To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them?

I don’t.

Although without his support or encouragement I would not have pursued my career as far as I did. And resent is possibly the wrong word for it. I think it was more a case of the pressure I felt to work hard to maintain our lifestyle. Having been through the school gate experience with a lot of SAHMs I was often astonished at how ungrateful they were at times and how resentful they could be when husbands said no to a new car or holiday.
DH never pressured me to “keep up with the Jones’s “ in fact he was usually the one who pulled the purse strings. When he gave up work to be a SAHP for a couple of years there was a lot of judgement, which I found very hypocritical.

No. He is a paramedic. I am an NHS manager. I know full well which of us works harder and is of more use to society. And it's not the one who earns the most.
Peoples salary doesn't reflect their usefulness.

Depends on the relationship. My exh earnt less than me and used that as an excuse to contribute nothing at all financially. And yes, I resented him for that.
If he had actually been a decent man though, things would have been different.

That will depend on the financial setup too. I earn more but DH still pays half of bills, nursery fees etc and we also have separate finances.

I do but I have specific reason to. Or maybe I don't. It's not a secret either!

I work full time in a job I really struggle with emotionally (teaching) up until this academic year I worked part time for 17 years other than a few months during Covid. I've had to go full time due to DHs financial situation which he has done very little to rectify. I had to threaten to leave him to get him to do any job!

I work long hours and he does very little around the house. So yeah I resent him! More about hours worked than income tbh.

No. I think resentment comes if you feel your partner isn't pulling their weight. That may translate as income if you are working really hard and they are just kicking along in a role. I earn more than my partner but it's just luck and he works bloody hard. It's never occurred to me to feel resentful.

I'm curious why you felt the need to ask?

No matter what they say.

This is the patronising part. Why not ask IF they do and listen to their answers? Do you not think women are capable of answering a question honestly?

Yes but no more than the majority of men do with their partners who earn less than them.

I earn quite a bit more than my partner. But he is so generous, lovely and kind the difference makes no odds to me why would I resent him?

Yes I did but I think things were financially always skewed to favour him

Yes I did but I think things were financially always skewed to favour him

Sure... just as a lot of women are 'naturally compatible' with rich men who want to give them lots of stuff... Weird.

The way you write this aims to give the impression that you care about personality traits and values but I suspect it's really about the money, given that being ambitious and generous doesn't necessarily equate to being a high earner at all (many people are ambitious in terms of wanting to excel in their careers or to help others through their work but choose fields where making lots of money isn't likely).

In so far as this pertains to your original point... I think you're right that a lot of women prefer a man who earns more. This might be about materialism and their socialisation into certain expectations (wanting to feel protected or looked after or to be treated; a desire for the 'status' of a higher earner). It might, as you suggest, be about men being less likely to make up for earning less by doing more domestic or emotional labour. But I suspect part of it is also down to a desire to avoid threatening men and an instinct for how to 'manage them'. Many men are, at least in my experience, pretty resentful of their wives earning more than they do. After all, earning more can be a horrible pressure but it can also come with perceived licence to slack off at home, treat yourself and have fun. Oh and of course it can come with status, respect and power. I don't think many men like their female partners to have this sort of high ground.

That said... not all men and women are the same, and some people do, I believe, genuinely escape from some of this rubbish.

Absolutely not in my personal experience

Some women (and men) may just feel resentful because they're very materialistic. But I think women are more likely to feel resentful of their partners because so many men don't step up around the house. If the woman earns less she may feel the extra finances is reasonable compensation for that (and she may not) which a woman earning more won't. So I can see that earning more might make women more likely to feel resentful. I don't think it's the case that all women who earn more feel resentful, though.

I don't because he works very hard. He is just unlucky with his career. I was also out of work for a few years when we married and he supported me 100% and took care of mental health. We are a team and all our money goes into a pot. I don't tell people I earn more out of respect for him and the way society is. I'm just luckier with my career. I certainly don't work as hard 😂

Lol at “ambitious and generous”. How you would feel about a man you support is how he feels about you

Nope. I love being the higher earner. Very good for my ego.

Nope. In fact I have gone out of my way to avoid men who earn more than me. I earn twice what my current partner earns and three times what my husband earned (we divorced but not because of money).

I would actually be apprehensive of being in a relationship with a wealthy man and I would never marry one: maybe they are not all controlling and entitled but I have yet to meet a man who didn’t believe a higher income gave him a particular kind of power over his wife or partner. There’s a particular kind of toxic chemistry when a man comes to believe his income gives him certain privileges and advantages over his wife or partner. I would far prefer financial parity at a minimum and often greater financial power. Then you are never beholden and can always disobey and always leave.

How sad that you think someone can only be generous if they’re the higher earner.

I think there’s generally an imbalance of power if one partner earns significantly more. It just tends to be less noticeable when the lower earner is the woman because we are used to seeing women treated like that

Nonsense. I earn more than my DH does and I don't feel even the slightest amount of resentment. I would imagine that in this day and age, most people have (thankfully) consigned tired myths about "traditional gender roles" to the dustbin of history.

I've never judged someone's worth by how much money they have/earn.

I judge them on their moral compass and compassionate (or not) behaviour. Money comes so far down my list of desirable attributes, it's just not an issue.