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AIBU?

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Original poster

Photo on sideboard

163 replies

Darknessorlighy · 14/04/2025 20:57

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 16/04/2025 18:23

FatCatSkinnyRat · 15/04/2025 06:55

If you're putting up with a lot, after a while that's on you.

Get rid.

This one million per cent, I put up with a lot, why do you do that? Is him not saying nasty things your reward for putting up with a lot? You can have a life where a partner does not say nasty things and you don't have to put up with anything. But did he say this absolutely apropos of nothing?

HoppingPavlova · 16/04/2025 05:26

@Riverswims I wouldn’t need 3 different graduation photos of any one adult child on display

Well, nobody NEEDS any photos on display, graduation or otherwise. However, the OP, and many other people, may WANT such photos on display. I think we are all struggling to see how that is deemed inappropriate?

It seems there is photo of child A graduating from their degree 1; a photo of child A graduating from their degree 2; a photo of child B graduating from their degree 1.

There are not 10 odd photos of one child graduating from the same degree, which may seem a bit over the top if sharing a house.

I’d take this as a red flag personally, and invite the other person to also put up photos of themselves/their children accomplishing significant milestones, or to shut up. Or, preferably just leave as something doesn’t seem right.

OldCottageGreenhouse · 15/04/2025 18:55

This is the sign the universe is sending you to RUN! (Metaphorically speaking if it’s your house, of course. In which case kick him out). If your daughter was a young child and he had that attitude towards her, would you stay with him?

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/04/2025 17:26

Riverswims · 15/04/2025 17:07

I wouldn’t need 3 different graduation photos of any one adult child on display 🤷🏽‍♀️

3 different graduations 3 different photos, there's nothing wrong with that even if they were all for the same child, which these weren't.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 17:12

Riverswims · 15/04/2025 17:07

I wouldn’t need 3 different graduation photos of any one adult child on display 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's two for one child (who did 2 degrees so 2 graduation ceremonies) and one for her other child.

Riverswims · 15/04/2025 17:07

I wouldn’t need 3 different graduation photos of any one adult child on display 🤷🏽‍♀️

mumda · 15/04/2025 15:50

It's time to live your life without him.

rwalker · 15/04/2025 15:39

I can relate
I put up with pictures my wife puts up not because it’s her family I don’t like pictures I don’t have any of my own family up
so the term put up with is I know it’s not all about my preferences if it was my choice (which it isn’t) I’d sooner not have them so I put up with them

LogicVoid · 15/04/2025 15:32

How long have you been together? Who owns the home; you, him or joint..?

Lorlorlorikeet · 15/04/2025 15:31

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 06:52

I can’t remember the context tbh sometimes he says things I think what in earth . I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face .

Show quote history

Ok…

Is he abusive? Does he work and contribute fairly to the house? Do you feel you walk on eggshells around him? How is he with your daughters?

Hastentoadd · 15/04/2025 15:16

Darknessorlighy · 14/04/2025 20:57

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

He sounds jealous of her achievements

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 15/04/2025 15:11

MaggieBsBoat · 14/04/2025 22:17

Three graduations is an amazing achievement. Three weddings is two mistakes followed by a triumph of hope over experience. They are not at all the same!

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Or two tragically early deaths and one mistake you don’t know how to escape…

B1anche · 15/04/2025 14:51

Hwi · 15/04/2025 14:03

I would have thought it was obvious? I, for example, would not put photos of my dc on sideboards in somebody else's house. I display them only on my sideboards, in my house. Is it not the norm?

Show quote history

You may also display photos in a house that is jointly owned or rented.

I've actually forgotten what point I was trying to make 🤣, but if I remember I'll come back to it!

B1anche · 15/04/2025 14:50

Edited as I forgot to quote.

Hwi · 15/04/2025 14:03

B1anche · 15/04/2025 13:36

Can you point me to where the OP has confirmed it's not his house? Because I've asked a couple of times and I thought she'd ignored me.

Show quote history

I would have thought it was obvious? I, for example, would not put photos of my dc on sideboards in somebody else's house. I display them only on my sideboards, in my house. Is it not the norm?

B1anche · 15/04/2025 13:36

Hwi · 15/04/2025 09:49

The photos remind him of her being not his daughter, the house being not his house, the lady, which is the owner of the house, not marrying him, hence this silly word 'partner'. Run away from this idiot - the comment is beyond the pale and be happy he showed his colours clearly!

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Can you point me to where the OP has confirmed it's not his house? Because I've asked a couple of times and I thought she'd ignored me.

StRaf · 15/04/2025 13:04

Be like the other people in his life who should be precious to him - and cut him out.

Is he a drinker by any chance - or just genetically disruptive.

Cucy · 15/04/2025 12:14

FatCatSkinnyRat · 15/04/2025 06:55

If you're putting up with a lot, after a while that's on you.

Get rid.

Absolutely this!!

You’ve barely posted and it’s obvious to anyone reading that the relationship doesn’t work.

I dread to think what you put up with.

CatsChin · 15/04/2025 11:38

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 11:25

So because OP's partner has a strained and distant relationship with his children, OP shouldn't be able to put up graduation photos of her own two daughters? What if his relationship with his kids was fine but his kids hadn't been to university, would it still be wrong for OP to display the photos?

My opinion is that she should get rid of her partner and be able to display whatever photos she wants in her own home without someone making mean comments about her children.

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It isn't 'wrong'. But I think it is a bit insensitive. As I say, it's a difficult area.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 11:25

CatsChin · 15/04/2025 09:32

OK well, as a stepmum, I've got a different view on this.

I think photos are quite political in a blended home.

Us women generally decorate the house. So if I put up ANY photos of my DC, I put up the same of HIS DC. I wouldn't put up graduation photos of one and not the other because it would make my SDC feel inadequate when they visited.

So actually, I think YABU and this is a sensitive issue that he is raising (albeit poorly).

Show quote history

So because OP's partner has a strained and distant relationship with his children, OP shouldn't be able to put up graduation photos of her own two daughters? What if his relationship with his kids was fine but his kids hadn't been to university, would it still be wrong for OP to display the photos?

My opinion is that she should get rid of her partner and be able to display whatever photos she wants in her own home without someone making mean comments about her children.

80smonster · 15/04/2025 11:11

Tell DH he controls those rolling things in his head, called eyeballs, so he’s always got the option to avert his gaze.

cinnamongirl123 · 15/04/2025 10:47

Are the photos faded / in really ugly frames? If yes, would changing that help?

Mumsnet floors me sometimes - the lengths some women will go through to try to justify utterly indefensible behaviour from men 😫

MolluscMonday · 15/04/2025 10:42

How many photos of his family are up around the place?

We’re a blended family and I have made sure both sides are represented by photos. It’s both of your homes, after all.

cinnamongirl123 · 15/04/2025 10:41

Honestly if a partner showed such contempt for my DC, either he or I would be out the door (depending whose home we’re in)

StRaf · 15/04/2025 10:37

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 06:52

I can’t remember the context tbh sometimes he says things I think what in earth . I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face .

Show quote history

I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face.

Looks like you are now coming in for the bad treatment his suffer which is why there is drama and low contact.

I would read that he is a nasty contemptous cock-lodging man.

What do your friends and family think of him? What does he think of them?