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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

186 replies

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:19

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

OP posts:
SpainToday · 14/04/2025 16:44

Sending doctored photos of your child to SS is unhinged. She must have been knowingly, deliberately dishonest.

Absolutely - you don't do this by mistake

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2025 16:44

Spirallingdownwards · 14/04/2025 16:23

That is a hell no from me. Stand your ground. What does your mother say about them making the false and malicious claim?

This.

You can never have your child near someone who doctored photos. If I were in that position, they'd be dead to me.

singlewhitetrashheap · 14/04/2025 16:42

I think I'd be going no contact with her to be quite honest.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 14/04/2025 16:42

Did you ask police, social services what you could do about the doctored picture and lies?

I can't imagine how bad iyvwould have been had yourbex not been reasonable about being contacted like that!

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:41

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

No social services just said that what they had done was malicious and they wouldn't be coming out to see me cause they had had the images looked at individually and they could see what they had done. They said tho that the volume of images they had sent through were alarming. They were living with me at the time so they had been secretly taking photos of any mark on my newly walking baby to use as blackmail when I eventually kicked them out of my house, where they lived rent free for almost a year.

OP posts:
OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:38

MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 16:33

Are you making alternative childcare arrangements?

I went off sick a while ago as I was struggling to cope with being dependent on my mum. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with C PTSD... I'm studying online, so I will look after my boy myself. No amount of money is worth this xx

OP posts:
FatLarrysBanned · 14/04/2025 16:37

Absolutely disgraceful and could have had devastating consequences so YANBU, but what was the original falling out over that they went to such calculating ways to try and hurt you?

Did you get get smashed at their wedding and declare that SIL has had more pricks than a drawing board?

Suggest that their kids look suspiciously like the milkman?

Not send an immediate "DM me hun" message when she checked in at local A & E on FB?

🤷🏻‍♀️

thepariscrimefiles · 14/04/2025 16:37

Were there any consequences for your brother and SIL lying about you abusing your baby and creating doctored photographs? Surely they should have been arrested? If you haven't done so already, I would contact the police about what they did.

Keep your child away from your mum. Your whole family is toxic and unhinged and they represent a real danger to your baby.

Please go no contact with the whole toxic lot of them.

TheShiningCarpet · 14/04/2025 16:35

its horrible isn't it - it makes you wonder what your mum accepted when you were a child in terms of other peoples behaviour and your safety if she doesn't see any issue here. You have every right to fight to keep your child away from toxic people, family or not. Well done for sticking to your guns. She won't change, they won't change.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:35

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:27

Maybe time to stop using your mum as free childcare when you're not there.

Yep.

OP posts:
HiRen · 14/04/2025 16:34

Your SIL doctored photos of your DC and sent them to social services in order to deliberately get you into trouble? And your DM is willing to see beyond this?

I don't think you're the one to be feeling awful. They all need to take a long hard look at themselves.

The things you read on here sometimes...

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:34

Theunamedcat · 14/04/2025 16:27

Ridiculous of her to expect you to feel differently imagine if they decided that there was sufficient grounds to remove the child pending investigation if you had no video no proof it was an innocent bruise

The police rang his dad and said if you have any concerns come and get him, she'll have to go thru court to get him back.... luckily he said absolutely no concerns bit he could have been gone that day.

OP posts:
Summertimeblahness · 14/04/2025 16:33

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:27

Maybe time to stop using your mum as free childcare when you're not there.

How do you know that op does this?

I have my dgc often, it’s not free childcare I enjoy being with them!

MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 16:33

Are you making alternative childcare arrangements?

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:32

TwentyTwentyFive · 14/04/2025 16:29

YANBU and I'm quite frankly horrified anyone has voted that you are!

These people made false claims about you abusing your child and your mum thinks it's fine to let them spend time with him. Shock I don't advocate this often and normally think people are being too quick to suggest it but I would honestly go no contact with all of them to be honest.

Yea I think I will. It's a shame cause my boy loves my mum but I don't and she isn't a nice person.

OP posts:
MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 16:32

Sending doctored photos of your child to SS is unhinged. She must have been knowingly, deliberately dishonest.

If she'll lie to people who are supposed to protect children in order to hurt their parents then I wouldn't want to see them again. YANBU.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:31

Cardiganwearer · 14/04/2025 16:24

You’re absolutely right of course! Who cares if you’re the villain? SIL seeing your dc again gives her chance to do it again. Of course you should protect your family from someone so malicious. Is your brother the golden child and you the scapegoat because that would make perfect sense.

Exactly this. My mum is a complete narcissist and all she can think is I want both kids and sil won't let me have both without her there. So forget what they did and my feelings about it

OP posts:
TwentyTwentyFive · 14/04/2025 16:29

YANBU and I'm quite frankly horrified anyone has voted that you are!

These people made false claims about you abusing your child and your mum thinks it's fine to let them spend time with him. Shock I don't advocate this often and normally think people are being too quick to suggest it but I would honestly go no contact with all of them to be honest.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:29

Nothing. When I said that to her she said. "I know what you all are and om only interested in the kids" I said wow ok we're done here.

OP posts:
Tessasanderson · 14/04/2025 16:28

Stick to your guns. If your mother is this ignorant of your wishes on this subject i wouldn't trust her with your child at all

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:28

Thanks xx

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/04/2025 16:27

I think you're right. Your SiL doesn't sound very well, as no healthy minded person acts as she did, and you have no way of knowing how this might next manifest. She could be a risk to your child, and I'd not chance it. I'd also be concerned about your mum having contact herself as if she thinks it's OK for you SiL to be around your child after what she did, her own judgement is flawed. They sound very chaotic and strange OP and if you can avoid your child being involved with them I think you should.

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:27

Maybe time to stop using your mum as free childcare when you're not there.

Theunamedcat · 14/04/2025 16:27

Ridiculous of her to expect you to feel differently imagine if they decided that there was sufficient grounds to remove the child pending investigation if you had no video no proof it was an innocent bruise

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