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Original poster

To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them?

179 replies

DeepNewt · 14/04/2025 17:06

No matter what they say.

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 14/04/2025 18:23

In a lot of long term relationships things ebb and flow as careers and circumstances change. I currently earn over three times what Mr Monkey currently does and feel zero resentment. He was the much higher earner when we first met but I supported him in a career change a few yearz ago. He also put up a significant amount of cash to buy our home as he already owned property and I didn't. This means our mortgage is very low for the area and type of property we have.

He also brings a very decent final salary pension to the party so when we do retire in a couple of decades his financial contribition will be decent and steady.

I bring private healthcare through my job that has been useful for both of us.

Our contribitions to relationships are more than the number in our current wage packet.

Original poster
DeepNewt · 14/04/2025 18:23

CleverButScatty · 14/04/2025 18:17

What a strange question. Do you feel it some sort of natural state that men should earn more than women?

Nope, I just personally find myself most compatible with men who are ambitious and generous - that often aligns with higher earnings. Nothing to do with “natural states” just lived experience.

OP posts:
JHound · 14/04/2025 18:22

DeepNewt · 14/04/2025 17:06

No matter what they say.

You are being unreasonable to think you know the minds of every single woman on the planet.

It’s not just unreasonable it’s stupid.

peppermintcrumble · 14/04/2025 18:21

GottaWork · 14/04/2025 17:23

Definitely not me. I earn about twice as much as DH now but I would never have got to where I am without his support. We share household stuff fairly so no resentment there.

We're a team and anything we achieve is because we support each other. It sounds a bit saccharine but it's worked for us for 30 years.

Us too, though not as long yet!

My mum was also the higher earner, interestingly.

peppermintcrumble · 14/04/2025 18:19

I don’t resent my DH. Obviously it would be nice if he earned more, but lots of things would be nice!

He works for a small company who are super flexible, shares the load and does all the cooking.

LSmiff · 14/04/2025 18:19

My sis constantly goes on about earning more than her H, so if her H does resent it it’s because of this rather than anything else.

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 14/04/2025 18:18

What the fuck

No

I am pleased my salary means he is able to stay in a fulfilling socially useful low paid job

CleverButScatty · 14/04/2025 18:17

What a strange question. Do you feel it some sort of natural state that men should earn more than women?

Asuitablecat · 14/04/2025 18:17

I'm a teacher and earn more than dh, which doesn't seem to be the norm. We've earned various amounts over the years, occasionally the same amount. I earn about 10k more than him at the minute. I've never resented him when he earns less, because I know he's constantly looking for ways to progress (and we're now late 40s/ early 50s). He's also a proper equal at home.

I do resent him having evenings and weekends off. But then, I'd feel the same if I were married to a PE teacher😉(Don't throw balls at me, I'm only joking. Solidarity and that. )

Ratisshortforratthew · 14/04/2025 18:16

No. In fact I actively prefer it because I like the power that comes with knowing I don’t need his financial contribution to live the life I want and if the relationship went sour I could kick him out of my (solely owned by me) flat. But I actively hate and strive to challenge anything related to traditional gender roles.

countingthedays945 · 14/04/2025 18:15

my earnings are double his but I don’t resent that. He has health issues and if he could earn more he would.

AliBaliBee1234 · 14/04/2025 18:15

I earn more than my husband. He's in a job which he adores and he's home early afternoon to look after our son.

Being resentful has never once crossed my mind 😳

TartanMammy · 14/04/2025 18:07

No not at all. I earn marginally more than dp and have more earning potential in the long run. I don't resent it.

He works just as hard as I do. He does more than 50/50 share at home, we have a mutual respect for each other and it has nothing to do with how much we contribute to the joint account.

Frowningprovidence · 14/04/2025 18:06

I don't think so. I've seen a lot of women resent thier partner for not pulling thier weight at home in terms of mental load, cleaning, cooking, childcare. But not really in terms of disparity in earnings.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 14/04/2025 18:04

Hell's teeth, has the country been covered in some daft gas today? We've had some ridiculously bonkers threads!

Jewel1968 · 14/04/2025 18:03

@DeepNewt ok. But I think you are playing into the social stereotypes there. I think anyone who doesn't think their partner doesn't pulls their weight in whatever way (money, tasks) might feel resentful.

MyIvyGrows · 14/04/2025 18:03

Hummusanddipdip · 14/04/2025 17:10

Nahhh, I think this is a you thing not a woman thing.

I have out-earned, under-earned and equally earned my husband and the only difference it made was the value of the wage being paid into the account 🤷‍♀️

This. We’ve each earned more, less, equal, and each had periods of no income (both unemployment and temporary unpaid leave periods). It’s a partnership.

maggiesleapp · 14/04/2025 18:02

I earn more than my DH never an issue. He probably works harder than me and def does more than his share in the house, not that it matters. We are a partnership.

TheProvincialLady · 14/04/2025 18:01

I earn more than twice as much as mine but he supported me through a masters degree and was the sole earner for 5 years while I was a SAHM so I hardly think he’s the freeloader of the century.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 14/04/2025 18:00

Katieweasel · 14/04/2025 17:55

I didn’t resent my husband earning less until I found out he turned down a promotion which would have taken the financial pressure off of me. He never even discussed it

I suspect a man who posted about his OH turning down a promotion without discussing it with him would get very short shrift on here.

Original poster
DeepNewt · 14/04/2025 17:59

Jewel1968 · 14/04/2025 17:51

I guess there is always some disparity in earnings. I suspect a relationship where both earn roughly the same is uncommon. Why do you say - Women - rather than - people who earn more... - why the focus on women?

I said “women” rather than “people who earn more” because I think there’s often a unique tension that comes up when traditional gender roles are reversed, especially in heterosexual relationships where the man is expected (socially or internally) to be the higher earner or provider.

I don’t think it’s only women who feel this kind of tension or resentment but I do think some women - even ones who are very successful and progressive - can quietly struggle with being the financial lead in a relationship, especially if it comes with feeling unsupported in other ways too.

The emotional and societal baggage around gender and money is real and that’s why I framed it that way.

OP posts:
LadyGillingham · 14/04/2025 17:57

They resent the invisible workload at home that falls on her shoulders regardless.

SatanicAngel · 14/04/2025 17:56

Nope.

Katieweasel · 14/04/2025 17:55

I didn’t resent my husband earning less until I found out he turned down a promotion which would have taken the financial pressure off of me. He never even discussed it

ACR7 · 14/04/2025 17:54

Not even a little bit. Cannot imagine why you would. We both work hard for 40hrs a week and have always pooled resources. We started off on same wages but I’ve been promoted a couple of times now but he’s not on peanuts and works really hard. Our jobs both work well for us.

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