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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a stroppy princess?

281 replies

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 08:39

I’m very happy to be told IABU…

I went through a divorce 4 years ago. Following divorce, I sold my large 5bed family home (very sad) downsized and bought a small new build on my own (with my children). It’s lovely, just on the small side.

Since then, I have climbed the career ladder and I earn very very well. I can afford the mortgage easily now and things are comfortable.

My partner (of 3 years) moved in with me, 18 months ago to my house and sold his. He pays a good contribution towards bills etc (I have no complaints on this, he’s very lovely, generous, buys food etc)

We are all blissfully living happily together. However I do feel a bit squashed in here and have the desire to move in 2-3 years, pool our finances and buy something together. (He also has a son, so there are 5 of us living together in this small new build house)

It’s a nice house, but it feels very busy and gets messy quickly with 3 children.

Partner has no desire to move house. But I feel disappointed that 5 years ago I was living in a very comfortable 5 bedroom with lots of space and garden and now I feel so squashed into a 3 bed new build.

We could get a joined mortgage and easily afford something bigger. But he says he doesn’t want to move again and it’s comfortable here.
I feel like I am being a bit of a princess… This house size wise was fine with myself and two kids. But now there are 5 of us… it fees claustrophobic.

AIBU to say that we need to consider moving. Not urgently, but in the next couple of years at least?

Am I being a stroppy princess?
Perhaps he just doesn’t see a future with me so doesn’t want to tie himself in? (I don’t think this is the case…)

OP posts:
Quiceinalifetime · 14/04/2025 09:25

Your house sounds small for 5 people though at least the kids have separate bedrooms. But if the rooms are the size typical of new builds, maybe they will grow out of them soon? Sorry if I've missed where you said the children's ages, but if they are small now they'll take up more space as they get older, whereas if they are already well into their teens, moving out is only a few years ahead.
The very very good thing about staying put is that if the worst happened, DP and his son could move out and you wouldn't have any practical problems (just emotional ones).
Perhaps the most worrying thing about his refusal to move is his disinclination to take seriously your wish for a bit more space.

LoopyLouLaLa · 14/04/2025 09:25

I’d be surprised he would sell his house and move his son in though if he didn’t see it being a long term thing.

thats very naive! He’s got a sweet deal living rent free. He could have put the equity of the house in for investment and each month’s salary into a pension. Securing a future for himself.

It is zero commitment to you living rent free and buying some groceries.

ERthree · 14/04/2025 09:24

O.P your allowing your heart to rule your head here.

greengreyblue · 14/04/2025 09:24

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:21

Your second paragraph is interesting. Perhaps I do need to have a chat to him about financial commitment being an issue.

We don’t have plans to marry. (No need)

Buying a house together isn’t a life long commitment. But it’s a fairly long-medium term commitment. So maybe he just doesn’t want this. (I’d be surprised he would sell his house and move his son in though if he didn’t see it being a long term thing.)

Show quote history

But he has t made any commitment. He can leave at any point due to his house sale proceedings sitting in his bank and his lack of legal tie to you or your house.

Endofyear · 14/04/2025 09:23

Well it's your house so if you want to sell it and buy something bigger, he can't do anything about that can he? The bigger issue is why he doesn't want to buy a place together. Does he not see a long term future for the relationship?

Userdawg · 14/04/2025 09:22

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greengreyblue · 14/04/2025 09:22

He needs to listen and at the very least hear what your goals are otherwise why would you want to be with someone like that? I’d rather be alone… with more space in my house and my bed!

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:21

Lurkingandlearning · 14/04/2025 09:03

I don't think wanting a comfortable home for you and your children makes you a stroppy princess. Your house was big enough for your family until you allowed him and his son to move in. I think your solution to that problem is a bit misguided. I'm sure if you found the money to buy a bigger house without him him having to chip in, he would be more than happy to move.

He doesn't want to make a greater financial commitment to your relationship than the groceries he buys. To me that isn't living together commitment. Just tell him you aren't happy with 5 people in the house and ask him to live elsewhere. You don't have to end the relationship, tons of couples live separately. But don't be surprised if he says it will be a deal breaker because he currently has a rather sweet deal.

Your second paragraph is interesting. Perhaps I do need to have a chat to him about financial commitment being an issue.

We don’t have plans to marry. (No need)

Buying a house together isn’t a life long commitment. But it’s a fairly long-medium term commitment. So maybe he just doesn’t want this. (I’d be surprised he would sell his house and move his son in though if he didn’t see it being a long term thing.)

