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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

186 replies

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:19

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway.

I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded.

It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell....
Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened.

My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances.
I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants.

She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway.

Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan
.. what do people think?

OP posts:
Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 17:52

TheCrowFliesWest · 14/04/2025 17:49

Sounds like some trauma informed/focused therapy could be helpful?

You are worth more than this.

Show quote history

Yea...I'm having counselling at the min...waiting to see clin psych to asses for complex ptsd and then 3 year wait list for therapy ....

But I feel like step 1 is removing myself from this triggering bullshit. Xxx

OP posts:
TheCrowFliesWest · 14/04/2025 17:49

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 17:41

I've just finished reading " you are not the problem " as recommended to me by my therapist and it just made me really angry...particularly cause a lot of my "personality " is a trauma response.

Show quote history

Sounds like some trauma informed/focused therapy could be helpful?

You are worth more than this.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 17:42

Justchillinhere · 14/04/2025 17:25

Does she get away with doctoring photo? The world gone mad. Definitely no contact with any of them which is sad but needed

Yea nothing happened

OP posts:
Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 17:41

TheCrowFliesWest · 14/04/2025 17:19

I have a narc mother and sister OP. I hear you. Keep your distance.

Check out Dr Ramani ‘It’s Not You’ if you haven’t read it already or watch her you tube videos.

I've just finished reading " you are not the problem " as recommended to me by my therapist and it just made me really angry...particularly cause a lot of my "personality " is a trauma response.

OP posts:
Catlady63 · 14/04/2025 17:32

So sorry, from my experience police don't follow up on malicious abuse allegations.

You are right to go NC with your mum - she might be nice to your DC now, but very likely to turn on him when he's older.

Your SIL is an evil cow - your brother too for supporting her. Your life will be better without any of them in it - no tip toeing around their feelings trying not to set them off.

MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 17:26

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:38

I went off sick a while ago as I was struggling to cope with being dependent on my mum. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with C PTSD... I'm studying online, so I will look after my boy myself. No amount of money is worth this xx

Show quote history

Good luck - I suspect you might find it easier getting yourself back together when these people are out of your life!

Justchillinhere · 14/04/2025 17:25

Does she get away with doctoring photo? The world gone mad. Definitely no contact with any of them which is sad but needed

Overtheatlantic · 14/04/2025 17:21

I’m surprised your brother and SIL didn’t go to jail for lying to the police about child abuse.

TheCrowFliesWest · 14/04/2025 17:19

I have a narc mother and sister OP. I hear you. Keep your distance.

Check out Dr Ramani ‘It’s Not You’ if you haven’t read it already or watch her you tube videos.

BigHeadBertha · 14/04/2025 17:15

You're doing the right thing, absolutely. This is what you NEED to do to safeguard your son. Your family is not safe for you or your son to be around. Good for you.

Sunbeam01 · 14/04/2025 17:02

YANBU.

Protect yourself and your child.

I can't imagine what you've been through. Take back control and go no contact. Do not engage. Start fresh. Do not look back.

Life may seem tough right now but keep going... it will all work out in the end.

Watermill · 14/04/2025 17:01

YANBU

Your mother can’t be trusted, and she doesn’t have your, or your DC best interests at heart.

I would probably cut her off completely.

TimeForABreak4 · 14/04/2025 16:59

If my daughter in law had done that to my daughter with a false, malicious social services report I think I'd struggle to have anything to do with her. Your mums being hugely unreasonable.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 14/04/2025 16:56

Youre making the right decision.

I don't want to sound condescending but given you're family's behaviour, i suspect you may behave been exposed to many things like this in the past, so I just want to really and completely underline how absolutely fucking batshit crazy, abnormal and truly malicious and harmful their behaviour is, to the extent that I think exposing your son to them at all is, at best, not in his best interests, and at worst could be catastrophic.

bigboykitty · 14/04/2025 16:54

It's time for low or no contact with your mum. No unsupervised contact with your mum, if you do decide to be in touch. These family members are toxic and nothing good can come from your little one having a relationship with them. I think you know this though - you just need some back up.

socks1107 · 14/04/2025 16:51

You’re absolutely right. I’d consider distancing myself from them all tbh

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:51

Crazyladee · 14/04/2025 16:47

Absolutely YANBU. I would distance myself from all of them and not trust them at all. I'd be worried about what they had up their sleeves for their next ploy to have your child taken off you. I'd also, if you haven't already done so, document their disgusting behaviour to the Police. Maybe look into taking out some kind of a restraining order against them so legally they can't be around your child? Sounds a bit dramatic, but can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't have that video of your child falling over?

Yea I can imagine. That's why I'm so angry. And I won't let her any where near my son again.

OP posts:
MarkWithaC · 14/04/2025 16:50

I'd be reporting the SIL and brother to social services. It sounds like they need serious psychiatric help.
Bollocks to your mum if she can't respect your wishes.

LushLemonTart · 14/04/2025 16:49

You're better off going NC from them all. Terrible people.

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:49

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 16:40

Did you show the doctored photo to the police and report them for harassment and malicious behaviour?

I didn't see the photo ss said they had had them looked at and they had been doctored.

OP posts:
Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:48

Spirallingdownwards · 14/04/2025 16:23

That is a hell no from me. Stand your ground. What does your mother say about them making the false and malicious claim?

She says nothing cause she knows they wouldn't let her see their child if she sided with me.

OP posts:
Crazyladee · 14/04/2025 16:47

Absolutely YANBU. I would distance myself from all of them and not trust them at all. I'd be worried about what they had up their sleeves for their next ploy to have your child taken off you. I'd also, if you haven't already done so, document their disgusting behaviour to the Police. Maybe look into taking out some kind of a restraining order against them so legally they can't be around your child? Sounds a bit dramatic, but can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't have that video of your child falling over?

Original poster
RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:46

FatLarrysBanned · 14/04/2025 16:37

Absolutely disgraceful and could have had devastating consequences so YANBU, but what was the original falling out over that they went to such calculating ways to try and hurt you?

Did you get get smashed at their wedding and declare that SIL has had more pricks than a drawing board?

Suggest that their kids look suspiciously like the milkman?

Not send an immediate "DM me hun" message when she checked in at local A & E on FB?

🤷🏻‍♀️

I kicked them out or my house after they lived with me rent free for a year and utterly took the piss

OP posts:
MistyMoistyMorningCloud · 14/04/2025 16:46

Stop letting your mum having him without you there.

springbringshope · 14/04/2025 16:45

Surely you have evidence of harassment with the doctored images

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