Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel generally WTF by the way DH thinks

131 replies

gollyimholly · 14/04/2025 02:21

Firstly this isn't a super serious thread where I am annoyed with DH or anything.

Sometimes my head cannot do the mental gymnastics to come to the same conclusion or decision DH has about something.

Examples include:

  • currently sorting out car insurance. We share the car and the car is registered under my name. This time last year I was on maternity leave and so I was classed as "employed". I am now a SAHM and so the insurance is higher if I am the named driver. DH suggested we transfer the car to his name and make him the named driver as that makes the policy cheaper. And then if I go back to work next year, register the car in my name again and then make me the named driver. This would save a matter of £80ish a year. I do not think it's worth it.
  • our DD is 2. We are talking about different things we can do to save money for her. When talking about premium bonds, DH suggested we buy the maximum amount of premium bonds allowed. So far so good. And then if there are any winnings, to put them in a current account for DD so that "when she's 10, and wants to buy something like colouring pens, she can pay for it with that money". I'm sorry but, don't parents just pay for whatever their children need without putting it in a specific account for that child?
  • to not use the dishwasher because it is more time consuming from loading the dishes to taking out clean dishes than it is to wash them by hand
  • DH's one big dream is that DD gets into Oxbridge. DH said Oxbridge prefer state secondary schools and not private school students so DD should go to state school. I have no issues with DD going to state school but for that to be the single reason to send them is IMO a bit silly.

AIBU to feel a bit nonplussed by DH's thought processes or do they sound quite typical?

OP posts:
Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 14/04/2025 03:45

Wrt. Money- if you’re not earning I’m not sure you get to judge him saving £80. It may not seem a lot to you but he is the one who you and your dd are depending on.

nice problem to have, 50k spare to max out premium bonds. I also don’t think it’s a bad idea to give your child their own money and teach them about spending money and budgeting early on. So I’m with him there as well.

i hate washing by hand so not using a dishwasher is madness.

as for private school, surely that decision will be made as your child grows. If your child is genuinely bright enough for oxbridge then as long as state is half decent she’ll do as well there as private. If she’s not particularly academic chances are she won’t get the grades at state and private would be a better choice.

Pandimoanymum · 14/04/2025 03:31

Not wanting to waste £80 seems logical to me, As is the dishwasher thing, he obviously thinks he can do it faster by hand then fair enough.
What is weird is deciding your child should go to Oxbridge. She’s only 2, that’s nuts. And he has no idea if she’ll even want to go to university never mind get into Oxbridge. He’s not going to be one of those awful pushy parents who force their child to do what he wants, is he?

theculture · 14/04/2025 03:31

I kind of agree about the dishwasher - especially as my DH gets stressed if the plates aren’t rinsed before putting in!

Semiramide · 14/04/2025 03:30

I can see exactly where you're coming from and it all makes sense.

However, I put it to you that it may be a case of 'pick your battles'...

Ask me how I know...

TheSandgroper · 14/04/2025 03:27

My perfectly square DH has some really weird ideas sometimes, usually with him completely losing perspective over little details. Or about human nature and other people’s behaviour and how to prevent any inconvenience or cost to him. Again, no level of reasoning with perspective.

I have wondered sometimes if I really know him, if one uses the metric of “you are what you say “.

weirdwalking · 14/04/2025 02:31

Sounds mostly typical to me.

Re the car insurance you do t need to be the owner to be the main driver anyway so just swap that around and save the money!