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AIBU?

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LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
Littlejellyuk · 14/04/2025 22:54

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

I haven't rtft yet, sorry, but I had similar with my hubby a while back.
Turns out he had sinus issues and tinnitus, which affected his hearing.
I got him hayfever tablets, saline net pot rinse, which helped to clear out his sinuses and and he went to the doctor for ear drops and nasal spray (and his hearing improved).
He genuinely didn't think his snorting and mouth breathing and so forth was loud.
He was pissing me off with the sheer cacophony of his existence 😆
Send your fella to the GP, and/or buy ear defenders (like I did) for some peace, or else you will want to slap him when he slurps or snores 😆

planthelpadvice · 14/04/2025 22:43

I know this isn't funny, but this thread is making me giggle. I am hugely sympathetic though. I'm reading it upstairs in bed accompanied by the stressful soundtrack of my husband unloading and re-loading the dishwasher down in the kitchen.

BaseDrops · 14/04/2025 22:30

EmmaWoodhouseOfHighbury · 14/04/2025 21:43

He's probably trying to annoy you because you're not giving him enough sex. That's always the reason men misbehave.

Giving him enough sex? What decade did this come from? He’s not on his best dating behaviour which would be the logical way to encourage OP to get it on.

Borgonzola · 14/04/2025 21:44

I didn’t know we have the same husband! GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

EmmaWoodhouseOfHighbury · 14/04/2025 21:43

He's probably trying to annoy you because you're not giving him enough sex. That's always the reason men misbehave.

OldCottageGreenhouse · 14/04/2025 21:38

I’ve never understood loud sneezes. Why aren’t these people keeping their mouth closed when they sneeze? You won’t explode! And you certainly don’t suffocate!

BountifulPantry · 14/04/2025 21:19

Seek revenge? What annoys him?

flower858 · 14/04/2025 21:06

I have just seen your age but was about to say are you pregnant? 🤣🙈 I am and I have less tolerance to that crap now and have to walk away 🙈 he needs to sort it out but maybe to help you some loop earplugs x

tictactoo · 14/04/2025 20:44

Op he sounds just like my mother shes the same always as been it had nothing to do with her age.
The noise you say he does i just could not put up with it it would send me in a rage.

Canttakeitanymore1 · 14/04/2025 20:41

I tell you, living alone is true bliss.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 14/04/2025 20:34

SInce DH turned 50 it's been a rapid descent! He's rude to people, unbelievably loud and seems to demand constant attention even if it's negative. He's as deaf as a post, was told by the GP and a hearing aid centre that he needed hearing aids but won't have a bar of it. As a result, he's got no idea how L O U D he is all the time. Loop earplugs (Engage type) are in my ears from when he gets up to when I got to bed. I could cheerfully murder him when he's eating. And the sniffing/throat clearing. DEAR GOD.

MasterBeth · 14/04/2025 20:33

Another bonkers Mumsnet thread where posters answer with extreme certainty on what's happening when THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW.

Maybe the OP's husband has lost his hearing. Maybe he hates her and is being obnoxious. Maybe she is becoming more sensitive.

All totally possible.

Please, OP, be mindful that no-one knows.

Henry8thHoover · 14/04/2025 20:28

@Cctviswatchingme001WTF are we married to the same bloke? Exactly the same here. Plus yanking door handles and nearly ripping the curtains off the pole cos he's so heavy handed with them.
Traipsing in and out of the bedroom. Once I lay in bed trying to have a nap and counted, 14 fucking times he came in. For fuck all.

It's attention seeking, especially if I'm still in bed. He has a 'one up, all up' mentality.

AutumnFroglets · 14/04/2025 19:55

This happened with my Ex. He just got noisier and noisier until I had to tell him to use his fucking inside voice. He even used to shout when sitting right next to me/kids or slamming things which made us jump, or even throwing bottles into the recycling at 1am, and most of the crockery now has chips where he's banged it about. I swear I was starting to get ptsd from it all. He was normal outside the home, it was just inside.

He wasn't losing his hearing - he just liked seeing us suddenly pay him attention/make us jump 🙄

iamnotalemon · 14/04/2025 19:39

To be honest, he annoys me just by reading your post so I can sympathise 🤣

AlphabettiTouretti · 14/04/2025 19:24

You could get a decibel meter (they're quite cheap, or I think you can access online versions which work via your phone mic) and measure just how loud his noises are. Then compare with "average sneeze volume" etc. See whether he is objectively over-loud.

Obviously you may not want to bother doing that. But it could be good to get neutral evidence on how much this is a "him problem."

CosyLemur · 14/04/2025 19:05

Probably hormone changes in your body! Has anyone else noticed he's louder or said anything?
I only ask because I (single mum) thought my kids were really loud. But when I went to stay with family for a month and complained about my kids eating loudly, shouting, walking like elephants the people I were staying with honestly didn't think they were being loud at all and they aren't the kind of people to lie about it. They genuinely couldn't hear all the small noises I could; I thought I was going mad.
It turned out it was peri-menopause.

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:51

Oh and don't get me started on the eating, it's vile. Our teenagers can't be in the room with him when he eats. His best friend in work won't sit with him anymore at lunch time because of the noise of him.

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

11thofNever · 14/04/2025 18:27

Op has already said he doesn't do these things in public. If it was due to his hearing he would.

bowsbunniesandbooks · 14/04/2025 17:59

I how old is he, does he have a loud job? I wonder if it’s his hearing that’s got worse over the time so he doesn’t know he’s being as loud as he is?

Lavachicken · 14/04/2025 17:58

I would look at his hearing, when I lost mine dh kept telling me I was loud and I honestly thought he was just being a overly sensitive and essentially picking on me for existing but I just was quite loud in everything I was doing and not realising

lolapops1 · 14/04/2025 17:57

Is it possible his hearing has changed?
Record him & show him it.

LividBoo · 14/04/2025 17:57

This thread is making my spine tingle so much.

Fucking vile specimens.

Thank god I'm on a vow of chastity and never living with one again.

ArtyFartyHippopotamus · 14/04/2025 17:56

You should hear my husband eat a banana! It’s literally a soft fruit, but the noise is just awful. He chews it with his mouth open and all I can hear is his mouth smacking together as he chews. I stopped buying them because of this. He is slightly older than your husband and never used to eat like this. He has also started licking food off his knife when he is eating so I put sharp steak knives out for every meal to try and stop him. If we are eating out he doesn’t eat this way so he can control his bad manners. If I say anything I get the same response as OP gets from her husband. 😑