LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

goingdeafithink · 2025-04-13T20:38:57+00:00

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home. We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring. I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'. I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/04/2025 12:35

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

This, basically

ladybirdsaredotty · 19/04/2025 11:52

Oh, and don't get me started on the whistling. I have to leave the room.

ladybirdsaredotty · 19/04/2025 11:50

We all have the same partner 😆
Mine SIGHS all the time. If he's putting the dishes away it genuinely makes me jump. Just so incredibly, unnecessarily LOUD. Oh god yes, the yelling out a sneeze. The children hate it. He doesn't seem to comprehend how to sneeze without bellowing. I could go on...

ChopstickNovice · 19/04/2025 11:29

My parents are 67 and 73 and BOTH like this!! They both burp loudly and fart loudly and clatter around. My dad sometimes blows raspberries when he's bored... I can't stand it my god. He also hums and grunts and occasionally eats with his mouth open. My mum doesn't do that at least.

Littlejellyuk · 19/04/2025 10:53

I remember years ago when a worked in an old family firm, they would get their foreman to come up to the office sometimes to doing some orders on the computer, so that the boss could run an errand (they were old pals).
This guy was at least 15 years older than me or more (I was 29) and my God this older chap was LOUD. He would cough, he would shout down the phone, and every now and again he would let out a huge loud SIGH, which would make me jump.
I asked him why? And he smiled and said sometimes I like to let out a very loud breath.
Yep deffo attention seeking behaviour.
It had me on edge, just no need really.

ArseofOrion · 17/04/2025 09:00

mine is quite clumsy and will drop things, yes also sneezes loudly which enrages me. He’s started semi shouting when he talks and my god when he’s on the phone to someone I can hear him booming away.
we’re on holiday at the moment and he keeps slamming the kitchen cupboards because apparently they’re different to the ones at home….

tbf he does make an effort to quieten himself down when told but, I tell him a lot….

my parents are similar too but they are genuinely going deaf. I have to put the subtitles on the tv because I just can’t bear the noise levels. If I’m talking to my dad I have to repeat myself after every sentence as he shouts “EH, WHAT”???

I often fantasise about being deaf tbh so I don’t have to listen to the noisy world around me.

DogMa73 · 17/04/2025 08:35

My ex was exactly the same. So noisy, I used to ask him if a sound effect was necessary for absolutely everything he did ??!
And wow, what a lot of very similar stories ?!
My personal view is this (especially if around mid life age) - women run out of fucks to give so are less tolerant of people being loud and selfishly irritating, and men also get to an age where they just can’t be arsed to make the effort required, and behave like wild beasts. They just don’t care and want to wallow in their own disgusting-ness ! Also, I’m thinking perhaps they have hit an age where they feel less seen, heard or relevant ? As they eek towards the end of their careers, and are not required to procreate anymore ? It’s definitely attention seeking behaviour, but only if they knew, it makes them look like children (silly annoying ones at that) ?
I did not end my relationship because of this, but it certainly didn’t help - and it was definitely getting worse over the years. He was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, not sure if this has any bearing ? I only hope his new gf soon realizes the horrors of his excruciatingly loud belching and farting (amongst other things) ! What might be comical at first soon becomes very ick- inducing…

springbringshope · 16/04/2025 14:47

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

I don’t think it’s just men. I think women too get to the menopause and start thinking ‘fuck it. I don’t care anymore’ and we take our space

I do know around menopause women can develop misophonia at the same time men start develop nasal drip and cough and sneeze more.

TheLurpackYears · 16/04/2025 14:37

In my case exh was being a sadistic shitbag.
I could never cope with loud and intrusive noises and has he grew to hate me he made the most of my suffering

Littlejellyuk · 16/04/2025 14:34

Henry8thHoover · 14/04/2025 20:28

@Cctviswatchingme001WTF are we married to the same bloke? Exactly the same here. Plus yanking door handles and nearly ripping the curtains off the pole cos he's so heavy handed with them.
Traipsing in and out of the bedroom. Once I lay in bed trying to have a nap and counted, 14 fucking times he came in. For fuck all.

It's attention seeking, especially if I'm still in bed. He has a 'one up, all up' mentality.

