I hate having two kids

You’re being ridiculous, a babysitter is someone who takes on childcare responsibilities on an ad hoc basis. If you wanted to find one it would be incredibly easy with a quick search in your area.
“I wouldn’t know how to find that” is such a cop out in 2025.
You’re posting on mumsnet, I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of downloading a babysitting app.

It will get easier I promise. My older two are 2 years apart and it’s tough to begin with but it’s ace now (they are 8 and 10). Yes they fight and argue but they are best mates. I have a 3rd, now that I do not recommend. I love him to death but jeez 3 is hard especially with an age gap as I’m going through all the tough times again and often on my own as older two have lots of sports etc to get to. It’s tough now as they both need you so much but honestly in a few years when they 8/10 you will be lying on a sunbed whilst they entertain each other in the pool. I’m currently on holiday and exhausted with our youngest

@mainecooncatonahottinroof there are agencies. Plenty of them, at least in London.

I would have no idea where to find a day babysitter nor do I know anyone else who had one!

Babysitters are often older schoolchildren, students, childcare workers etc who are busy during the day?

@PyongyangKipperbang i very clearly posted in support of the OP earlier. She is clearly struggling and I think anyone would. Parenting is not all about magical moments, toddlers and babies are hard work and she's allowed to not like certain stages. I personally hated the newborn stage, it was the hardest couple of months of my life.

And as to my post above, it was in reply to someone saying babysitters are only available for evenings. That's not true. You can hire a babysitter for any time of day and it is a legitimate choice. And if you can afford a babysitter for date night, why not hire them to come in the day instead?

I had DS, 6 yr gap, DD, 5year gap, DD, 3 year gap, DD, 1 year gap (barely...that was an "oops") DS, 7 year gap, DD.

DS1 was 21 when DD4 was born.

Do I win?

Out of all of them, the two that get on least best are the two with a one year gap. They adored each other until about 6 and 7 ish. Been at best an armed truce since, with the occasional outbreak of war. Since they both hit their 20's they have got on better but I suspect thats because they live 400 miles apart.

It was the bit that stood out yes.

Because you picked at that ONE bit of the post. Convenient that

As I stated also I am probably one of the people that actually do understand the difference as lived both age gaps.

And how much did that cost?

Everything is easier when you can throw money at it. Newborn sleeplessness is a breeze if you can afford a maternity nurse. Housework is a breeze if you can afford a cleaner and so on....

And lets flag down a cab and head to Real Street shall we? How many people can realistically afford to have a Mothers help (as they used to be known) during ML? Not the vast majority. Most are ekeing out their SMP and savings to have as long with their baby as possible before spunking thousands on childcare and going back to work.

Your privilege is showing.

What are you FFSing for?

Posters were just expressing an opinion, same as you.

Oh FFS . It was a throwaway comment In reality she probably doesn't give a shit.

Why is it any different to all these people on this thread saying " oh I couldn't have a big gap like that"

She doesn't have to understand, same as nobody has to understand her choice, just accept that everyone is different!

She probably doesnt understand in the same way people don't understand why she would have a bigger gap...

In reality I've done both. 3 years gap between first 2 then 9.5 years to number 3. So I've lived both sides of it

If I had to do it alla gain id definitely go for the bigger age gaps. So much easier

@Housebuyingfamily babysitters come whenever you tell them to. I hired a domestic helper to come 12-6pm 2 days a week when I was on mat leave, from when my baby was 4 months old. She did dishes, opped the floors, watched my baby while I napped. DH would leave work early on a Friday so we had a date night every week in that time too.

You can get a babysitter for any time of day you want.

To the people saying “get a babysitter” - they don’t come during the day when you really need a break, they come at night when you’re knackered and don’t want to go out, they don’t usually put the kids to bed which is one of the worst bits and eats into your night. That’s before you mention the cost

Well seeing as both my DDs grew up with a sibling 3 years older/younger than themselves and BOTH chose to have larger age gaps ( DD1 has 13 years between child 1 and 2) then it seems they didn't feel having a close in age sibling was a positive thing. Both have said they couldn't deal with the nonstop arguing and fighting.

I have a 3rd child (. 12 and 9 years younger than first 2,) Both have a better relationship with the youngest than each other..

Do they also do time machines?

I suffered from infertility for 3.5 years. It wasn't a "choice".

I'd have hated that long a gap. It would be like starting all over again. Two children that far apart aren't likely to have a lot in common so unlikely to have a close relationship. Having said that my eldest is 6.5 years older than my youngest but it's balanced by having another in the middle.

I don't know what she "doesn't understand" though. Some people feel differently to her, and some of us didn't have the luxury of time!

I dont recall them falling out about imaginary cake, that is so funny, but I can well remember similar things that mine did. I can see it now "Lets have this cake, I am having the biggest piece" "But I want the biggest piece" "You cant as I am having it...." ten minutes later full on screaming snotty tears and you are thinking "WTF?!! Why am I mediating over a piece of cake that doesnt fucking exist?!" I am only amazed that any parents make it out of the toddler years without a drink problem!

3 & 1 and 4&2 were my hardest ages, or the most work at least. Once the eldest was in school it got a bit easier, then when the youngest went I started feeling like myself again. Now they are 9 & 7 they are literally best buddies. They play together, they like the same things, they do squabble but mostly sort it out between themselves, they have a constant companion and are a bit lost without each other. I'm an only child and I had a lonely, lonely childhood. There's no way to sugar coat it, it's just a fact that as an only you often spend a lot of time either alone or tagging along to adult activities. I'm so glad my boys will always have each other, even after we're gone.

Oh the flip side I couldn’t imagine anything worse than choosing a 7.5 year age gap. Sleepless newborn nights years and years after the first set, children’s needs so far apart for their entire childhood as what suits an 8 year one won’t suit a 1 year old and then what suits an 8 year old won’t suit a 15 year old!
Mine are 2 years apart and after an intense first year it’s now bewnfitical for them to be so close. They can do the same activities, they eat the same food, they’re on the same schedule and they don’t have vastly different needs.

Did you have a little giggle and feel all clever and superior when you posted that?

Well done you. 🙄

I know. It just goes to show siblings can always find something to disagree on 😂