MIL buying baby cringey clothing

If it was just the once I’d have taken a pic of the baby wearing the bloody outfit to send to granny and then chucked it into the donation pile. I’d do that once and the rest, forget it. And I wouldn’t dress my baby in that kind of crap by choice either. My baby received a fucking horrible blanket from someone that looked and felt so cheap and flammable it went straight in the bin- honestly felt like the static from it alone could set it alight. There was no label on it to say where it came from which wasn’t reassuring. I’m no snob btw- most of her stuff is secondhand but I won’t buy or accept anything I have doubts about.

Tell her you're worried about safety of clothes grom Temu/shein, you won't use for your baby anymore and send her the links to the risks.

She'll moan about it I imagine, and tell people you're being overly precious, but will hopefully solve the problem. Jusy stick to your guns - hand back any crap she gives you.

I would never put my baby in any clothes which weren't from a reputable retailer or homemade.

I wouldn't buy from Shein/Temu; buy if she is generally a good mil/dgm then just do as pp have said & don't sweat the small stuff. You might need her one day for babysitting for a start! She just sounds excited to for a new baby in the family. Relationships between children & their grandparents can be so special, life's too short to worry about a few baby clothes that you don't like.
In the absence of any other really annoying behaviour it sounds like she just has a different sense of humour to you. Saying they're really passive aggressive/manipulative is a bit of an ott reaction @Commonsense22 🙄.

Just my thoughts but I'm thinking you might come to a better understanding of the larger issue here (if there is one) if you step away from the baby clothes thing for a minute and try to evaluate your MIL objectively, as you might with someone you had no personal connection with.

Starting with that might give you your answers on how to deal with her, that you'll feel good about later and that will minimize problems going forward.

From what you've said, honestly, she strikes me as someone who is possibly not very intelligent, possibly also a bit childish, possibly rather desperately grasping for recognition (attention and/or status), also as someone without much in her life.

If that's how you see her, when you step back and think about it, then she might be someone you'd want to just kind of humor and be kind to. It could be she's just not someone you can expect much from. That she's more needy herself than to be able to be much of a resource for your little family in any way.

Or this could be just a passing quirk of an otherwise more sensible woman. Or she could be more malicious than any of the above and it could be some kind of passive-aggressive competition with you. Or something else entirely.

Anyway, I doubt the baby clothes will be the last issue here so that's where I'd start, pinpointing what type of person you're dealing with here and what that means to you and your new family and your as well as you and your husband's obligations to the larger family. Good luck with it.

There’s a difference between someone buying clothes for your child that you just don’t like (sparkles, frills, cartoon characters, whatever) and someone buying clothes with slogans like that on them.

Buying your DIL baby clothes that say things like “Grandma knows best” or “I’d rather be at Grandma’s” and then pressuring her to dress her baby in them, so that she’s carrying her own child around in clothing that puts her down, is just shitty behaviour.

And that’s without touching the issue of Temu and unsafe materials/contamination. I would bin them and when she asks, tell her that you don’t think the quality is safe and don’t agree with the slogans. She’s not being nice or generous, she’s being weird and possessive.

If you are unable to say something like I don’t like slogans, can you fib and say all the TEMU stuff falls apart in the wash, don’t waste your money or you can send links to things you want to buy etc. then boil wash one of them and show her

Put them on inside out.

My MIL used to buy clothes for my baby that I really hated. They weren’t TEMU level awful in terms of ethics but they just weren’t clothes I would have ever picked. If anyone remembers “tatty teddy” it was that sort of thing. It was my first child who got loads of clothes from my MIL and honestly, it upset me so much more than made sense. I think because I would have loved to have had even 10% of the money she spent on cutesy naff stuff to buy one really nice thing and I felt awful about donating 95% of what she sent. Thankfully she wasn’t local so I’d just put my baby in the clothes she sent, take a picture and then take them straight off and donate or go back to the shop for a credit note if I could. She loved the baby clothes from Boots so I did end up using some of that money on credit notes for nappies etc 🫣

The clothes weren’t that awful really but I haven’t forgotten how upset I was. (Obvs there was other stuff going on that made me upset and if she’d been a lovely MIL in every other way I would probably have embraced anything she brought because I liked/loved her)

Imagine caring more about the feelings of a grown woman than the safety of your 4 month old baby.

Ignore the posters on here OP.

What does your partner say about it? It's his mum so let him be the one to talk to her, not you. Coming from you, it will never have a good outcome.

Yanbu slogan clothes like that are tacky AF and there’s no way I’d put my child in them, not even for photos for MIL. If she ever asks why she hasn’t seen the baby wear them, just say you didn’t really agree with the sentiments expressed and slogan clothing isn’t your taste. Maybe she’ll stop wasting her money.

second hand clothes that were badly faded, obvious boys' clothes

Sorry @ExpatMum41 but neither of these things is actually a problem. Please tell me you didn't throw out perfectly good clothes because they were "faded" and/or not pink and frilly. We need to be more comfortable with making clothes last and not discarding things that aren't quite to our taste.

