Page 3 | Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

RachCmomma · 2025-04-14T15:19:44+00:00

For context I don't have a great relationship with my mum anyway. I have fallen out with my brother and SIL and in retaliation they made a malicious social services report accusing me of physical abuse of my 1 year old. The police checked him over, spoke to childminder and his father ect and it was un founded. It transpired that SIL had sent social services doctored photos of my child and a photo of him having a bruise on his eye- luckily I had a video of his injury happening as it was his first walk outside and he got too excited and fell.... Anyway understandably I have said I don't want the around my child since this happened. My mum keeps manipulating me into letting my child see them- for example inviting them out on days when she has my son I've made it clear thst I do not want this to happen under Amy circumstances. I've told her she needs to respect my decision and stop trying to guilt trip me into doing what she wants. She has my son on a Tuesday and today she rang me to tell me she's planned a family day out tomorrow at a park...but SIL amd her child will be there...I've said no.. she's started shouting at me and we've had a row I've now said that as she clearly can't respect my boundaries and she isn't willing to tell them what they did was disgusting she won't be having my child on her own, as I don't trust her not to do it anyway. Obviously now I feel awful and she's making me out to be the vilan .. what do people think?

QuickLilacPoster · 15/04/2025 12:35

QuickLilacPoster · 15/04/2025 12:33

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Lots of therapy, being around people that support you and want the best for you is the most important thing right now.

YANBU.

Your mum cannot respect your wishes, so she no longer gets to see your child unsupervised.

I’d be tempted to cut them all off including your mum.

Your bil and sil clearly wanted you to lose your child to SS. Your mum is putting your child in “danger” I suppose being around these crazy people.

I don’t think I could forgive my mum

QuickLilacPoster · 15/04/2025 12:33

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Lots of therapy, being around people that support you and want the best for you is the most important thing right now.

YANBU.

Your mum cannot respect your wishes, so she no longer gets to see your child unsupervised.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 12:23

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/04/2025 12:22

Grandparents don't have any right to access their grandchildren.

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I know. I work with kids in care/ removed from abusive parents....

She is deranged.

OP posts:

Watermill · 15/04/2025 12:23

I think you need to block her, plus any flying monkeys.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/04/2025 12:22

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 12:20

Thanks. I will speak to them.
My mum is also now saying she will go to a solicitor to get access to DS. So momma lion mode well and truly activated xxx *edited by MNHQ

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Grandparents don't have any right to access their grandchildren.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 12:20

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 15/04/2025 09:24

I still think you should make a police report about your brother and SIL op… you are probably right nothing will happen but it’s more important you have something on file… so if it escalates you can say I did report their behaviour to the police here is the reference number… you need to think like a mother lion now

Thanks. I will speak to them.
My mum is also now saying she will go to a solicitor to get access to DS. So momma lion mode well and truly activated xxx *edited by MNHQ

OP posts:

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 15/04/2025 09:24

I still think you should make a police report about your brother and SIL op… you are probably right nothing will happen but it’s more important you have something on file… so if it escalates you can say I did report their behaviour to the police here is the reference number… you need to think like a mother lion now

LushLemonTart · 15/04/2025 08:55

@RachCmomma you might be entitled to no win no fee help against the police, ask around. Or you can tell your MP. You can also complain to the Police ombudsman. You shouldn't leave this as they could do something again if they think they can get away with it. Doesn't matter if it's been a few months.

Sil sounds very dangerous. Db is scared and so is dm probably. Worried that sil will take dc to Oz. Or anything else she might do. Add to the mix narc dm and anything could happen.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 08:15

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 08:12

Hmm...

So even with the fact that Social Services said that there was no evidence that these false allegations were correct and that you have had a malicious report made against you so you know it can happen, you still think that OP still has a case to answer?

The report was prompted by OP throwing her brother and his family out of her home where they had lived rent free for over a year. It is crystal clear that the allegation was made out of sheer spite.

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Thank you xxx

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 08:12

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:54

Hmm…
I’m not saying malicious reports don’t exist - I’ve had one myself! But if your mum and your brother both stand by the concerns behind your SIL’s actions, so in other words they too have genuine concerns surrounding your general capabilities as a parent, then I’d suggest looking at why they made that report. If both your DM & DB are standing by SIL then they clearly have concerns also

Hmm...

So even with the fact that Social Services said that there was no evidence that these false allegations were correct and that you have had a malicious report made against you so you know it can happen, you still think that OP still has a case to answer?

The report was prompted by OP throwing her brother and his family out of her home where they had lived rent free for over a year. It is crystal clear that the allegation was made out of sheer spite.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 00:29

SandyY2K · 15/04/2025 00:27

I think they should get into trouble for this. Surely it's an offence to make false malicious reports.

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I don't think there's the resources unfortunately xx

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SandyY2K · 15/04/2025 00:27

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 16:49

I didn't see the photo ss said they had had them looked at and they had been doctored.

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I think they should get into trouble for this. Surely it's an offence to make false malicious reports.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 00:13

AcrossthePond55 · 15/04/2025 00:11

@RachCmomma

You are 100% right to go NC with the whole lot of them. They add nothing positive to your life, nor to your child's life. Any 'positives' you may think your mum may provide to your child are outweighed 1000 times by the negativity she will bring.

If you don't have a Ring doorbell, I suggest you get one pronto. And if any member of your family has a key to your home, get the locks or lock barrels changed.

