I hate having two kids

Your local supermarket does a good range in durex.

Yeah I suppose that's the choice of waiting till u are much older to have the first.

Not everyone can wait 7 years even if they wanted to. I would’ve been well into my 40’s if I waited that long.

Definitely pros and cons to both.

Fighting over “imaginary cake”, OMG, I’m crying here! Hilarious!

That's exactly my opinion too, although for me I don't want to go through it all over again now my DD is 5, at school and much more independent. So she'll be my only.
If I was going to have two, I'd have had them close together to get it all over. I didn't enjoy the baby stage. Unfortunately I wasn't in the right mental state to do it at the time.

That's your choice. One of my DDs has a 7.5 year gap between her 2 ( intentionally in)

She says she doesn't understand why people would have kids so close together rather than preventing fighting between them, having to pay full time childcare for 2 at same time, letting body have a decent time to recover from pregnancy, and having time to enjoy a young one full without being so shattered looking after 2 little ones or more.

Oh you're back again. What was your comment that got deleted, the one where you mixed me up with another poster. I'm still waiting for you to quote me with your accusation. You were asked hours ago to quote it. I'll wait...

That’s what we all think, but honestly when they got to 16 I rather missed the days when the arguments and complaints were about wanting to wear Thomas the Tank Engine pants and them all being in the wash!

And when they both turned 18 it was like male gorillas 🦍 trying to assert their superiority over their dad. It passed and they’re (mostly) lovely now.

I wouldn't have had another child if I was already out of the baby stage, I had mine close together (and then #2 became #2 and #3) to get the baby stage over with at once.

DS was 16 months when twin DD's were born. DD's will be 1 at the end of next week and so far, so good.

You were rude on page 2, and have carried on through the thread. No one thinks only children don't socialise. However you can't change that a sibling means that there is always someone to socialise with at home. You were rude about parents of more than one child, made assumptions with no basis and don't like being called out on it.

It gets easier from about now honestly. Once the 4 year old starts school, it'll be easier. I have the same age gap and have been a single mum since youngest was 10 months old. No family near by and their dad moved back to his hometown 3 hours away! I survived it, you will too, the end is in sight!

Two boys now in their 20s. Similar age gap. I also found it extremely difficult at those ages until the older one went to school then it started to get easier. I also used to wish they were teenagers so I could get a break but then they became teenagers and I cried my eyes out regularly when they didn’t want to hang out with us as much, and wished they were little boys again. The teenage years were the toughest in my experience especially 14/15 to 17/18. Then I was counting the days until they went off to uni. And then when the first one did I cried my eyes out again for a couple of weeks. It’s tough what you’re going through but I’d give anything to be back there at times. They’ve both turned into lovely young men now btw but I still get mum guilt. Keep the faith and sending hugs.

What you might consider "poor family planning" is what others might see as 'ideal family planning'! You have no idea of the reasons behind each family's decisions!

It took 3 and a half years and interventions (not IVF) for me to conceive. If I could have come out of hospital pregnant again with DC2, I would have! I was afraid of having issues again so got pregnant again when DC1 was 13 months hence a 22 month gap. I loved having two littlies close in age and even now as adults, they really are each other's best friend. Age was not on my side so we decided to ttc again when younger one 2, but due to two miscarriages, there was then a 4.5 year gap to DC3.

If you plan to have more than two children, a five year gap is too long!

My eldest has always mothered the other two as well and as an adult, still does. Just her nature!

Bit of a judgemental comment. I don't think there was any poor planning by OP. There are positives and negatives for both choices. If I had waited >5 years, we would never have been able to conceive. It took us well over a year after beginning trying after our first and we started trying less than a year after she arrived. Fertility can change a lot over just a few years.

I had a 6 year gap between me and my closest-in-age brother and I really resented having to spend all my time doing baby stuff and that feeling lasted through all my childhood. We were completely different developmental stages and could never see the same films/do the same activities.

That's just my experience though. Some elder siblings love having a little one looking up to them/to help look after. All families are different and parenting very young children is a really hard stage to get through, particularly for people low on family support.

Exactly why people should wait until the age gap is 5 or more years apart. That’s your poor family planning if you had them so close together.

I relate to so much of what you’re saying - I have a just turned four-year-old and a 21month old and it is hard! I recognise your feelings just through what you’re writing - the hard days are awful and come with so many emotions, it’s natural to think ‘what if’. Doesn’t mean we’d change having our littler ones though, just that we’re in a rough moment.

I’m holding on for when they’re 3 and 5, really hopeful it’ll all start to get easier from there on out - and before long, the benefits of having two will really start to show.

That’s tough to say you hate them together 😩

Hi op,

No you shouldn’t feel like that. It isn’t a critic. It is a ringtone…something is off, you have too much in your plate and no way to relax.

Well…that won’t work. Neither for you. Neither for the kids. Neither for hubby who will not escape the crash coming.

you need a DAY off! Or a morning. Have your hubby have both kids (if you can, he can) and rest. Even just 10min knowing you don’t have to get up are salvation…tell your hubby you need a Saturday morning. Exchange the Sunday for him. Organise time off with each other…no more each have one. He needs to pull his weight in.

Good luck 🌺

It’s really hard. Definitely get used to you and H taking both kids so you each get a break. And honestly try to bring all the cheesy, happy, children’s TV presenter energy singing kids songs etc and being playful, using humour etc. They will feed off it and be more positive themselves. Fake it till you make it.

Changing your negative might help.

My eldest has always been a little mother to youngest. She's a helicopter sister now

Perfect. I had morning routine then school run then time with baby on mat leave then doing baby massage etc I wasn't stressed as got me and baby time etc then a walk tk school with the pram natter to parents then chat with dd and cook tea so worked well. It's less lonely and isolating as you have someone who can talk etc and a school routine. Main advise don't bring the eldest to collect u and baby from hospital that did not work as well as I'd have liked as she wanted to carry car seat and I was emotional after birth etc. Get a cleaner in before you come home from having baby and send your washing home before u acc go home x

Well mine are in their 20s and until very recently were all living at home for various reasons - one's now moved out.

Boy can they squabble!

I have only 1 AC, but the exH remarried and had 2 DC. They and my DC all love each other and see each other regularly. It's marvellous to hear them chatting and laughing. They even look alike.