Am I being a stroppy princess?

Why on earth does he think he should have a say about where you and your kids live? He’s just the (cock)lodger. If you want to move house then do it. He can either come with you or find his own place.

I’d be surprised he would sell his house and move his son in though if he didn’t see it being a long term thing This is very naïve OP. He’s onto a good deal here. But his son isn’t and your kids aren’t.

Having gone through a separation I am now very minded to keep my finances separate in the future. I think though that him moving in with his son has forced the issue. You are crowded because of this. You are happy now. Most relationships start off happy with no one thinking about what it will be when it goes wrong. I would be very cautious about him putting any money into your house other than bills.

@Namechangeprofessional YANBU, definitely not.

Given that the lifestyle of you and your children was drastically disrupted by the divorce, it's incomprehensible that you would want, again, to make yourself so vulnerable.

Calculate what you could afford, buying on your own, and start looking for a larger property.

Your relationship doesn't need to change but you need to be smart, use your head and protect yourself.

Good luck

What’s he done with his money from the sale? I’d be wary of buying with him tbh unless you can come up with an agreement that will protect your DCs future.

I’d feel like you op. But I’d have said to him it’s a bit squishy here for you to move in, let me know when you feel like us looking together for something we can all live in. Because now it’s much harder.
it is ok to say to him I really feel like this is a bit small for all of us. I can see you disagree but I feel that quite strongly. I don’t regret you moving in but there is a time limit on how long I’m willing to live here with 5 people. Your son will get too big for that box room in a few years too, his friends will tell him how tiny it is, and I won’t make my daughters share.

see what he says. I too would be worried he isn’t interested in committing financially, like others have said.

You have no plans to marry, you said. Have you discussed the future in terms of finances and a possible house purchase?

@Namechangeprofessional whatever he is paying you is going to be far less than he was paying for his own house.

Is he paying half of every single bill? Or is he giving you X amount per month and buying groceries every so often.

Sounds to me like you met him not long after your divorce when you were probably still rebounding and he is grossly taking advantage of you.

I know it must be hard to hear, but have a proper think about how much financially he really puts in to your relationship. It’s not all about money no, but if there is a massive difference it will eventually cause resentment.

Should he have moved into the ops home if he felt this way?

@Namechangeprofessional what @WhereIsMyLight said - maybe time to see where his loyalty lies. Maybe he is scared of commitment but next logical stage could be joint ownership. Otherwise, your house, if you want to move then I would be finding somewhere nearby that you like that meets your needs. I wonder what puts him off moving?

It's your house so you're free to move. Whether or not he goes with you is another matter.......

You aren’t seperating. You are going back to living separately.
Reality is OP you don’t have the same vision or push in life. .
He gave up responsibility /mortgage to live with you. He doesn’t want a family home together.
Sounds like he moved in for all the wrong reasons.

I would move them back out.

I wouldn’t be squashing my kids in for a man and his child if he had no desire to progress. He’s got it good where he is now so no need to spend more money in his eyes.

It’s a 4 bedroom house, each kid has their own room. Hardly living in cramped conditions. OP just wants what she had pre-divorce. We don’t even know that DP is taking advantage, he could be paying half the costs of the household as OP is only saying that it’s good and fair

Would getting an extension be possible eg another rom or two added on be possible?

Don’t overstretch yourself for a bigger house because he and his kid make the house too small. Then you’re stretching yourself needlessly. Any extra cash should go into a pension. If you want extra room the options are he gets a mortgage with you or he moves out. If he says the relationship is over then he will show his true colours.

So his child is in a tiny room with just enough room for a bed and nothing else?

Pp saying op is being used but perhaps he feels like he's just a convenience for op to get a bigger house.

I'd also be interested to know what exactly he is paying for. If it's food and WiFi then he's taking you for a mug.

I'd look at houses that you can afford alone. You never know, you might not be able to get anything nice enough or big enough, which would change your plans anyway, but if you can then you make plans to move alone. IF he decides to come in with you at that point, you can look at bigger/better/nicer houses, if he doesn't then you can move your kids and you and he can have a think about whether he wants to come or not.

But I would wonder whether there might be something going on that means he can't get another mortgage and I'd be asking some pointed questions about whether he's still got the money from the sale of his last house.

I don't see how he thinks he can veto moving house when he doesn't own the house. He does give cocklodger vibes unfortunately and I think you are too in love to see it. He is living with no financial responsibility but thinks he can call the shots whilst not contributing towards housing himself and his son (buying food doesn't count). I think for you and your kids sake, ask him to move out and just see him when you want to. Before you know it he will have a claim towards your house and your kids will be worse off.

Totally agree. He's telling you one thing when it's the complete opposite.

His money pile is growing, as long as you are subsidising him. Which you are.

I mean of course he doesn’t want things to change!

I’d love to be living in a house mortgage free with hundreds of thousands in the bank and my salary just going on some food!