I hate having two kids

They argue for your attention.

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I sometimes think I must be an anomoly as I have two boys and they have never fallen out. From baby, toddler, teens, adult. I’ve been very thankful for that. I, on the other hand fell out with my own siblings on an almost daily basis.

You are at the worst stage of it, terrible twos and another child that is still too young to make things easier. It does get better. My first two are 20 months apart and we waited AGES to have a third because the first two were so difficult....but once they got older and easier we went for a dog and a third child :) It got so much easier from ages 6 and 8. Now they are 11 and 13 and youngest 5. Things are so much better, I sometimes think of a 4th and wish I could, but just feel too old at 42.

My partner takes ours out for a drive at the weekend and lets me have an hour to nap etc (I’m pregnant). He also would have them at home or take them out for a morning if needed but just a suggestion that’s an easy way to have both and give you just a little rest! They normally sleep in the car, oldest won’t nap at home, and it breaks up the day so well!

Ah op. You have my sympathy. Mine are 2 years apart and I swear that was THE WORST ages that yours are now.
They bickering, they're irrational, they're hard work and attention seeking, you get absolutely no break, it's bloody shit!

Once the youngest starts to get a little bit more independent it might feel a bit easier, but I'd encourage you to start alternating some solo parenting with DH. It's the only way you'll get a regular break without having to find and fork out for babysitters. Alternate doing solo bedtimes so each of you gets a night off - fuck off out and meet a friend, or just go for a long drive or sit in a pub. Weekends do the same - allocate at LEAST a couple of hours where one of you takes both of them, the other has time to themselves. Do a full day every now and again.
Honestly me and DH used to take one each the same as you and it meant no break ever. it's SO much better now that we alternate doing both of them.
My DH works away a lot too so I enforce him taking them out when I need a break and just want to be at home.
Anyway rant away and ignore odd comments. You'll find some people on Mumsnet love taking down struggling mums who dare complain.

I love having two. No it’s not easy when they’re young, it’s very challenging, I spent many evenings crying on the stairs as I was doing it all alone.

I did consider having just the one but so glad I opted for two. They have never fallen out and get on really well. They’re grown up now and I’m so proud of them. I love them both very much.

The younger days are a memory now, I don’t know how I got through it but I did, one day at a time.

I think it be better when they older. They difficult ages. It is not easy.

Well, that's a shitty response to someone similarly struggling! 🤦🏼‍♀️

He needs to take BOTH so you get a proper break and he learns to facilitate their relationship.

Hi OP.

I do understand you. I have been there. But I had 3 instead of 2. And didn't like the early years either one bit.

I think it goes with the personality. I have friends who really miss that stage, the toddler years uggh. I don't. I was chaos.

But do you know what the good news is? Mine are teenagers now and I love this stage. We do hang around together. I love to hear about their interests. Love to see how they are developing into adults, and it is now that i dont want them to grow so fast! I love going all on holiday, watching films together. Having one to one time. Bring them to cafés and restaurants. We are quite a sporty family, we all enjoy that too. With older kids you have actual conversations and even when they have their days, it's a great stage :)

So what I'm trying to say is...hang on in there. This stage will pass. I felt very guilty at the time feeling what you are feeling. You aren't alone. I'm sure you will enjoy them when they grow a bit more xx

Edit to add mine had a small gap too and we had no family help either. It's very stressful, but it will pass.

So which one are you going to give away to the children's home then?

Have you broken the news to them yet?

Focus on one issue at a time. Sit down with your husband and decide how you will address a certain issue (e.g. squabbling) and do it consistently until it's improved. Then move onto another issue. Don't try and deal with everything at once or you'll become overwhelmed.

Discipline unacceptable behaviour immediately and consistently, even when you don't feel like it. Long term your life will be easier for addressing undesirable behaviour. Enact a system for rewards and discipline that will help your children be mindful about their behaviour and stick to it.

Focus on the "heart issue" not just how it manifests and talk about this regularly. E.g. if they constantly nag you to buy them things, talk to them about gratitude and make it clear before entering a shop that you are only going to buy X and there will be no impulse purchases.

I don't think it's always helpful to just tell yourself "it's just a phase". It makes you helpless and powerless to enact change. Some things are phases, other things are habits that you can work on from an early age.

I feel ya - mine are 3 and 18 months and I love them to the end of the earth but I’ve found going from 1-2 far far harder than 0-1. They’re both not good sleepers - baby has woken up every 45 minutes for the last 2 weeks, 3YO still wakes once (which isn’t too bad in fairness but in conjunction with the baby), and now they bicker as well.

