To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them?

Why would they be in a relationship with them if that was an issue?

If the man is not pulling his weight, dicking around with hobby projects while the woman earns all the money and also does everything at home, I can see this building some resentment. Like friend's husband who spends all his time with his band. Thr band is about to make it, you see, he can't be expected to do anything else. He's over 50 and thr band had been about to make it for the past 30 years or so..

But I don't have any issues with the fact that DHs chosen career is not as well paid as mine.

They do if the DH isn’t doing enough around the house, ie a fair sfare.

Lol you’re back tracking quite a lot!

DH is military, I can assure you there is nothing unattractive about him and his role; fit, strong, ambitious man in a uniform who is also kind and a hands on husband and dad. Doesn’t get sexier than that for me. I earn almost double just due to the nature of my specialism, but he’s just as ambitious as me, if not more so.

I don't see why they would? Maybe if they felt the bills etc were not being fairly spilt but that is another issue.

Too generosity isn’t an absolute. Would Elon Musk be generous giving OP $1m when he has hundreds of billions? Or is a partner doing overtime at the factory for a year to buy you a new mountain bike generous?

Generous doesn’t have to mean high price tag, but it does have to mean effort and sacrifice imho.

So you like men who buy you stuff and you'd like to think we're all as shallow as you.

Epic fail.

I say bollocks to the OP’s dated regressive ‘theory’. In our over 30 years together we have each worked/earned more at various times and of course it has not altered the love, care and respect we feel for each other - we are a team. How superficial and shallow the OP’s relationships must be. I earn more now, which suits me as I spend a shit ton more on my outrageously expensive hobby.
You can’t put a price on true love.

I never resented my DH. Even now I don’t resent him when his FT wage at the highest he has ever earned is still less than my monthly pension income.

Nope, I don't. Never have, never will. What a bizarre post.

I’m not saying every woman feels this way

To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them? DeepNewt · Today 17:06. No matter what they say

Make your mind up...

I don't think this is true, no. What is there to resent? It's extremely unlikely you're going to end up with a partner who earns exactly what you do anyway, so someone always has to earn more. Currently I earn about 20k more than DH. He used to earn 30k more than me. Neither of us has resented it either way - I can't understand why you would unless they were being a dick about family money/not contributing fairly.

But do you want to earn less? 😂

I feel like all this might be on a scale of relative salaries.

‘I like it when men pay for my stuff and I can chill out’

I earn considerably more than my other half, I also probably do more than 50% of things round the house but that's because I work less hours, have more flexibility and wfh full time so no commute. I don't resent him.

I just personally find myself most compatible with men who are ambitious and generous - that often aligns with higher earnings

But if you earn less, does that mean you're not ambitious and generous then? And how do you then align with people who are?

Unfashionable comment but I do think this still holds true even for millennials (can’t talk for gen z)

No… but… I have always earnt more than my partners by some stretch. And as much as I want to say it doesn’t matter, sometimes it does. And it’s hard to admit it. There is latent sexism I want to purge and that is my work. We work togther as a team but there are moments when I will admit I have wished I wasn’t the breadwinner/ higher earner. I want a certain lifestyle and my current and precious partner don’t care and I don’t go for men who do. But I am a contradiction.

No, I don’t resent my DH for earning less. He earns enough, and I appreciate that I am the more ambitious of one two of us.

@DeepNewt can I ask what age you and your friendship group are?
This is the kind of thing I would hear my 68 year old mum say. Also reference to 'women's jobs'.
It drives my sister and mad.
I can't imagine anyone of my generation ( late 40s seeing it this way).

I never have.

No I think it works really well for us. I’m more traditionally academic than DH but also more highly strung/prone to anxiety (long history of mental illness!). Without him helping keep me on an even keel emotionally, I think I would struggle a LOT more career wise. I like having him be relatively “available” - he never has a sudden work crisis or needs to randomly work late or anything like that. And I like that our kids don’t see traditional gender roles- I do the driving and the finances, he does the cooking, we both share childcare and each have a day with our youngest during the week.

Plus when we met he had this whole sexy bartender thing going on with his leather jacket and cigarettes, you don’t really get that vibe so much from accountants 😂

I certainly don't. I'm the higher earner. I'm married but I'm also a self sufficient independent woman.
Frankly, I dont need a man to keep me

Sure, but women can understand that – so just ask in a better way.

It’s patronising bullshit, relying on the assumption that women are weaker and enjoy their weaknesses. Fuck that.