Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
ASimpleLampoon · 14/04/2025 17:55

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

I agree, it's male attention seeking.

11thofNever · 14/04/2025 17:54

I swear men that age just change suddenly being more noisy
Not all do. My DD never did this, he was polite and a gentleman. The men who do this are selfish imo.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/04/2025 17:52

It's outrageous! I know exactly what you mean, especially the sneezes. All our cats run out of the room when my DH sneezes.

He is 50 this year and has noticeably got louder over the last 18 months or so.

Everything he does seems at 2 or 3 the normal level of volume.

We were in a hotel the other month and I had a bath with the bathroom door open. I had to phone him because he was watching something on his phone so loudly that I couldn't hear my phone and he couldn't hear me yelling to ask him to turn it down.

He doesn't seem to have any hearing issues at all, just an increasing lack of awareness to his noise. I don't know how to describe it...

coupebaby · 14/04/2025 17:45

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 22:03

I haven't had the same feeling or reaction to anyone else- despite a week with my family over Christmas and a week with his family in February, where I was with others for longer.

@myplace that's a good point. When we go out for dinner, he doesn't drink in the same way and never burps or sniffs like he does at home. Maybe he's just got really comfortable now?

In terms of age, we both turned 50 last year.

I was actually going to say I bet he’s late 40’s/50 😂 I swear men that age just change suddenly being more noisy. I remember my dad being like that and now my OH is the same the past year or 2 and he’s 51 now. Sucks the drink out of the can and slurps it down, I even asked him why was he drinking like my dad drinks cans and he said it makes it last longer….Ummm ok if you say so 🤨 The heavy foot stomping, coughing, nose blowing and all the other bodily over emphasised noises he makes, especially when the whole house is still asleep, just seems attention seeking, he even starts talking to me at a normal level when I’m still asleep and tapping really heavily on the laptop as if he’s trying to waken the ASD kid in the bed beside us who wakens me numerous times a night while he’s snoring oblivious to anything going on!! I genuinely believe it’s a change in them with age.

Emmz1510 · 14/04/2025 17:43

I would keep pulling him for it OP to the point he has no choice but to have a word with himself, especially for the behaviours that are downright rude and socially unacceptable.
’Could you please not burp like that or at least do it quietly and cover your mouth, it’s so rude and really unattractive’.
‘Is it really necessary to slurp your drink so loudly?’
’Do you realise how loud you are stomping around/closing doors/slamming stuff down?’.

When he says he is getting a hard time just for existing, tell him yes he is, because he needs to exist more quietly and that level of noise is just not normal.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 14/04/2025 17:39

Video him doing it and play it back. He may not realise how loud he is being.

Watermill · 14/04/2025 17:26

Oh dear. I remember this stage very well. I would have to leave the room when XH was eating. The sounds suddenly gave me raging misophonia.

You’ve got the ick @goingdeafithink

How is the relationship in general? Are you still intimate? My home life descended into something resembling the end credits of the Benny Hill show, with me running away from XH advances…

Mh67 · 14/04/2025 17:20

You are literally living with my hubby. Just add constant grunting to the list and they are twins. You have my sympathies

Chorusgirl · 14/04/2025 17:20

Get his hearing tested. Have seen numerous occasions where older man gets louder and louder and it’s only when they start putting the telly up to 50+ that someone else in the family realises it’s a hearing issue!

Toodaloo1567 · 14/04/2025 08:42

Older men do develop problems with being too loud. Probably due to hearing loss. Enormous sneezes, excessive throat clearing, trumpety farts, window-shattering coughs and ick-inducing slurping, mulchy chomping and lip smacking when eating. All you can do is make him aware that he has become noisy. My worry would be that he is letting his guard down at work. Loss of inhibition is also an early sign of dementia, btw.

AzurePanda · 14/04/2025 08:04

I really struggle with this. My dh thumps up and down the stairs so unbelievably loudly and I find it very stressful. When he empties the dishwasher he makes such a hideous amount of noise that I half expect to come downstairs and find just a pile of smashed plates.

jeaux90 · 14/04/2025 07:58

https://youtube.com/shorts/9yjQZLnbHaE?si=DCkRxAyR5eYTxG_M

reminded me of this OP just to try and lighten the mood a bit 😁

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 14/04/2025 07:34

So he isn't loud and gross out and about with others, only with you at home? And he doesn't even try to tone it down, while knowing you find it upsetting? I wonder if he's trying to force a split, but making sure you are the one instigating it.