She might not realise about temu if you tell her or more appropriately her son tells her about the chemicals and safety concerns she might see it differently. I don't like the slogans either, I found clothing like that great for weaning, want to try mushed up broccoli? Put this on, first spag bol, wear this etc but it was just stuff I didn't like rather than from temu

Okay, I answered based on the OP alone and didn't read the follow ups about them being Temu and possibly toxic, disintegrating in the wash, etc. Fair enough. The OP title said 'cringey' clothes, not dangerous, possibly toxic clothes, which is a different matter altogether.

You simply need to tell her the truth. 'MIL I am truly grateful for the gifts but unfortunately whenever I've washed these outfits they've literally shredded to bits after one wash because the fabric is such poor quality. I've also read that Temu uses highly toxic fabrics and it's made me really nervous to put baby in them. I just wanted to let you know so you don't waste your money any more. I know how you'd hate to think they were harming DGC, or that I was forced to put them straight in the bin. Thank you anyway, but it's probably best if you don't buy from the Chinese internet sites any more.'

I'd have a word with her about the Temu quality and safety issues, which might solve the problem.

I'd also try to find a tactful way - or rather better, get your DH to find a tactful way - to say that you are both a bit worried that the slogans seem to be setting up some kind of rivalry between granny and mum, which is not at all how you want your family to be, and you hope that they were just random things that popped up on the internet, rather than an expression of how she actually feels.

He can say lots of nice things about how great she is as a grandma, and how you would love her to be involved with the baby but you need to work as a team, not have this weird idea from the start about granny battling for the baby's affection.

And also press the message that health and safety must always come first. Did she ever apologise or show she realised what she had done with making your dog sick?

No way would I dress my baby in clothes from temu and no way would I dress my baby in clothes with these slogans. I’d accept an ‘I love my grandma’ shirt (not from temu) and happily put the baby in it on occasion, but not any of this grandma knows best bs. I’d also find it really odd because normally they are things other people buy (eg I would not buy an I love my mummy onesie but my dm or dh might)

If she keeps asking at every picture I’d try to make a ‘jokey’ comment about my child not being a human billboard or something but then I’d probably just stop sending her photos, she’s being incredibly rude really, like you haven’t got other things to think about with a 4m old without her criticising you basically for not thinking about her enough. And complaining about clothes when her response to dil sending pics should just be happiness!

I wouldn’t leave my baby with her to faff around with dressing up like a doll for her own vanity either.

I think this is massively inappropriate and weird tbh! It’s almost like she’s preempting how she wants the child to see her and I definitely wouldn’t be putting my little one in the numerous outfits that are being sent! One - fine, half a dozen - absolutely not! My partner’s sister bought our son a cute little auntie one which was lovely and I put him in it and took a photo for her. I think it said something about having a cool aunt (it was a while back) and I thought it was a lovely idea. If she’d continue to send numerous similar pieces with how superior she was I’d have certainly not continued to use them!

If you read all OP's posts, she has done those things and it isn't enough for her MIL.

I can see why it’s annoying but IMO you pick your battles. It clearly brings her a lot of joy. Wash anything before you put baby in it, if it’s highly flammable or whatever just bin it. Put baby in the clothes every once in a while when you’re seeing her.

In terms of her “wanting to be the fun one”, let her! Isn’t that what grandparents are for? Stuffing you full of cookies and buying you things 😂 it’ll be a lovely relationship for your DC.

I say this as a mother of a toddler and soon-to-be newborn btw, I’m not a grandma or a MIL.

Sounds more like she is trying to make a statement rather than it being about clothes if she constantly only buys outfits with these grandmother slogans on. It does sound irritating OP.

OP's MIL nearly killed OP's dog by buying him unsuitable food to make the dog like her:

She did something similar when we got a dog - she kept buying and feeding her copious amounts of treats - handfuls at a time - so dog would love her, and telling all her neighbours that she was the dog’s favourite person in the world. She eventually cut it out when we had a very big vet’s bill from dog getting incredibly sick from some random food she got from the internet and fed to her without our permission (she was on a medicated diet at the time).

The clothes aren't suitable either as OP has said:

Quick clarification on quality: a lot of it is from the website TEMU, which I’m not comfortable with my baby wearing because of concerns about how the clothing is manufactured / lack of regulations. I tried washing one set before use (was going to use them as sleepwear) and they literally disintegrated in the washing machine. It’s not about labels (I don’t buy anything designer, though I prefer organic cotton/wool) but about genuinely low-quality items.

OP has put the clothes on the baby:

I have put baby in said clothing a couple of times when I know I would see MIL, but it’s more that every time I send a photo, she asks why baby isn’t wearing these exact clothes. Once, she even changed baby into them when I was in another room.

MIL is the unreasonable one, not OP.

At this point I think you just have to be equally bullish "baby prefers rainbow stripes" or of she keeps pushing it "it's not to my taste and they are only this little once so I want to soak up every moment of dressing baby while they still let me! Baby is coming over Saturday, you can pick something and have a squeeze then x" or just don't reply to those. Just because she asks a question doesn't mean you need to answer.

And I agree, fuck temu and substandard, ripped off shit.

Do you know anything about Temu and Shein?

If not, I suggest you do some research

They need finding fault with (and it won't take much looking)

I bet they cost about 50p each

Bollocks to that! OP sounds nothing of the kind!!!