OP posts:
LoopyLouLaLa · 14/04/2025 09:20

MammaTo · 14/04/2025 09:16

He’s got a cushy number, sold his house and presumably kept the equity that he had from it and is now living mortgage/rent free in your place and pays for the food shopping.

If you did buy a house together or separately, I’d speak to a solicitor to see if there’s any protections you’d need to put in place for yourself and your home.

This.

you are so obviously being used and you can’t see it.

Userdawg · 14/04/2025 09:19

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Newnamehiwhodis · 14/04/2025 09:19

If you need space, you need space. I don’t feel like judging yourself for that and calling yourself derogatory names is very kind to yourself - your feelings are valid.
those words - “stroppy princess” - do those come from you, or are they his words? Is he behaving in any way like your desire to have more space is unreasonable?

It’s not at all unreasonable.

this is your life. You don’t need to feel claustrophobic and crowded.

TwentyTwentyFive · 14/04/2025 09:19

Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:18

But we are happy in our relationship. So we don’t want to separate…(?)

Show quote history

How can you be happy with someone who is so obviously taking advantage of you?

Original poster
Namechangeprofessional · 14/04/2025 09:18

Shinyandnew1 · 14/04/2025 09:09

This house size wise was fine with myself and two kids. But now there are 5 of us… it fees claustrophobic.

So, he moves out and you are comfortable in your house again.

But we are happy in our relationship. So we don’t want to separate…(?)

OP posts:
Userdawg · 14/04/2025 09:18

This reply has been deleted

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MammaTo · 14/04/2025 09:16

He’s got a cushy number, sold his house and presumably kept the equity that he had from it and is now living mortgage/rent free in your place and pays for the food shopping.

If you did buy a house together or separately, I’d speak to a solicitor to see if there’s any protections you’d need to put in place for yourself and your home.

Vaxtable · 14/04/2025 09:14

If you have been through one divorce why would you want to tie yourself to someone again. Someone who does not have the same goals as you and why would he? He’s moved in to your house pays a bit of money job done. By buying together he will have to fork out more

personally if it’s squashed you have two options tell him and his child to move out but you still see each other or you buy somewhere bigger on your own, make sure you are fully protected so he can’t claim anything so when it goes wrong you are left with the house

Userdawg · 14/04/2025 09:13

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greengreyblue · 14/04/2025 09:13

He’s sitting on the sale proceeds of his house op while you pay the mortgage! Be very careful. He could claim part of your house in a split situation if he can prove he has been contributing. I would want something formal drawn up to protect you and your chn.

ThejoyofNC · 14/04/2025 09:12

Tell him you're moving, he can protest all he wants but the reality is that he's living in your house and so doesn't get a say in such matters.

Of course he doesn't want the financial burden of a mortgage, he's onto a great thing and would have to actually pay up.

Flopsy145 · 14/04/2025 09:11

Just say you'll be moving one way or another. It's your house you're in so it's your decision. So he knows he either pools his finances with you and buy something bigger that you both own, or you buy another house by yourself and his contributions go up.

Pussycat22 · 14/04/2025 09:11

Lurkingandlearning · 14/04/2025 09:03

I don't think wanting a comfortable home for you and your children makes you a stroppy princess. Your house was big enough for your family until you allowed him and his son to move in. I think your solution to that problem is a bit misguided. I'm sure if you found the money to buy a bigger house without him him having to chip in, he would be more than happy to move.

He doesn't want to make a greater financial commitment to your relationship than the groceries he buys. To me that isn't living together commitment. Just tell him you aren't happy with 5 people in the house and ask him to live elsewhere. You don't have to end the relationship, tons of couples live separately. But don't be surprised if he says it will be a deal breaker because he currently has a rather sweet deal.

Well put.🌹

CuriousKangaroo · 14/04/2025 09:11

Of course you want to move, OP. You bought a house the right size for 3 people and now 5 people live in it!

And your partner has got himself a fantastic deal, hasn’t he? Released a load of cash from his home, and now just has to pay food and bills but no mortgage or rent so is saving loads of money too. No wonder he wants things to stay the same…

Userdawg · 14/04/2025 09:10

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ForFunGoose · 14/04/2025 09:10

What ages are the children?
we up sized to give everyone space but lost a lot of our disposable income with a bigger mortgage. I would stay where you are OP

Shinyandnew1 · 14/04/2025 09:09

This house size wise was fine with myself and two kids. But now there are 5 of us… it fees claustrophobic.

So, he moves out and you are comfortable in your house again.