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Original poster

To contacted a friend who is ghosting me

31 replies

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 14:29

I know some friendships can fade out but how do you deal with a friend who is ghosting you and completely ignoring you?

A friend who I've been good friends with for the past eight years has suddenly stopped contacting me. We haven't fallen out or anything.

We met at work and clicked straight away because we share the same sense of humour. However, she does have a down side where she can be snappy for no reason and for this reason some people at work couldn't take to her fully,

I went away with her for a week two years ago and it wasn't the laugh and fun I thought it would be as she was snappy with me for no reason but I let it go.

She met some new friends about two years ago whilst she was away on her own and she did change after that. They are the party boozy types were I am not anymore. She was suddenly all for them but still met me and kept in contact with me but spent our whole meetings just going on about them and texting them. Not that I am jealous as I have other friends but I don't behave like that. I felt she was being rude.

Anyway we were in touch via Facebook messenger daily until January of this year when she replied to my text when I asked her if she was OK as I hadn't heard from her for a week and she said she was fine and with her son for his birthday and that she would message me the next day. I have heard nothing from her since.

I messaged her to ask if she was OK, still no reply. I left it a few days and messeged her again, still nothing. But then I noticed that she was active on Facebook so knew she was OK at least. Then came the photos of her being away with these other friends boozing and partying. I put a comment on her post, tagging her in, to say I am glad that she's OK as I had been concerned about her but no response, even though she's replied to other people who have commented the post.

I feel loathed to contact her again but it hurts that she is treating me like this. She used to tell me that she thought a lot of me as a friend. She even asked me to go and view a flat with her that she had been offered two years ago as she valued my opinion.

Should I try and contact her again or forget her but how can I move on from it?

OP posts:
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cramptramp · 13/04/2025 18:08

She’s no friend and not a nice person. Let her go.

YiayiaP · 13/04/2025 18:06

Speaking from the other side… I phased out a friend after she made some awful comments that didn’t align with my own values. I was shocked at the time and told her so. It gave me chance to reflect on our friendship and I realised that it was exhausting me, and it was totally one sided (in that she constantly spoke about herself but never asked about me.) I’m not saying this is what’s happened here, but she will have a valid (to her) reason. Move on and nurture other friendships xx

Moonlightdust · 13/04/2025 17:36

Not nice ghosting but maybe the daily chats were too much for her? You said you hadn’t heard from her in a week and messaged again - if I haven’t heard from my BFF in a week I don’t bat an eyelid as we’ve both got such busy lives. Maybe your communication styles are just very different?

Hollyaddy · 13/04/2025 17:30

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 14:29

I know some friendships can fade out but how do you deal with a friend who is ghosting you and completely ignoring you?

A friend who I've been good friends with for the past eight years has suddenly stopped contacting me. We haven't fallen out or anything.

We met at work and clicked straight away because we share the same sense of humour. However, she does have a down side where she can be snappy for no reason and for this reason some people at work couldn't take to her fully,

I went away with her for a week two years ago and it wasn't the laugh and fun I thought it would be as she was snappy with me for no reason but I let it go.

She met some new friends about two years ago whilst she was away on her own and she did change after that. They are the party boozy types were I am not anymore. She was suddenly all for them but still met me and kept in contact with me but spent our whole meetings just going on about them and texting them. Not that I am jealous as I have other friends but I don't behave like that. I felt she was being rude.

Anyway we were in touch via Facebook messenger daily until January of this year when she replied to my text when I asked her if she was OK as I hadn't heard from her for a week and she said she was fine and with her son for his birthday and that she would message me the next day. I have heard nothing from her since.

I messaged her to ask if she was OK, still no reply. I left it a few days and messeged her again, still nothing. But then I noticed that she was active on Facebook so knew she was OK at least. Then came the photos of her being away with these other friends boozing and partying. I put a comment on her post, tagging her in, to say I am glad that she's OK as I had been concerned about her but no response, even though she's replied to other people who have commented the post.

I feel loathed to contact her again but it hurts that she is treating me like this. She used to tell me that she thought a lot of me as a friend. She even asked me to go and view a flat with her that she had been offered two years ago as she valued my opinion.