And I don't know if anyone's mentioned 'flying monkeys' to you, but these are the friends and relatives your mum will send to try and guilt or shame you. Ignore them, block them, whatever you need to do.

I've never heard the term flying monkeys but yeah I'm expecting to hear off some family members who she will have called and got them rilled up xx

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Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 00:12

Avatartar · 15/04/2025 00:07

hreat you are seeing a therapist and know what’s going on here. Your mum is treating you terribly but it is she who is being a bitch to you, please remember that.
is there anyway you can move away from the area? Appreciate that’s not ideal. Keep on being strong- you are doing the right thing.
Remember you are not stopping DM from seeing DS you are keeping him safe and there’s nothing there for her to argue with

Thank you
I don't want to move away. I have good friends, sisters and a step mum who loves us both. So luckily I do have a good support system. Xxx

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 15/04/2025 00:11

@RachCmomma

You are 100% right to go NC with the whole lot of them. They add nothing positive to your life, nor to your child's life. Any 'positives' you may think your mum may provide to your child are outweighed 1000 times by the negativity she will bring.

If you don't have a Ring doorbell, I suggest you get one pronto. And if any member of your family has a key to your home, get the locks or lock barrels changed.

And I don't know if anyone's mentioned 'flying monkeys' to you, but these are the friends and relatives your mum will send to try and guilt or shame you. Ignore them, block them, whatever you need to do.

Avatartar · 15/04/2025 00:07

hreat you are seeing a therapist and know what’s going on here. Your mum is treating you terribly but it is she who is being a bitch to you, please remember that.
is there anyway you can move away from the area? Appreciate that’s not ideal. Keep on being strong- you are doing the right thing.
Remember you are not stopping DM from seeing DS you are keeping him safe and there’s nothing there for her to argue with

Original poster

RachCmomma · 15/04/2025 00:06

Jumpingthruhoops · 15/04/2025 00:05

I get it... but it's time to cut the wire.
You have one life, please don't spend it trying to please other people; especially those who clearly DGAF about you.
Be strong. You've got this!

Edited

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Thanks. I'm going to go no contact. It's been a long time coming xx

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Jumpingthruhoops · 15/04/2025 00:05

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 23:52

Yea I hear you. U feel awful because now I've had to block my mum as she won't stop messaging calling me a bitch and how could I do this to her etc.... my kid will notice his nan isn't around... for a little while at least... and it just feels crap that I'm in this situation because my family members can't act like normal decent people. And also when you've been raised in this environment you're kinda hard wired to feel guilty all the time.

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I get it... but it's time to cut the wire.
You have one life, please don't spend it trying to please other people; especially those who clearly DGAF about you.
Be strong. You've got this!

chocolatelover91 · 15/04/2025 00:05

You are not being unreasonable. By the way your sister in law sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this OP 😔 💗

Lavender14 · 14/04/2025 23:58

No way would these people be in my life or my child's life any more op.

That's utterly awful behaviour on all parts and your first priority is keeping your child safe and their life stable.

I'm sorry you don't have the family we all deserve to have hopefully you can create it out of good friends.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 23:52

Jumpingthruhoops · 14/04/2025 23:33

So what if she's making you out to be the villain!? Let her. Your child, your rules. If she can't respect your rules, she doesn't see your child. Simple.

You say you feel 'awful' but what would make you feel more awful: stopping her from seeing your child? Or letting her and, in turn, your other ILs see your child and possibly having more allegations being made to SS?

I know which I'd rather...

Yea I hear you. U feel awful because now I've had to block my mum as she won't stop messaging calling me a bitch and how could I do this to her etc.... my kid will notice his nan isn't around... for a little while at least... and it just feels crap that I'm in this situation because my family members can't act like normal decent people. And also when you've been raised in this environment you're kinda hard wired to feel guilty all the time.

OP posts:

Jumpingthruhoops · 14/04/2025 23:33

So what if she's making you out to be the villain!? Let her. Your child, your rules. If she can't respect your rules, she doesn't see your child. Simple.

You say you feel 'awful' but what would make you feel more awful: stopping her from seeing your child? Or letting her and, in turn, your other ILs see your child and possibly having more allegations being made to SS?

I know which I'd rather...

Catlady63 · 14/04/2025 23:30

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 23:11

@NotbloodyGivingupYetYes but if my suggestion was the case, then that is how OP would perceive them or portray them, at least.

Your suggestion isn't the case though, the OP is the victim of malacious allegations of abuse, which have been proven to be false and malacious.

Your point seems to be that if someone was abusing her child that she would say she wasn't. But that has nothing at all to do with the OPs post. She's been falsely accused, your take ' yeah but no but maybe she did abuse her kid' really isn't adding anything at all.

Original poster

RachCmomma · 14/04/2025 23:15

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 23:11

@NotbloodyGivingupYetYes but if my suggestion was the case, then that is how OP would perceive them or portray them, at least.

Essentially what you're saying is there's no smoke without fire... which I understand... however that's the whole point of my post- ss have said they were doctored and it's a malicious claim. I'm upset that my mum wants to brush it under the carpet and go on family days out with sil and the kids....

What you're saying is that I am abusive and that's why they all want to hang out together...

You're entitled to your option but that's not the case.

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OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 23:11

@NotbloodyGivingupYetYes but if my suggestion was the case, then that is how OP would perceive them or portray them, at least.