14 times!!! 😆 I would wanna murder him 😆

Littlejellyuk · 16/04/2025 14:33

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. 😆 🤣 😂 this still makes me chuckle 😆

Alwaysinamood · 16/04/2025 09:57

I doubt it’s his hearing. They’re all Neanderthal animals at this age. My husband is the same, he’s disgusting. We went for a walk in the lakes and he kept blowing his nose out on the ground cos he had no tissues. He farts all the time, belches, I can hear him eating cereal through closed doors and I have to constantly tell him to close his mouth sometimes. They must all descend back into apes or something. He’s always stomped around heavy footed drives me mad.

Mountainfrog · 15/04/2025 11:51

I would go with misphonia plus peri depending on your age. It’s also possible that he is getting louder but the rage/panic/needing to leave the room bit sounds like misphonia. It’s really common.

thestudio · 15/04/2025 11:40

Men whistling comes from exactly the same place.

It makes my blood boil.

outofofficeagain · 15/04/2025 08:47

My DH demands attention like a toddler. It’s exhausting.

constant talking out loud to no one in particular, stomping around the place etc.

He makes the mirror shake when he comes to bed and turns the light on even if I’m asleep. Does Duolingo loudly the minute he wakes up.

I’m sick of asking him not to and now sleep with an eye mask and noise cancelling ear plugs/headphones.

I often wear noise cancelling headphones around the house.

I’ve explained to him that I’ve become very sensitive and to noise 🤔 so if he wants my attention he’ll have to ask me
something directly.

I think some men become obsessed with taking up space.

Fannybycandlelight · 15/04/2025 08:40

Maybe play him this op ?

mewkins · 15/04/2025 08:36

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

This sounds horrendous but the "violently applying hair gel' did make me laugh.

Inhave no tolerance for this level of noise and I remember my mum asking my dad why he was being so LOUD.

LovelySG · 15/04/2025 08:20

My husband is loud. Bursts into a room, talks really loudly, has music on - too loud - wherever he is, coughs like a seal at the circus, telly volume too loud, shouting at sport on the telly.

I fantasise about stabbing him.

Fannybycandlelight · 15/04/2025 08:15

Toodaloo1567 · 14/04/2025 08:42

Older men do develop problems with being too loud. Probably due to hearing loss. Enormous sneezes, excessive throat clearing, trumpety farts, window-shattering coughs and ick-inducing slurping, mulchy chomping and lip smacking when eating. All you can do is make him aware that he has become noisy. My worry would be that he is letting his guard down at work. Loss of inhibition is also an early sign of dementia, btw.

Oh noooo ! Please stop it !

I've just read this and spilled my tea with laughing.

Has my husband moved into your house?

(If so I wish you would keep him - and the trumpety farts 😆)

Topseyt123 · 15/04/2025 02:23

None of this would really register on the radar in our house.

I am quite a loud sneezer (and often farter too), as is DH. We each just blame the other and laugh about it. We used to blame the dog, but he is sadly no longer with us

We're all different though. If you don't like it then you don't, I suppose.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 15/04/2025 00:30

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

That's really interesting. I have an elderly neighbour who makes a lot of noise of exactly this kind. I can hear him very loudly when he goes up or down the building stairs. Never thought it was a male thing, but now that you mentioned, I've never seen an elderly woman doing the same...

Humpsr · 15/04/2025 00:06

Have you children?
If not, make your plans.
He sounds like an uncouth pig.
You rightly have the ick, it will only get worse.
That he can turn it on and off is a huge issue.
Tell him and if he refuses to work with you, have a think.
Your ick will turn into revulsion unfortunately.

Littlejellyuk · 14/04/2025 23:34

You could always fight fire with fire?
Maybe start farting loudly, followed by scratching your arse when he's next to you slurping his fizzy pop? If he complains about the unladylike behaviour, then burp and say I only behave like a lady when there is a gentleman present. 😆

Littlejellyuk · 14/04/2025 23:27

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

I've just cried pure tears from laughing 😂

StrangerOnline · 14/04/2025 22:57

I thought you’ve caught ‘the ick ‘ as soon as I read this.
Probably brought on by the fact that he has stopped making any effort to be polite.

The coughing and sneezing can’t really be helped nor, to a lesser extent, the walking heavily but the burping, and the slurping while drinking is just rude. Especially as it is not as bad while you’re out in public.

No idea how you address it though. If he just takes it as you being grumpy and moaning and isn’t listening to you seriously then I think things will just get worse and worse.
Sorry