To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

I never said they're hardly better off or almost on a par with those on NMW. You're just making stuff up. I said they're on a bit more than double the NMW. But we constantly read on MN that the NMW isn't a living wage and that people on that salary can't cope without UC top-ups etc. So a household income of roughly 2x that (and again, the DH is a higher rate taxpayer) is a decent income, but hardly untold riches is it? It's double the minimum. Or Alternatively, if it is untold riches then why are OP's aspirations unrealistic?

None of this is to say that the OP doesn't need to examine how she and her DP spend their money, BTW.

This link takes you to gov.uk https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/percentile-points-from-1-to-99-for-total-income-before-and-after-tax
You can download load the spreadsheet showing income by %.
It only goes up to 2023 because it takes time to get the data.
In 2023 £99k was top 4%.

So top 10% is not a misrepresentative figure.

OP given your mortgage is ok and you jave no childcare costs… things should be quite as tight as you say.

The reality is that everything is getting more expensive, so if your wages aren’t increasing at the same pace you are going to feel your lifestyle is getting worse.

I think working in a part time job earning £20k is probably a bit of a luxury in this climate.

I’ve got £390k mortgage and pay £440pcm - people need to do a lot more shopping around and use mortgage brokers.

Interest only?

It does seem odd that you can only afford the basis on your income.

I can understand how it feels like you have no idea where your money goes, we bring in a bit less and never have as much money as we should and our mortgage is less than £800.

We do however have some childcare costs, 3 cars, holidays, pets and we can eat out as a family maybe once a month although we don't usually.

I am a fritterer, spend money on all kinds of non essentials so that's where our money goes.

ETA...

Do a spreadsheet to see where all your money is going, you will be surprised how it all adds up!

Is there a chance DH gambles?

Fuck me 🤦🏻‍♀️

you have had the great advice to sit down and track all your expenditure in a spreadsheet. Your mortgage is absolutely humongous but in theory you should still have 50% of your earnings left after bills. While you are spreadsheeting try and pinpoint any lifestyle creep, things like subscriptions add up, kids hobbies (my son does 5 clubs its over £100 a month), in game currency, hair cuts etc

This must be a pre-2022 interest only mortgage?

Otherwise not possible.

How will you pay off the capital?

There are plenty of part time roles that pay better than £20k. Can you at least look online and see what’s available on your industry/skill set? Lots of remote working available now.
Are you sure? I’ve just been job-hunting and the fully remote roles are like hen’s teeth – upwards of 500 applications. Most places want a minimum of a day in the office, more usually 40%. I just calculated two job offers and the 0.8 one paying £10k more worked out at only £30 more pm once you factored in travel costs and additional childcare. The 0.6 roles all worked out at roughly £20k and with less flexibility than it sounds like the OP needs. Wages have stagnated and it’s an employer’s market right now.

I think if OP needs to remain self-employed for flexibility, she needs to recognise that that’s a benefit – instead of “we’ve got no money left each month” it should be “we can afford for me to be part-time”. And I reckon a bit of looking at bank statements would uncover the frittering here and there – coffees, top-up shops, ice creams – that adds up to a chunk each month.

It’s not a question of guilt tripping the OP but rather than money is being wasted somewhere. OP needs to sit down and examine all outgoings and budget accordingly. Whinging on mumsnet achieves nothing.

We have a mortgage of over 1500 per month with childcare fees of almost the same and managed to save something on a wage of that and we aren’t careful with money. Check your privilege.

I live in a nice town in NE and have a large three bed semi. I bought it about ten years ago. It's old, solid as fuck and costs me less than £700 a month. It used to be £450 until rates went up when I remortgaged. Purchase price was 130k and my mortgage is about 110 now. That said, out of a take home of about 3k a month I have very little left. Two teens just eat (literally) my income.

Yes, I was in a very decent salary and just committed to more things! Expensive holidays, study etc. My role was made redundant before Xmas so we are living on a lower income and I’ve reduced my salary expectations. I just feel like you live to your means so having more money doesn’t really mean you are better off!

These comments are so irritating

They also show how many don't understand the tax system or the impact of additional benefits.

Except they're not getting £96k, even on the "low" months and other months are bringing in £120k.

The higher salary gets taxed more because it is high, it doesn't make them worse off or even remotely on par than those earning less than half.

Also, why are you adding UC on top of the minimum wage household as if everyone on nmw automatically gets it when that is absolutely not the case?

I'm sorry but saying a household bringing in almost £120k most months are "hardly any better off" than a nmw household makes no sense.

I'm not saying op doesn't have high costs to look at or anything, but making out it's obvious they're struggling because they're almost on par with people earning the minimum, when they are in the top range of salaries, is just ridiculous.

@Justonemorecurlywurly we’re very similar. Combined income of about £110k I think. Good news is we still qualify for free hours with childcare as me and dh earn similar but even with that, it’s difficult. Like you our mortgage is around 2k a month but we love our house and it’s in an area we love and have family so that’s an expense I see as worthwhile. The killer is the water bill and council tax!!

@MikeRafone but there is no nuance to that? Not everyone is on PAYE for a start

https://ifs.org.uk/toolsanddresources/wheredooyoufitt_in#tool-results-section

The above is a much more accurate calculator because it's post tax.

and wait till you include housing costs.

Nonsense 😂

I doubt you would even get that repayment on an interest only mortgage, and in that case you would be stupid to be bragging about how low your mortgage is when you aren’t actually paying it off.

Even so surely that’s a good amount under 2k a month? Ours is only slightly lower and our payment is 1900 due to needing to stay on the variable rate because we’re selling.

I definitely understand that even 100k in the south doesn’t stretch as far as some people think but it sounds like your bills are actually relatively affordable for the income so you shouldn’t struggle to afford some luxuries.

Yes but over double the minimum wage is still an incredibly high income, it's in the top 10% at least?!

@FiveWhatByFiveWhat can you link
to what says this?

I think your issue is your salary, OP.

There are plenty of part time roles that pay better than £20k. Can you at least look online and see what’s available on your industry/skill set? Lots of remote working available now.

Also you MUST have a pension. If you’re low waged see if you can join something like NEST or go on MSE and look up the best value SIPPs that you don’t need much money to open. You get Govt tax relief which on your earnings would be another 20% added to your pot each month. Even if you just put in £20 a month that’s better than nothing.

A SIPP where you choose to spread your investments over 4 medium risk funds tracking the FTSE should be safe and will mean you don’t need to actively manage it if you’re unsure how DC pensions work. But you must have one - don’t rely on DH’s. Do ask DH to check what type of pension he has though and if he has spousal benefits or has named you as his beneficiary.

We’re on less than you (about 85k between us, both full time), have a three bed house in the south east and one in nursery. We have a Europe holiday and a couple of UK breaks a year, the occasional take away, don’t feel like we particularly have to limit ourselves though we are struggling to save at the moment after a few unexpected costs. I really don’t understand how you can be doing so badly on that much money, you must not be budgeting properly.

I’m in the tiny violin camp I’m afraid. You don’t need two cars so stop complaining you only have one. A foreign holiday is a luxury. A 4 bed house is not modest. Reset your expectations and you might see you are doing ok.

Plus how much is spent on food and drink in and out of the house.

Groceries
Top up shops
Coffees/lunches while at work
Quick pint after work
Coffee and cake/sandwiches while out and about at the weekend.

All can add up massively and include quite a large component of 'extras' that could be reduced if you're wanting to free up money for other things.

This

was going to work it out but you have

to have £2/3k EXTRA over from paying bills and food is amazing

and again more left over than what I earn a month

so I really can’t understand where that money is going and why can’t save /have a holiday