Should I try and contact her again or forget her but how can I move on from it?

I say this with kindness. Take the hint she is giving you and don't contact her again.

She sounds hard work and You are well rid. But she's rude and a coward.

It's not nice when it happens but it happens more than people realise.

Don't embarrass yourself by contacting her again.

WhatNoRaisins · 13/04/2025 17:25

It's a tricky one, ghosting and phasing out doesn't feel nice but I'm yet to find an example of a successful friendship exit interview either.

Agree with PP, you won't get closure here and the least worst option for you is to let it go.

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 13/04/2025 17:23

GeorgianaM · 13/04/2025 17:20

The relationship has ended and she has moved on.

Don't go chasing her when she's already made it clear she has dropped you.

Some people can't face the, 'I wish you well but I've made new friends now.. ' conversation. That shows her lack of character.

Really, truly genuinely I'd prefer a friend to phase me out than say to my face they don't want to be friends anymore, particularly if they attach a reason to it!

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 13/04/2025 17:21

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 13/04/2025 17:18

I have a friend a bit like this. What she doesn't seem to understand is that I don't always want her showing 'concern' for me. If I don't contact her it's because I don't want to. She's the type of person that would be on the phone every day. I'm not.

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Same, it's all so intense. I realised my friend had never replied positively to 'how are you?' in the last 10 years. When she phoned me on my birthday and I asked how she was, she immediately sighed and said 'well you know...' and my heart just sank. We did end up having a good catch up but still, all a bit glum. It's all 'concern' and sad faces and support. Maybe OP's friend just wants to have some fun for a bit.

Endofyear · 13/04/2025 17:20

Sorry OP but take the hint and stop contacting her. She obviously, for whatever reason, doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore. Friendships sometimes wane and fizzle out for many reasons, just let it go and concentrate on your other friendships.

GeorgianaM · 13/04/2025 17:20

The relationship has ended and she has moved on.

Don't go chasing her when she's already made it clear she has dropped you.

Some people can't face the, 'I wish you well but I've made new friends now.. ' conversation. That shows her lack of character.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 13/04/2025 17:18

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:11

Yes I know but I was merely showing concern, that's all. I am that type of person who shows concern about people.

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I have a friend a bit like this. What she doesn't seem to understand is that I don't always want her showing 'concern' for me. If I don't contact her it's because I don't want to. She's the type of person that would be on the phone every day. I'm not.

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 13/04/2025 17:17

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:11

Yes I know but I was merely showing concern, that's all. I am that type of person who shows concern about people.

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But it won't have looked like real concern, because you knew she was out and OK? Like a previous poster said, it would have looked like passive aggression.

Why would you need to show concern for someone who was posting happy photos of herself partying with friends?

I think you might just need to accept, sad as it is, she doesn't want to be your friend.

steff13 · 13/04/2025 17:16

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:11

Yes I know but I was merely showing concern, that's all. I am that type of person who shows concern about people.

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I am also the type of person who shows concern about people. But this message and the message that you put on your friend's Facebook post both come across as a little passive aggressive.

BeaAndBen · 13/04/2025 17:16

Posting on her Facebook photos showing her out having fun to say you’re relieved she’s OK is definitely passive aggressive.

You can see perfectly well that she’s fine and just hasn’t been in touch. Posting about it on her photos (possibly ones with other people tagged?) is basically having a public moan that she’s ignoring you for other people.

She hasn’t ghosted you. Ghosting is blocking and deleting, vanishing of the face of the earth. She just hasn’t bothered to reply. Your friendship has drifted.

You come across as a bit intense (or dramatic?) about it. Maybe she pulled back as she’s not in that phase with you anymore.

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:11

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 13/04/2025 17:09

But you knew she was OK because you put it on a post of her out partying with her friends?

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Yes I know but I was merely showing concern, that's all. I am that type of person who shows concern about people.

OP posts:
SomethingInnocuousForNow · 13/04/2025 17:09

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:02

I am hardly being a stalker! I messaged her to check that she was OK as for all I know she could be been ill or anything could have happened. I put the comment on her Facebook post just to let her know I was concerned about her. That's not stalking someone, its being a concerned friend. I have not messaged her since.

