To feel generally WTF by the way DH thinks

Posted too soon - was going to add, more importantly, he shouldnt be putting this pressure on your daughter to go to Oxbridge, even if he doesn't tell her. He shouldn't be telling you. If it's his private dream, he should keep it private.

1. £80 is £80. If he wants to do the work and save the money, seems fair. If it takes him 2 hours of admin that's £40 an hour.
2. The principle is fine, it's the "like colouring pens" part. if it's "she wants something that we don't feel is worth the money so won't buy her, she can use that" then its fine.
3. Surely personal choice. When he washes up, if he prefers doing it by hand, that's up to him, and its up to you how you do it. If he is including elapsed time as a time cost though, that makes no sense - you are not sitting watching the dishawasher.
4. His thinking is skewed. Those who go to private schools get better results; therefore Oxbridge admissions value AAAA from a private school less highly than AAAA from a state school, as it was harder to achieve for a child at a state school. The whole idea is to even it out so the most able get in whatever school they go to. This is not a criterion to choose a school on.

Because she's not earning she's not allowed an opinion on her own car??

I think your DH will find out that by the time your dd is uni age, she’ll make her own decisions about her future.

Can't see any problems with what DH wants m £80 is still an extra £80 so why not? Dishwashers are expensive to run too,, although I have to admit it's my dream to have one, but it's not really a big deal to wash up.
Premium bonds sound a good idea and if your DD does have her own money you can teach her about budgeting and saving which will help her in the long run.
But going to Oxford is ridiculous. She's 2. She might not want to go to university or get the grades. That's what I'd take issue with. I'd seriously have to ask him what happens if she doesn't go to university.

Does he just annoy you in general? Apart from the Oxbridge thing, I don't see the issue.

I agree with him on each of those examples. Doesn't mean he is right, but that each views are valid.

You are what you do. What many of us say is an unreliable guide to who we are.

Yes I would find some of these things a bit odd as well.

Re car insurance...you need to be honest about who the main driver actually is, or its fraud (if you say its your husband but its actually you). They can question you in an accident and if you let slip that your husband gets the train/ drives a different car to work every day then it invalidates your insurance. I don't think it's worth risking that for 80 quid

I'd really question his decision-making processes tbh. The Oxbridge thing is simply not correct and is certainly not a reason to make educational decisions about your TWO year old child's life. I hope he responds well if you say 'let's dig into this a bit more' because it sounds as if you may have to a lot...

Then again I think saving £80 is well worth it, if that's actually correct.

It sounds as if you may have very different childhood financial experiences. Though I did have a friend whose mum got her to save half her pocket money in the Post Office every week (they got a pound a week so 50p into savings). She is still great with money now. Maybe he means something like that?

Hang on, does “more time consuming from loading the dishes to taking out clean dishes than it is to wash them by hand” mean he’d rather eg spend an hour washing up than 10 mins loading, 2 hours ‘waiting’ and 10 mins unloading? Cos that IS weird thinking and makes me wonder if he’s actually shirking.

£80 savings a year - great!

Mix of investment, some premium bonds some liquid current account to teach money management - great! It’s just a fancier version of pocket money, isn’t it?

Dishwasher vs hand wash - just preference innit!

You both lost me at the Oxbridge logic. You don’t send kids to state school to get them into Oxbridge, you send them there because private is for Tory cunts!

None of these are mind-bending weirdness or big leaps of logic, he just has different opinions to you.

I wondered about not using the dishwasher recently but a friend suggested rinsing it, then putting it on a shorter 30 min wash. I found this works just as well as the 3.30mim eco wash for non baked on dishes. (Baked on things I do soak in utility room sink during the day and generally they are ok on the shorter wash, or I wash them up separately).

but if he’s really that set on not using it then I’d say he washes, dries and puts away the dishes!

the car it would just be the insurance you would need to change, not the ownership.

the child, around age 10/11 they will want to go out with their friends and will want to go shopping etc, don't see the issue there

dishwasher - i'd give anything for a dishwasher, i used to have one and its much easier and quicker and more convenient.

The only thing that is especially werid is the Oxbridge thing. Far too much pressure and controlling what is she wants to do medicine, a degree which has a better course some or doesn’t want to go to uni.

Yes I was going to say this as well, people forget that premium bonds do not grow in value.

This reminds me of the times dh would drive us around the town searching for 2 for 1 pub meals. We were both earning decent money at the time too. So cringey, gave me the ick.

"Husband doesn't come to exactly the same conclusion about everything as his wife. MN, is he a wrong'un?"

I work in a very good university and can see the damage it does when parents have a rigid dream for their kids. If he voices this and your kid doesn’t get in she will feel so much shame. Or she will do something she doesn’t want to do as the message becomes ‘I only love you if you go to oxbridge’

You have different ways of thinking about things. That's just normal. I happen to agree with your DH re the car insurance. You say it's not worth the bother to save £80, but it would take just a couple of phone calls (and I suspect he'd be the one doing that!) As for putting money away so your daughter could buy things herself, that would teach her some valuable things about managing finances.

He does sound a bit daft and that would grate on me

We are so well off that we can chuck £80 a year away without thinking about it, and have £50k spare to pop into Premium Bonds, and can afford Private School but probably won’t bother, and, can afford for be to be a SAHM.

…. however my biggest problem is how someone uses a Diahwasher

First World Problems…

My observations are:

1. if you have the type of money sitting aside to just whack £50k in bonds for your daughter at 2yrs old, then why are you quibbling over £80? Most households would switch to save the money but as you’re clearly extremely wealthy, I would bother.

2. You both sound intense. Your 2yr old daughter in Oxbridge? She may end up being a C/D grade kid. The vast majority of children aren’t eligible for Oxbridge so I find it a bit funny that you’re already arguing over what secondary she’d need when you literally know nothing about a child’s intelligence and abilities at 2 yrs old. Try to live in the moment.

3. bank account for pens etc. I think it’s a lovely idea to teach your child the value of money, especially if you’re wealthy and she otherwise may get a warped view. Letting her manage the small purchases at 10 is a great way to build responsibility.

These are all just normal discussions and disagreements. No mental gymnastics required.

He sounds identical to a Chinese man who I nannied for. He would become fixated on quite unusual things and his ideas about what his children should/shouldn't do.

But it was like those ideas were based on a TV show he watched or something someone said 20 years ago that he has been convinced about ever since (despite being in the UK for ages).

He was interesting to understand and communicate with.

Your DH sounds logical and sensible.

Why would you not save £80?

Why would you not watch to teach your daughter the value of money?