it every day. My mum used to be a fantastic cook and except for a few things i loved her food. She jnows which things they are and won't be. offended if i dont like them. It's the dish. Not her cooking.

Now with age and depression her food isn't that tasty anymore but I wouldn't complain because I don't want to hurt her feelings. However, if she made every time I visit a particular dish I couldn't stand it I would probably tell her so she doesn't waste time making it.

I think if you can’t be honest with your own mother then there is something wrong there. My mother wouldn’t be offended if I said I didn’t like something… she’d rather know.