Photo on sideboard

So, because his kids don't speak to him, the OP has to pretend hers don't exist? Sorry, no. That's not remotely reasonable. They're her children and she can put up as many photos of them as she wants. If he wants to display photos of his own kids, he can do that if he wants to.

Also, it's not a 'blended home' - these aren't young kids who are all living there or coming for access visits. They're adults who have left home.

Hardly the same thing. A graduation is a celebration of an actual achievement that someone worked for. A second wedding, for obvious reasons, replaces the previous one. That isn't the case with a second degree. The first degree doesn't become invalid when you get another one, you know.

And no, it is not 'excessive' to have three photos OF YOUR OWN BLOODY CHILD on display in your home. Don't be ridiculous.

What a nasty, mean and pathetic comment from a grown man.

This. You are a mature woman if you have adult children.Why are you bothering to be in a relationship where you ' put up with a lot'. Get rid.

The photos remind him of her being not his daughter, the house being not his house, the lady, which is the owner of the house, not marrying him, hence this silly word 'partner'. Run away from this idiot - the comment is beyond the pale and be happy he showed his colours clearly!

OK well, as a stepmum, I've got a different view on this.

I think photos are quite political in a blended home.

Us women generally decorate the house. So if I put up ANY photos of my DC, I put up the same of HIS DC. I wouldn't put up graduation photos of one and not the other because it would make my SDC feel inadequate when they visited.

So actually, I think YABU and this is a sensitive issue that he is raising (albeit poorly).

As so often happens - the first comment nails it.

He sounds like a bit of a prick in my opinion. If you had bought a house together and only put those photos up then yes he may have a point but in your home? Nah.

Why not?

He sounds like a jealous little boy. Are you sure you want a relationship with a toddler? 🤮

Thar is, in no way, an excuse for his comment.

I think there are people who have huge regret about the way in which their education has gone.

Parents or teachers may not have encouraged them. There can be precious to start earning money quickly without the issue of having to repay a loan over many issues. Not everyone is in a position where they can help children out with rent.

They might also feel regret or ambivalence about what their own children are doing. Out of work? Stuck in low paid jobs? Or flourishing financially, but not necessarily getting the respect that might be accorded to those in more traditional graduate jobs?

There will also be children who have done well academically, but whose parents don't have the photos on display. I am one of three siblings and we all went to university. My partner and I have three children and again they all went to university. But there aren't any pictures displayed in either home. My parents were proud of what we achieved and I am proud of what my own children achieved. It's just not something where there's a daily reminder or something put where visitors will see them. (I've got some daft informal snaps of when the children were a lot younger instead, which make me smile.)

It is not a kind thing to have said. But I think a lot would depend on what was behind the remark. Because if somebody then said, 'The photos sometimes make me feel sad, because you've been a great parent to your children. And I feel I've let my own kids down,' that could open things up.....

Well if my partner hated my daughter it would be him I'd get rid of not her photos.

What nonsense. A second or third marriage would mean the previous marriage had ended. All three degrees are still relevant and something to be proud of.

Is he wanting a photo of you both, or of his side of the family on the sideboard but there's no space? I would find that reasonable, although a rude way to phrase it.

Are the photos faded / in really ugly frames? If yes, would changing that help?

Repeated post

You must surely remember the context OP. A comment that has hurt you enough to post on MN is not something that you'd forget the forerunner to, surely? It's important, because if his remark followed you complaining about him displaying a photo of his child, for example, it's different from if he said it out of the blue.

Totally different and not comparable@TennesseeStella ! I have three degrees and my parents always had my three graduation photos up. It’s an achievement, unlike two failed marriages and then a third go.

OP, your partner resents your child. LTB.

Whose house is it?
Do you live together?
Does he have photos of his family up?

But he does sound like an arsehole

@Darknessorlighy Of course YANBU. No normal person "puts up" with photo's of family. He sounds like a complete arse. He's clearly jealous of the close relationship you have with your daughters and the photo's are a constant reminder of his lack of a meaningful relationship with his own children - and I'd tell him this if he ever commented on the photo's again.

OP, you have a DP problem.

If something feels like a slap in the face then it’s very similar to an actual, physical slap in the face, and you shouldn’t be putting up with that!

Bullying and abuse are two sides of the same coin, whether emotional or physical…

Do you live together? Whose house is it? Not saying anything justifies him being a dick, but if you don’t live together and it’s your house it’s obviously a lot easier to just get rid of him. Why do you put up with him?

Why do you choose to put up with a lot OP?

Grown up, successful children, your own house... I cannot imagine feeling anything but peace in your shoes. Therefore, what does this jealous drama lama add to your life?

Exactly!

He sounds awful OP.

A man who has a shit relationship and drama with his kids would be a huge red flag even without his comment.

I bet he’s said and done other snidey things hasn’t he?