Zanatdy · 14/04/2025 07:12

Sounds like you’ve got the ick. The burping is gross. My ex is so loud, even when he visits now he throws himself down on the sofa and I can hear creaking sometimes. He has the TV on so loud, I have it on 15 max, he has over 40. Grateful I don’t have to live with him anymore!

PoppyBaxter · 14/04/2025 07:10

Is he getting louder, or are you getting more intolerant?

I'm the same. I've been with DH for 20 years, and I'm finding myself wanting to climb the walls, almost in a panic, at the noises he makes.

None of this is helped by the fact he has a permanent issue with his ears, nose and throat. So there's lots of clearing of his throat, heavy breathing, and an audible whistling sound coming from his chest.

The sounds he makes when he eats are genuinely horrific to me, and he's got decent table manners. It's me, not him!

I try to keep myself under control, but spend a lot of my time in fight or flight mode because of it.

He will sometimes see me subtly slip out earplugs, because I've been secretly wearing them around the house!

Lurkingandlearning · 14/04/2025 04:16

Of course it isn’t OPs hearing that’s changed or she’d have the same problem with everyone every where. It isn’t his hearing either. Poor hearing doesn’t make you heavy footed nor does it make you forget how to burp discretely. He doesn’t do these things in public and he’s only recently started doing them.

You said he makes a joke of it despite being told more than once you don’t like it. I think what he finds funny is annoying you rather than the burping etc. That doesn’t bode well. Can you think of anything that has happened that has made him want to cause friction?

CSectionUncertainty · 14/04/2025 04:15

oh god not happy to hear this gets worse over time! My husband is ridiculously loud and we are late 30s. He bashes and clashes about and constantly makes me flinch when he does normal things like putting a plate down on the table. It’s like he trying to break things with the force he uses. Get a similar response of “can’t exist without getting complaints!” When I bring it up!

Fannybycandlelight · 14/04/2025 01:51

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

That was my first thought as well.

My husband has a degree of industrial deafness and doesn't realise how loudly he's talking.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2025 01:40

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

The fact that he might have a hearing problem was the first thing that came to my mind.

Semiramide · 14/04/2025 01:39

The problem isn't just that he is being loud and obnoxious. The problem is that he doesn't care that he upsets you. As a result you are getting the ick.

I fear this may not end well. Unless he has some truly outstanding redeeming qualities.

You need to ask him to stop, and if he doesn't, leave. This may seem extreme, but it will I only get worse - and it will grind you down over the years until, one day, it will make your life intolerable.

Festivespirit85 · 14/04/2025 01:30

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

I can't cope with eating/drinking noises. As soon as someone makes a slurp etc, I'm on them reminding them to stop. It induces a rage in me that makes me want to introduce their face to the wall or floor.

MrsRuthFisher · 13/04/2025 22:15

EilishMcCandlish · 13/04/2025 21:59

How old are you both?
I don't want to blame things on hormones, but I became massively over sensitive to sounds I would previously have found only mildly irritating as I hit perimenopause.

Same. I was about to ask if you're peri. I'm out the other side these days and it doesn't bother me nearly as much, but there were a couple of years where I could have cheerfully strangled him.

thestudio · 13/04/2025 22:06

He is getting more entitled and dominant as @Peony1897 said - and you, at 50, are passed the age when your hormones gaslight you into putting up with his gross fuckery.

Original poster
goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 22:03

I haven't had the same feeling or reaction to anyone else- despite a week with my family over Christmas and a week with his family in February, where I was with others for longer.

@myplace that's a good point. When we go out for dinner, he doesn't drink in the same way and never burps or sniffs like he does at home. Maybe he's just got really comfortable now?

In terms of age, we both turned 50 last year.

OP posts:
EilishMcCandlish · 13/04/2025 21:59

How old are you both?
I don't want to blame things on hormones, but I became massively over sensitive to sounds I would previously have found only mildly irritating as I hit perimenopause.