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AIBU?

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LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
myplace · 13/04/2025 21:59

Is he different in public? I felt like I’d simply become invisible and he could carry on regardless of someone else being present.

Might be worth remarking that if he behaves like that at work, people will be revolted by his bad manners.

ShouldIEvenBother · 13/04/2025 21:57

Is it only him, or have you noticed it with other people or in other environments? If other folks and environments are not irritating you then the issue is him I should think. As a poster upstairs has also mentioned - you may also have the ick. I wonder if he would quieten down if you "offered" to record him so he can hear for himself what he sounds like!

SamDeanCas · 13/04/2025 21:56

How old is he? My DH is in his 60s and I’ve definitely started to notice him being noisier, his sneezes are horrendously loud, even the dogs get upset, it’s like he literally shouts them out. Also he sniffs when he eats, it’s like he has a cold and can’t breath through his nose, and don’t even get me started o. The noises he makes when he moves, gives me the rage just thinking about it.

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

gamerchick · 13/04/2025 21:53

He's probably always been slightly irritating but we can block it out. Then when they start getting on our nerves a bit we get extra sensitive to their habits. Not sure what the answer is though. Once an ick sets in it just gets worse.

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:52

Thanks everyone. I don't think I'm more sensitive to noise than usual, though I used to really struggle with the sound of my grandad eating due to his dentures thudding!

He definitely walks much more heavily than he used to. The drinking noises are new- he never used to slurp or smack like that. He's always been a loud sneezer, and maybe I am more tuned into it because I'm on edge for noise. I might have to try those loop earplug things.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 13/04/2025 21:50

You could just have the ick.

It sounds like everything he’s doing is annoying you and you’re super sensitive to it.

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

Anyotherdude · 13/04/2025 21:48

Get yourself tested for misphonia, then get his hearing checked. Either of you may have had some hearing changes if this has come on quite suddenly. Ask for his support and support him, too.
Good luck!🍀

vincettenoir · 13/04/2025 21:45

It’s possible that your DH has got louder. But it’s also possible that you have developed an increased sensitivity to noise. It can happen with ND and tinnitus and there are other causes. It might be worth exploring that if you haven’t already.