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Original poster

To be in Limerence in my early 40s

142 replies

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:41

Limerence
aka an infatuation or really intense crush

I’ve never felt anything like it and I’m
constantly looking for signs he likes me back and waiting for communication from him.
friends and colleagues tell me he likes me too
I’m not so sure

I know I need to get over this but it’s all consuming
has anyone else had this?
no spiteful comments please

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 14/04/2025 21:18

I think this is the nail in the coffin - "I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends". That would have told me all I needed to know, but you seem to think differently?

I think you should find something or someone else to occupy your time - he's been clear and while actions speak louder than words, if he is acting at a variance to his words then you could be going down a dodgy path to take it as a crumb of comfort or a hopeful wish of a future that isn't promised.

There are other people out there OP - try and turn your focus to people outside of work?

PassingStranger · 14/04/2025 21:17

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 21:12

Yes but being in love can be obsessional and painful, so can a crush sometimes. I just don't see why we need a new word for experiences that people have been having since humans existed.

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Have you read up on it?

Felinnefine · 14/04/2025 21:17

‘But here’s the thing
a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends’

So that’s your answer, he’s told you he doesn’t want anything other than friendship. Best you just remember this anytime you think otherwise. Hard as it is to face.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:16

Laiste · 14/04/2025 21:15

a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends

What did you suggest? How long ago was this?

and

i think honestly most men (especially after being given a green light, ie you 'suggesting something') will persue a woman they want. In other words i think he's told you how he feels but you're not listening. Sorry Flowers

I agree darling
that’s why I need to get over it

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 21:15

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 20:58

Not sure if "limerance" isn't just a fancy word for normal human experiences like falling in love, fancying someone, having a crush, being a bit obsessed with someone, etc.

If neither of you are married, then I say go for it and enjoy!

I wish that word could get permanently buried. I’d never heard it before MN and it’s just one of those ‘yuck’ words.

It’s a crush you have. It’s nice to have a crush sometimes - proves you're alive.

Laiste · 14/04/2025 21:15

a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends

What did you suggest? How long ago was this?

and

i think honestly most men (especially after being given a green light, ie you 'suggesting something') will persue a woman they want. In other words i think he's told you how he feels but you're not listening. Sorry Flowers

Conqueeftador · 14/04/2025 21:14

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/04/2025 21:12

He has said he wants to be friends. Seems he likes the attention though and that’s why you are getting mixed singles .

Don’t let him Play you for his ego.

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This op. He likes the attention, but doesn’t like you in the way you like him. I’m sorry, some men are just selfish shits.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:14

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/04/2025 21:12

He has said he wants to be friends. Seems he likes the attention though and that’s why you are getting mixed singles .

Don’t let him Play you for his ego.

Show quote history

He did yes

then still follows me around
stares at me

i feel silly writing it to be honest!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:12

PollyCreo · 14/04/2025 21:10

If he's single, just go for it. Go for a drink after work and shag him

I’ve been to his place several times
nothing has happened

its actually really immature at my ripe old age
in halfway to 90 in august

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 14/04/2025 21:12

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:09

I don’t know if he likes me like that.

Show quote history

He has said he wants to be friends. Seems he likes the attention though and that’s why you are getting mixed singles .

Don’t let him Play you for his ego.

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 21:12

PassingStranger · 14/04/2025 21:02

Limerance is a real.thing and very painful
More than.just a crush it's obsessive thinking.

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Yes but being in love can be obsessional and painful, so can a crush sometimes. I just don't see why we need a new word for experiences that people have been having since humans existed.

MummytoE · 14/04/2025 21:12

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:09

I don’t know if he likes me like that.

Show quote history

You will never know if you don't ask.

PollyCreo · 14/04/2025 21:10

If he's single, just go for it. Go for a drink after work and shag him

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:09

MummytoE · 14/04/2025 21:03

Is their a reason you don't want to or can't pursue it? You are both single, he likes you, you like him... Go for it!!

I don’t know if he likes me like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:08

PenelopeSkye · 14/04/2025 21:07

Why do you think it’s limerance? It sounds more like you are having a very normal experience- an intense attraction to someone is normal! Completely understandable to think about them a lot, fantasise about them, look for signs they like you too. Maybe you just haven’t experienced these emotions for a while and it’s taken you by surprise? Remember being a teenager?! If you’re both single then is it worth letting them know? I would try and enjoy it!!

I don’t know

i couldn’t stand the rejection to be honest!

OP posts:
PenelopeSkye · 14/04/2025 21:07

Why do you think it’s limerance? It sounds more like you are having a very normal experience- an intense attraction to someone is normal! Completely understandable to think about them a lot, fantasise about them, look for signs they like you too. Maybe you just haven’t experienced these emotions for a while and it’s taken you by surprise? Remember being a teenager?! If you’re both single then is it worth letting them know? I would try and enjoy it!!

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:07

AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:06

Might turn into that though

😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:06

Chocoholicnightmare · 14/04/2025 21:04

Perhaps it's been a while since you've felt attracted to someone and it's all a bit overwhelming (but how exciting for you!). I'd suggest you try and become friends with this person, as in smile/make conversation (and don't be weird). It will kill a bit of the mystery and hopefully bring you down to earth a bit. There's a high chance they like you too, and if so, there's no big rush. Get to know them (how exciting!)

I am friends with this person

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:06

Might turn into that though

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:06

AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:00

Isn’t liberance really just self enforced obsession/ obsessive stalking behaviour?

Oh god I’ve not stalked the man

OP posts:
boobsiedaisy · 14/04/2025 21:05

I have been there, way too long. Give your limerence as little time as possible.

Get your mind busy, set yourself a challenge, start a degree, a hobby, a project, go out a lot, meet people, reconnect with the present, grow your world and your experiences so it's not only focussed on the object of your limerence, but bigger and centred around you again.

TeaRoseTallulah · 14/04/2025 21:04

AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:00

Isn’t liberance really just self enforced obsession/ obsessive stalking behaviour?

Yes,I think so.

Chocoholicnightmare · 14/04/2025 21:04

Perhaps it's been a while since you've felt attracted to someone and it's all a bit overwhelming (but how exciting for you!). I'd suggest you try and become friends with this person, as in smile/make conversation (and don't be weird). It will kill a bit of the mystery and hopefully bring you down to earth a bit. There's a high chance they like you too, and if so, there's no big rush. Get to know them (how exciting!)

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:03

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 20:58

Not sure if "limerance" isn't just a fancy word for normal human experiences like falling in love, fancying someone, having a crush, being a bit obsessed with someone, etc.

If neither of you are married, then I say go for it and enjoy!

But here’s the thing
a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends

but he doesn’t act as if he does
others have picked up on it and say he ‘fancies’ me
in not so sure

it’s all a bit silly and childish.

OP posts:
MummytoE · 14/04/2025 21:03

Is their a reason you don't want to or can't pursue it? You are both single, he likes you, you like him... Go for it!!