Page 4 | Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

RachCmomma · 2025-04-14T15:19:44+00:00

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway. I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded. It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell.... Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened. My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances. I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants. She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway. Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan .. what do people think?

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 23:03

MignonsMorceaux · 14/04/2025 16:33

Are you making alternative childcare arrangements?

I don't need her for childcare.... she wants to see my son. I'd rather he didn't go to her.. so I'm stopping it xx

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Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 22:53

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 14/04/2025 22:51

Ar least read the OP's updates, then you'll know why brother is backing up sil. And that the mother is a manipulative narcissist.

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Thank you xx

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NotbloodyGivingupYet · 14/04/2025 22:51

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:54

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

Ar least read the OP's updates, then you'll know why brother is backing up sil. And that the mother is a manipulative narcissist.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 22:41

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:54

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

My brother wouldn't go against her as she will just take their baby back to Australia and that would be that. It's a really complex situation and as usual I've been given the shitty end of the stick.

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Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 22:37

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:54

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

No my mum doesn't have concerns, she is aware that SIL is a nightmare, my mum also had to kick the out when they lived with her and that's how I got lumbered with them- when our dad had just died and I'd just had a baby.
They never used to speak to my mum at all after she kicked them out and since I kicked them out my mum has started trying to help them get on their feet as they also have a baby and she just wants it all swept under the rug.

Let me be very clear, social services are satisfied it was a malicious report and the photos were doctored. My health visitor, child minder, baby's father have absolutely zero concerns and my boy is a happy thriving healthy confident 2 year old now.

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Londonrach1 · 14/04/2025 21:57

You are very right here! Stand your ground! Yanbu

GiddyCrab · 14/04/2025 21:55

NancyJoan · 14/04/2025 16:23

She sees your child with you, or not at all. Nothing to even debate.

This. If your mum doesn't follow your wishes then don't let her see him either.

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:54

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 21:43

carly2803 · 14/04/2025 21:15

why are you even having your mum as childare if she cannot respect your decision?

i would not want your brother and SIL around your child either - or your mother!!

new childcare needed!!

It's not so much that I'm using her for childcare, like I said I've stopped working so I can be with my son full time. But she still wants to see him. I've said no unsupervised contact from today. It's hard because she has made me feel like it's me with the problem my entire life. My family (her sisters) will probably stick up for her too and be mad at me but it is what it is. The response has been overwhelming and I'm grateful to have been heard and validated. Xxx

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carly2803 · 14/04/2025 21:15

why are you even having your mum as childare if she cannot respect your decision?

i would not want your brother and SIL around your child either - or your mother!!

new childcare needed!!

thepariscrimefiles · 14/04/2025 20:06

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:20

Yea I have tried... I already gave up work before Xmas as she couldn't respect my boundaries or treat me with any compassion. But she keeps begging to have him so I say yes.

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But you must say no. I wouldn't trust any of them to keep your child safe.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 20:03

Slawbans · 14/04/2025 19:46

Couldn’t you get a restraining order against your brother and sister in law ? So this would be a civil matter - you’d have to pay a solicitor - but then the onus would be on them to not be within x metres of you / your son If they break that , then police would get involved .

The way it is at the moment your Mum has to police you both. She is making really poor choices I know - but it would be difficult to choose a side between your children.

Thing is I'm not asking her to chose a side...just stop arranging days out with them so that I have to say no my child won't be attending.

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Slawbans · 14/04/2025 19:46

Couldn’t you get a restraining order against your brother and sister in law ? So this would be a civil matter - you’d have to pay a solicitor - but then the onus would be on them to not be within x metres of you / your son If they break that , then police would get involved .

The way it is at the moment your Mum has to police you both. She is making really poor choices I know - but it would be difficult to choose a side between your children.

Beeloux · 14/04/2025 19:39

Absoloutley YANBU. SIL sounds unhinged. I would be worried about the safeguarding of my child around her if I were you.
You have done the right thing. Don’t allow any unsupervised contact with your mum as you cannot trust that she won’t take your dc to meet up with SIL in secret. I would cut contact with the lot of them.

AroundTheMulberryBush · 14/04/2025 19:39

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your entire family sounds quite toxic and disrespectful of boundaries in general. I'd be doing the same as you tbh.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:38

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/04/2025 19:24

Have you reported it to the police yourself?

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No, it was almost 7 months ago now too

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Boreded · 14/04/2025 19:35

2JFDIYOLO · 14/04/2025 16:27

Maybe time to stop using your mum as free childcare when you're not there.

There’s always one 🥱

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:31

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/04/2025 19:22

I'd keep them well away for ever. I'd not let your mother have any photos of your child that she could then send them either.

Frankly, going to the lengths of doctoring photos to send to SS, and it not working, would make me worried they might escalate and actually bruise or mark your child themselves just to take a photo.

It's absolutely unhinged. And your mother's comment 'I know what you all are' - well you bloody know what she is don't you! A selfish, spiteful, manipulative woman, with no moral compass at all, that you're better off without.

Thank you!! It was this comment that pushed me over the edge
Xxx

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TaggieO · 14/04/2025 19:31

Wasting police time is a crime…..

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/04/2025 19:24

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:21

Yea. Ss have it on record, mark as unfounded and malicious. But police not bothered x

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Have you reported it to the police yourself?

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:24

Emonade · 14/04/2025 19:18

What was the original falling out over? It seems like an absolutely mental thing to do because of a falling out, has she done other things like this? You should absolutely keep your child away from them and try not to feel bad about it

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I kicked then out of my house where they lived rent free for almost a Yr. Screaming and shouting at me for me asking the to clean up after themselves

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AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 14/04/2025 19:23

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:34

The police rang his dad and said if you have any concerns come and get him, she'll have to go thru court to get him back.... luckily he said absolutely no concerns bit he could have been gone that day.

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When your ex is a better person than your own mother, brother and SIL; you need to find new family. I am a big fan of the theory, family is people that love, support and are (mostly) enjoyable to be around. If a birth family doesn't fit the bill, make your own from friends near and far.

You and your child deserve better.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/04/2025 19:22

I'd keep them well away for ever. I'd not let your mother have any photos of your child that she could then send them either.

Frankly, going to the lengths of doctoring photos to send to SS, and it not working, would make me worried they might escalate and actually bruise or mark your child themselves just to take a photo.

It's absolutely unhinged. And your mother's comment 'I know what you all are' - well you bloody know what she is don't you! A selfish, spiteful, manipulative woman, with no moral compass at all, that you're better off without.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:21

mathanxiety · 14/04/2025 19:18

I want to second the advice to report them to the police.

I think it might qualify as harassment.

Even if they don't do anything, the incident will be on record and you'll have a crime number and can refer to the incident if they ever try to pull a similar stunt again. It's much easier to get a police report than a SS case to refer to down the road. A police report is the first step on the path to a restraining order too, should you ever need one.

Your child will go to nursery and then to school and they could easily call a nursery or a school to report negligence, abuse, accuse you of prostitution in the home, drug taking, drink driving with DS, etc.

Yea. Ss have it on record, mark as unfounded and malicious. But police not bothered x

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Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 19:20

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/04/2025 19:19

YANBU, but you need to stop using your mum for childcare.

Yea I have tried... I already gave up work before Xmas as she couldn't respect my boundaries or treat me with any compassion. But she keeps begging to have him so I say yes.

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