How to respond politely when people comment on my weight loss

Why do people comment? To congratulate, because they know how hard it is. Or through shock - I would only normally say they look great but I met someone the other day and didn't recognise her, even though I know her, and I realised it's because she'd lost so much weight. So I just blurted out "You've lost weight!" and she said "Yes, eight stone" and I said "Wow, that's a whole person!" She laughed and changed the subject. I have no right to know how she did it and I don't care, but I respect that however you do it, it's not easy.

I lost four stone - took me many years - and a couple of people have said 'It's alright for you, you're slim". So I tell them how hard it was. Yes, it's rude to comment!

I'm finding comments like this very hard at the moment. Twice at work I've had people screaming across crowded rooms about my weight loss. It's an uncomfortable subject for me and always throws me and upsets me. Pretending to be happy/polite about it is difficult when you're shocked someone has brought it up!

Almost every problem ever is other people

Actually, Butchy, having read your earlier post about shoes/bag, I can see how it could backfire, however unintentionally. If I knew you, I would know what was ok with you and I would genuinely compliment you. If I just met you in the ladies or wherever and we smiled, I might say something nice about your bag. That's the context I meant.

We're all coming at this from our own experiences and reasonably, they don't match up. I'm honestly not trying to pick a fight. I imagine that the women who welcome comments on their weightloss tend to let people know and people then oblige. For me, weight is such a minefield and that I would be extremely reluctant to pass comment unless I was absolutely certain because there's no such thing as a throwaway comment about weight, it can really hurt someone. To me, people's bodies = their own business. It doesn't mean that I'm right but I'm very definite about that.

I don't signal that I welcome comments on weight loss (or anything for that matter). But I do appreciate them when I get them (which isn't often).

I just don't think that only ever complimenting a person on shoes or bags or such like is quite the neutral, minefield-free zone that you seem to think. Personally, I don't like it for the reasons I explained and it made me feel insecure as a youngster. I would never say anything negative to the person giving the compliment, of course - anymore than I would when someone compliments 'my hair'. But I'd be thinking/feeling it.

30 years ago I lost over 4 stone and achieved a healthy weight (I've kept it off but gawd it's been hard work). I also hated people commenting on it but my favourite was those who (seeing me for the first time since I lost the 4 and a bit stone) asked "Have you lost weight?" The temptation to say "No... what are you talking about?" was massive.

I'm not sure that we're really disagreeing actually?

The shoes/bag/dress thing I might -sparingly - say to any woman, whether I knew them or not. I would comment more personally to my actual friends who I knew were trying to lose weight, having issues with hair, whatever - because we would be friends and it would be odd not to with that relationship.

So perhaps the nuance isn't really much of a nuance at all - it's "If you know the person involved and know that they will appreciate x,y,z comment"...

We're all coming at this from our own experiences and reasonably, they don't match up. I'm honestly not trying to pick a fight. I imagine that the women who welcome comments on their weightloss tend to let people know and people then oblige. For me, weight is such a minefield and that I would be extremely reluctant to pass comment unless I was absolutely certain because there's no such thing as a throwaway comment about weight, it can really hurt someone. To me, people's bodies = their own business. It doesn't mean that I'm right but I'm very definite about that.

If you say ‘you look so well’ are you implying that they didn’t look well beforehand

Not so easy is it, what ever you do/say could possibly be interpreted badly

Just say thanks if someone mentions it

Often people DO know me. I don’t necessarily go around telling people, whether strangers or familiars, that I have alopecia. So I’ve had compliments from friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Also had compliments from people who have known me in varying stages of alopecia and say things like “oh, your hair looks so much better now” (apparently thinking it has somehow miraculously regrown).

Not sure what you mean by I don’t understand the difference between a compliment between a compliment about someone’s handbag, shoes or dress and one about their appearance. I do understand that they are different - I just don’t agree with you that compliments should only ever be confined to those.

