Mum won't accept I don't want someone seeing my child so now I've said my mum can't either.

Please go no contact with your mum OP. You will always have problems with her. She doesn't respect you at all. I went NC with my mum a year ago and now I don't have these crazy dramas and power struggles. When your own mother calls you a bitch, really why do you feel guilty about anything? Your toddler son will soon forget them all. Hugs xxx

Stick to it. Block and ignore.

I’d be tempted to see if there is a way to place a complaint on SIL. Let’s see if she likes it the other way around…

Over my dead body would I let them anywhere near my child & actually I’d write my Will to stop them after I’m gone. Absolutely despicable behaviour, totally unacceptable and unforgivable. Look after yourself @RachCmomma

You are totally right.

I think I'd get a restraining order in all honesty.

This is dreadful. I would go NC with all of them ,they sound dangerous . What if SS had believed them and you had your child taken from you

She's trying to guilt trip you?!
After she tried to libel you as an abusive parent?!

Jesus Christ you don't owe her anything besides a smack!

If you feel brave enough and mentally strong enough I wouldn't engage a solicitor! Can be so costly and often don't turn up with the right papers. You usually have to have a barrister for child related cases and they are horrendously expensive! Let your Mum spend her money on a solicitor but you can go to support groups (Victim support, DV etc) who are well versed in child related court cases and give excellent advice. Get an anti-harassment order in place. The police have to act on that but you need to engage in their process. Also the post about Malicious Communications is spot on. The letter they will receive will put the fear of God in them. In all your dealings with the court make sure everything is centred on your child and what is good for them. They don't listen to anything that is about what the adults want - they will see he's being cared for well and you are concerned about keeping him safe and happy. Good luck.

It’s one thing reporting to SS with a genuine concern but to doctor photos is next level crazy! I’d be worried about the stability of someone like that around my child.

I fell out with a family member who then threatened to make up lies to try and help my ex get full custody. Another family member defended them. I haven’t spoken to either in five years. Never will.

You are in the right.

Reading your updates OP and I'm so sorry, you are absolutely doing the right thing in going NC with your Mum. Narcissists are evil creatures who will try and lie, threaten and manipulate you, and yes, they will employ "Flying Monkeys" to harass and do their dirty work. Given your SIL'S disgusting behaviour you are well shot of them. Protect your little boy ❤

Would you? Then why are you on Mumsnet where we only ever get one side of the story?

The false social services report is a red line. In fact more than a red line. I would not speak to them again, only showing up at their funeral to make sure they were really dead.

Your mum has picked her side, and by condoning that behaviour is an accessory after the fact.

I'd need to hear the other side of the story

People who 'know' me on here know that I'm a big proponent of legal advice so here goes:

If your mum is threatening legal action you really need to speak to a solicitor. We 'non-legals' here can say "Oh, this wouldn't happen" or "Yes, this will happen" and you can say "She was abusive to me so the courts will never allow her access" but you do not know this for a fact. The only way to know what's what is to speak to a person who would know, and that's a solicitor.

Forewarned is forearmed. Don't wait until she's started legal proceedings. Get yourself educated NOW as to what her chances may be and what actions you need to take to prevent it. Don't be caught on the back foot.

@RachCmomma you are in therapy as an adult, learning that a large part of your personality is trauma response and guilt. By being brought up by your mother.

You can break the cycle, and keep your son away from her. She won’t be able to inflict the damage on him that he has already inflicted on you.

Make the most of your support network (friends, sisters, step mum) and stop contact with the toxic influences on your life, as they are already poisoning your son. Stop the poison.

we would all hope that common sense would prevail…

However (just playing devils advocate here) a court/solicitor could argue that if your mum was abusive to you why were you allowing her to spend time unsupervised with your son before the situation blew up with SIL?

I’m glad you’ve got support elsewhere irl though and as you’ve got a good relationship with your stepmum, at least your child will not be missing out on a grandparent-type relationship.

it seems as though going NC with your mum is definitely long overdue.

Do you have any evidence of her abuse op? Any police reports/SS involvement or similar? I think others are right that you should seek guidance from a legal professional and make a log of the harassment from your sil and bil. Your mum may (hopefully) just be making empty threats but it would be good to be prepared.

Plain and simple you tell her clearly that if she continues to ignore your wishes she will not have a relationship with you or your child.

It’s not hard to understand and if she was that worried about losing you she would respect it.

Having social services called on you is no joke and is absolutely disgusting if it was with malicious intent and using fake evidence.

Not automatically but they can apply for a court order to have access which is often granted if it is in the child’s best interests. Also if the child has been seeing them regularly in the past and they are not deemed at risk.

If OP’s mum is seeing a solicitor it is worth covering all bases.

Really glad to see you’re now considering making this report to the police. Agree it’s important to have a record on file.
If your mum does try to get a court order for access to your child, at least you can put a restraining order in place against your SIL seeing him.

Remember @AngelicKaty says
”as you have evidence from Social Services confirming that the photo's were doctored and what they did could be covered by the Malicious Communications Act 1988, particularly since they did it "with the intention to cause distress or harm". The Act makes it a crime to send a communication that is indecent or grossly offensive, a threat, or conveys information that is false and known or believed to be false by the sender, where the purpose is to cause distress or anxiety.“
It may be worth quoting that to the police? And asking them to issue a caution/ warning