To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

There are so many good private day schools that are less than that, the average is nowhere near 100k a year for 3.

They could be saving 30k a year now just from not sending preschoolers to paid nursery with a sahm. A few years of that starts to create a large float to top up the schools fees.

RE childcare: they mainly go different days, we always have at least one home, they go to church groups/ clubs/ national trusts / meet baby friends etc on the days they don’t go, just all alternating

to the person that says move north: there is a high pressure and job insecurity at that level of pay, anywhere we move needs to have access to similar jobs. The north doesn’t have that and if it was needed to be in London for the next then it would mean 10k/yr commuting (20k pre tax).

@Justonemorecurlywurly does DH pay into pension as well as employer? Only, I think I read if you go over £100k salary (or lower salary plus bonus) you lose tax free allowance. If he pays more into a pension you might be able to end up slightly better off as usually contributions are made before tax and then you are taxed on the remainder. There are various tax calculators you could use to check whether he’s hit that point. Might be worth looking into.

I image you've been given a lot of budgeting advice - and to track what and when you are spending.

One tip though - have a saving account for hoilday and chuck £50 - or more in there and do it every month - till you have enough to book a hoilday even if it takes a few years - they money there in absolute emergency but otherwise it's earmarked for a hoilday and doesn't get lost in day to day spending.

We have pots all over for various things - hoilday fund, replacement laptop - general savings. Also try and build savings -especially for the kids little and often - otherwise when shit hits you have no choice but to go into debt and when kids get to teen years uni costs loom and other starting out on life costs.

We don't have your income but live in a cheaper part of the country and there have been times when money had been painfully tight. We worked hard educationally and been very sensible and if you told us our income when we were kids we'd have thought it huge - it's much better than our parents but feel we are struggling to be on par with them as same age.

The reality is 250k does actually fund a very nice house, private school and holidays.

It's a take home of 144k a year - realistically that would be a struggle to fund 3 dc through private school though as that would be 90-100k plus

100% this. Do not underestimate the value of bouyant employment with well paid, highly skilled jobs. It’s not just great for you, but it’s a privilege to bring your children up in such places and give them so much opportunity.

I think it’s a bit selfish to take that all away from them when you can give it to them, just because it allows the parents to relax about money more.

Do they go on separate days or the same days?

I think you’ve embarrassed yourself more with this post than the husband of your friend has tbh.

I don’t think anyone is missing the point though, you spend 2.5k on childcare when you stay at home and then you say you don’t spend on any luxuries.
You could put them into free preschool, sign them up to a few bougie classes a week in a private members club and probably still pocket more than 1.5k a month.
The reality is 250k does actually fund a very nice house, private school and holidays.

And whilst moving up north for me for example would be feasible work wise for me and cheaper it would tie me to my job.
Where we live is employment is buoyant, lots of job opportunities, fast trains in to two different cities with another railway line being built, close to the motorway and main dual carriageway, most of my daughters 6th form are easily able to find work at 16yrs. And these are not just opportunities for me, this is a great place for my children to start their working lives so no I wouldn't consider taking that away from them. However it is an expensive place to live because of this.

I could earn double my salary in sales or more but it would not be much use as I would likely get sacked for being crap!

I genuinely don’t understand why you have (or have done, but that’s a different question) so many qualifications that don’t translate into salary. Surely they’re unrelated to your career if they don’t lead to promotion/ more money and were done for interest, basically?

Surely you can’t be surprised that qualifications with no financial rewards…. Gave you no financial reward?

Absolutely bonkers, when they can socialise plenty in play groups etc and you could save 1.5 of that instead of 2-300 per month in long term savings and use the other 1k for holidays. I earn 50k and save the same as you and go on holidays @QuickTyper 2.5k on childcare when you are home is ridiculous!!sorry!

I'm sure you could manage a holiday if you adjusted your expectations and saved monthly specifically for it. There are many posts on here about budget holiday options that are still fun, relaxing and great for family bonding.

life is crazy expensive right now.

The depressing thing is the fact it won't get any cheaper. I really don't see how tax & utilities won't keep increasing.

Can you afford to work PT if you feel you're that skint?

Move up north. You’ll get all of that for your salary. You said earlier you could do your job anywhere. Honestly there are some lovely places you could move to where that salary will give you a very pleasant life.

@Fleurchamp yes lots of my colleagues are in 1.2-1.5m houses despite not having astronomical salaries. But because they are older they got on the ladder in the late 90s/early 00s.

@theresapossuminthekitchen If I’d gone into a different professional career when I left uni with the qualifications I had ... and progressed into management, as I have in teaching, then I’d be earning double what I earn now.

Yup, same here. We don't live in a meritocracy, unfortunately, which means I earn just about £50K, with more qualifications and professional qualifications - most of which I've paid for myself - than you can shake a stick at, yet the DH of one of my friends works in 'sales and marketing' for a bloody coffee company and earns around 3-4 times more and works a 35 hour week. Not that I'd want his socially pointless job, though 😂I'd feel embarrassed.

I think some people missing my point - I agree childcare a luxury, and one we’d cut if needed, were making a choice based on belief in what’s best for the children. You don’t have to agree with that, but our time and money goes toward what we see as most important: our children, hence the focus in where we spend, house (stability and safety), no holidays.

as in my original post, I’m not posting a sob story, but in line with OPs original post, life is crazy expensive right now. If you asked me 10 yrs ago when we had less than half this, what 250k / yr would mean, I would have said huge house, private school, holidays.

You should have paid off your mortgage by then and should have equity in your home to sell and buy somewhere smaller and cheaper. I’m sure it’ll be okay! But yes, cost of living and interest rates really are f*cking shit

@greengreyblue I'm in London & was replying in context to that poster. Again you need to stop extrapolating.

you can see inner London here

neu.org.uk/advice/your-rights-work/pay-advice/pay-scales/pay-scales-england#leadership

Lots of us are struggling right now just to pay essentials. It’s depressing and feels hopeless.

But try to count your blessings. You’re buying your own home and gaining equity. You’ll have it all paid for in the end and be housing-cost free later in life. Lots of us will be renting for the rest of our lives, even in retirement. That’s if we can afford it and landlords will take us. Otherwise, we’re facing homelessness.

And most of us have to do up our homes ourselves. As long as your home is safe and healthy, it doesn’t need to be perfect. Health is the most important thing. Anyone who’s had a perfect home and amazing lifestyle, then lost a partner or child to cancer etc, will tell you they’d trade it all for their loved one’s health.

Yes - this is me. Similar to @QuickTyper but we both work.
London house - 4 bed terrace, nicer than average but in no means a mansion - £1.5m. We are older so have risen up the housing ladder over 20yrs.
If we hadn't we simply wouldn't be able to afford our house, even on £250k. Next door is an older couple - in their 70's - one was a teacher and the other a civil servant. Bought in the 1980's. Those jobs would get you 1/3 of the house now.
Our mortgage is £1,300 and so, yes, we do have disposable income but younger couples must be paying 3x that for the same house.

But at the time of the rate hike, there were a lot of very smug people on here telling everyone they should have accounted for such a rate interest.

Oh yes, they all knew it was coming 🙄