If anything, when I was younger I used to wonder why some people only ever said my shoes or bag was nice but didn’t say I looked nice, esp for events where I’d really made an effort or had a significant change to my appearance. I used to think it meant they thought I was a munter and were struggling for a meaningful compliment and so landed on an innanity about my shoes or some such.

Which just goes back to my point that you can’t please everyone because people are different. I am trying to lose weight at the moment and absolutely want to hear compliments about it - other posters have said likewise. It’s fine that some people may not like this but since no one can psychically intuit who doesn’t and doesn’t like compliments about weight loss, hair, etc, I think it’s best just to say thanks and have a strategy for moving conversation on if you don’t like it. That’s what I try to do.

Well I've lost weight in the past and bloody love it when people notice and comment!

I've lost 5 stone over the past year and it annoys me no end that people feel they have the right to comment. It's so personal so I understand where OP is coming from. A lot of overweight people , me included, have real issues mentally with weight gain and loss so I do wish people would keep their comments to themselves no matter how well intentioned.

Well you can if you like. I wouldn't randomly comment on a woman's hair if I didn't know her. I might though compliment on her shoes, handbag, dress. Those things are not personal about her body.

But if you don't understand the difference then best not. Or, just do what you like regardless.

I’m dieting at the moment and if there are no comments or compliments once I drop a whole Posh Spice in weight, there will be 🔫 at dawn. 😀

In that case, we’d better all stop paying each other compliments about anything relating to personal appearance.

People often compliment my hair. I COULD tell them I’ve had alopecia since I was a teenager and I’m actually wearing a £££ wig and I find it very triggering to talk about hair and how dare they assess and comment on anyone’s hair when they don’t know who actually has hair and who doesn’t and so on ad infinitum.

Usually I just say thanks and move on.

Same here - 5 stone down and gone from a big size 16 to a comfortable 12 and not a single person has mentioned it! I’d feel slightly uncomfortable because I don’t like drawing attention to myself but I’d quite like someone to notice (even though I’m a terrible, lazy cheat and used WLI!).

That is exactly what some men would say. "Listen woman, it doesn't matter what you think, thank me for observing and assessing your body". Ugh.

Sorry but you don't get to decide how other people interpret your 'compliments'.

People are just being kind. It’s a good thing. Just say thanks and stop being churlish.

I'd just say, oh thanks, a few people have mentioned that. Then change the subject

I have lost almost 10 stone and have gone from a size 22 to an 8, so it's pretty much impossible to disguise. I hate "being perceived" in any way so I find the attention really uncomfortable. I usually just thank them and change the subject.

Although, I do appreciate how many people have (tentatively) checked that my weight loss has been deliberate before complimenting me. And more people are telling me that I look well or really happy, rather than making it about thinness.

Apart from a Nigerian colleague, who told me she was glad I'd lost weight because she thought I'd "given up on life". That would have been wildly offensive from anyone else but her sincere concern made it charming 😂

Your point about WLI is a good one. People will now assume that any weightloss at all is attributable to WL injections. It's unfair as many people don't and wouldn't use them.

Yet another reason why people should put the brakes on when commenting on somebody's (especially a woman's) body. A woman's weight is nobody else's business so no need to comment at all.

I compliment women all the time - bags, dresses, scarves, shoes... not in a million years would I mention their bodies.

Can't relate. I've lost nearly 3 stone and nobody has bloody noticed! Or if they have they haven't bloody mentioned it!

Well since OP isn't happy about it there are plenty of threads to choose from where posters are disappointed that they haven't been 'complimented' on it and would like to be.

I don't like it either, OP. Weightloss really shows on me obviously and it's the least interesting thing about me. I don't invite comments and have taken to changing the subject. I find it rude and intrusive. People who know me well don't do it and people who don't, have no business making personal comments.

Sympathies.

How about "Thank you"?

Most people aren't that bothered, it's just something to say. It is obviously a compliment so just thank them and talk about something else.

Smile and say thanks but I don't like talking about my weight. Most people would respect that 😊