Those ages are tricky. On the whole mine are friends more often than not but to be honest they always have been. When they don’t get on though, the bickering can be infuriating. I still recall the fun day mine decided to have a fight over who got the biggest bit of imaginary cake. It’s actually fairly funny looking back but at the time it was a bit of a FML moment and I just wanted to scream. As they get bigger I think it is easier to deal with bickering as you can leave them to figure things out between themselves more. In the meantime you need some friends or at least acquaintances in a similar boat you can have a bit of an offload too who will sympathise with how annoying it is x

Don't worry some people love to turn these threads into an only child bashing. So odd.

Oh OP it gets better as many have said it really does.

When ours were 4 (and a bit) and 2, they did used to squabble but they did love each other, once the 2 year old can join in the crime (of attempting to find hidden biscuits) or kick a ball or get teddy to go to the picnic their relationship will (should) will blossom and watching that is wonderful.

We have two huge teens now and they are close, they have loved the time on holidays together because they have each other, and they remember times and events and giggle away. They grew up practising jokes, memes, silly dances, homework, reading, computer games together.

Board games became much more fun because the pampered eldest learnt to lose gallantly which they totally needed to, and they do learn how to resolve conflict together.

And when they have fun gossip from school they are the first people each other tell.

Providing there is no unexpected disaster, it's a comfort to know they will have each other when we are gone, or too old to be of any great use to them.

We nurtured their relationship above housework, chores, a lot of things really. We decided we would try and cement their bond. And they are different in so many ways (which is great because there is no direct competition if you understand) but have similar outlooks, humour, conversational style.

And they can show vulnerability with each other that I presume their teenage embarrassment might prevent them doing so elsewhere.

It's a long game OP.

"BusyTown" board game used to be a hit here when they were young young.

Potato printing.
Sticker-drawings, so stick some stuff down and draw lines to represent roads, trees around the creations.

And singing, with tambourines (not the most pleasant on the ears) but they it worked.

Failing all this if they were really really cranky chucking them in the bath/paddling pool/even just a toy bubble machine (everyone loves a bubble) but getting them in water seemed to change their mood, so on really cracky days they would have a bath before dinnertime.

It is all worth it. Honestly.

It really dies count for a lot. It's something that's worth actively working on a prioritising - developing their relationship, encouraging it at every opportunity. It doesn't always just happen, but if you can start working on it when they're small it really is the most comforting thing to know they have each other.

They are both so little and very needy at that age. I have two with a 2 year age gap and the early years were difficult. Then, one day on holiday when they were 7 and 9, they got up and asked to go to the pool together before breakfast. And suddenly, having two children made sense. As yours get older, they will be company for each other and need less from you. Even now my two are adults, they are so close and such great great company for each other in the holidays (at uni at other times). I also think how much my sisters and I depended on each other after our parents (very early) deaths. If you cannot be glad at the moment you will be later on and they will certainly appreciate having a sibling.

I hear you, OP. We’re also in the trenches. I saw a friend the other day who now has a 3 and 6 year old and she seemed so happy and radiant compared to when she had an 18 months and 4 year old. Her two are playing together now and it definitely does get better. I remember her being an absolute wreck not that long ago.

I do sometimes feel guilty for having two because I just feel spread so thinly and not as good a parent to either of them compared to when we just had one. But then I see their little relationship developing and how they make each other laugh and I think that must count for something.

Have him take both children at some point during the weekend so you can get a break.

Try and see the advantages of having 2 .. and he main one being they have a ready made playmate

Tbh OP it’s not having 2 it’s having a toddler- so hard. I did not love having toddlers, way more a newborn kind of mother.

Mine were same gap as yours. It gets much much much worse!! Then in 30 years its a wee bit easier.

I Think it goes full circle one child friends have more entertaining to do, where as having more they always have someone to do things with. Today I swam while they played together in the water. Obviously old enough I don’t have to helicopter parent!

Oh dear.

You wonder if the only children are lonely at home. I felt lonely as the little sister of two brothers, one of which hid in his room most of the time, the other was vile to me. It doesn't automatically mean they're lonely. My only child is quite happy playing by herself.

I say no plenty of times to my only child TYVM. What a ridiculous stereotype.

Why on earth do you assume siblings 'toughen you up'?

I know you're trying to make OP feel better, but get your facts right.

Finally, the greatest gift you can give a child is a loving family and nurturing environment, not a sibling.

Crikey.