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But you knew she was OK because you put it on a post of her out partying with her friends?

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:07

Thank you for those of you who have responded positvely and can understand my situation.

I will not be contacting this friend anymore and see if she contacts me, if she doesn't then she doesn't, time to move on. Thank you.

OP posts:
Pillarsofsalt · 13/04/2025 17:06

She has behaved badly to you and you are allowed to feel bad about that. Try not to chase her any further and instead focus your energy on friends who treat you well.

Original poster
pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:06

pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:02

I am hardly being a stalker! I messaged her to check that she was OK as for all I know she could be been ill or anything could have happened. I put the comment on her Facebook post just to let her know I was concerned about her. That's not stalking someone, its being a concerned friend. I have not messaged her since.

Show quote history

Sorry, also as for the messaging every day, she was more than happy with that. In fact she used to often message me asking me where I was. There was also a time when I had fallen asleep on my sofa and she rang me to ask why I wasn't online as she was concerned about me. I class that as her wanting a friendship and being concerned about me. I didn't think she was stalking me for one minute so why should she think I am stalking her?

OP posts:
Original poster
pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:04

ItGhoul · 13/04/2025 15:58

She’s a friend you drifted apart from, not a fiancé who jilted you at the altar. You’re being a bit intense.

If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn’t have ignored your previous messages. Just take the very obvious hint and leave her alone. She’s made that very clear by not engaging with you. It was also weird of you to message her repeatedly when she didn’t reply the first time.

You obviously didn’t get on very well together when you went on holiday with her and as a result, she probably realised the friendship had run its course. She is allowed to have other friends and she is allowed to go out drinking with them and she is allowed to be online without answering messages. You need to accept that she isn’t interested.

Yes she is allowed to have other friends, like I am allowed to have other friends which I have. I just don't like being ignored for no reason, the same as most people would feel I can imagine. Its not being intense, its just wondering what happened to a friendship and why I am being ignored for no reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
pussinboots61 · 13/04/2025 17:02

WallaceinAnderland · 13/04/2025 15:36

Oh I don't know, maybe having to contact each other every day just became a bit too much for her. You asked if she was ok, she said she was. Then you asked again. And again. And then asked again publicly tagging her.

It's a bit stalkerish. Is there any reason why you would genuinely think she was not ok when she's posting about being out with friends? I think was that was a passive aggressive post from you and can see why she might be pissed off.

I am hardly being a stalker! I messaged her to check that she was OK as for all I know she could be been ill or anything could have happened. I put the comment on her Facebook post just to let her know I was concerned about her. That's not stalking someone, its being a concerned friend. I have not messaged her since.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 13/04/2025 15:58

She’s a friend you drifted apart from, not a fiancé who jilted you at the altar. You’re being a bit intense.

If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn’t have ignored your previous messages. Just take the very obvious hint and leave her alone. She’s made that very clear by not engaging with you. It was also weird of you to message her repeatedly when she didn’t reply the first time.

You obviously didn’t get on very well together when you went on holiday with her and as a result, she probably realised the friendship had run its course. She is allowed to have other friends and she is allowed to go out drinking with them and she is allowed to be online without answering messages. You need to accept that she isn’t interested.

Mary46 · 13/04/2025 15:41

Yes move on. Respect works both ways. Focus on new friends. It is not nice op. I lost a 20 yr friend it did hurt. But once my trust goes thats it.

Trickabrick · 13/04/2025 15:38

Kindly OP, she isn’t interested in the friendship you had previously. Her non-response to you IS a response by default, and it’s telling you she doesn’t feel the same as you.

WallaceinAnderland · 13/04/2025 15:36

Oh I don't know, maybe having to contact each other every day just became a bit too much for her. You asked if she was ok, she said she was. Then you asked again. And again. And then asked again publicly tagging her.

It's a bit stalkerish. Is there any reason why you would genuinely think she was not ok when she's posting about being out with friends? I think was that was a passive aggressive post from you and can see why she might be pissed off.

ExpatMum41 · 13/04/2025 15:34

I'd leave it at that, if I were you.. sadly, she's shown her true colours, though from the sounds of it she'd already begun to on your disastrous holiday.

You have other friends, others who truly care about you. Focus on them xx