As the title says. Married for 3 years. 2 kids under 2. We're just arguing all the time. Antenatal and PND with both pregnancies- this time around it seems infinitely worse. Not feeling suicidal but finding myself not wanting to exist most of the time. I no longer trust my perception of events, or my standard of what us normal and healthy in our relationship. Some things that he does and has said:
- I sleep on the sofa with the newborn, he sleeps in our room with the toddler. Mainly because my husband gets really grouchy if he hasn't slept. I've slept once in our bed since giving birth 8 weeks ago- this was the night he wanted sex.
- When I mentioned that my back hurt, he told me his back was worse.
- Most mornings he asks how many hours sleep I've had like it's a competition of whose had the worse night
- On weekends, he would prefer to sleep in rather than help me out with the kids and gsve breakfast together.
- I'm triple feeding because of low supply. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, then pumping 6x a day. I also take care of 80% of the toddler's needs even at weekends. A couple of timrs a week he'll feed her food I've prepared, put her to sleep, or take her outside. He refuses to change Nappies anymore.
- I do all the laundry and cooking. He does the grocery shop, a couple of time a week he'll wash the dishes.
- We spend very little time together despise my urging and he seems to think it's my fault. I can't help but fall asleep early with the kids. We don't go out at weekends. Don't watch things together. I'm mostly eating meals alone since he goes out most evenings to see friends or play sports.
- No birthday gifts
- He takes most of my suggestions re the kids as criticisms. For example if I'm holding the baby and the toddler starts crying, I'll suggest we swap since I've meal prepped her meals, have a routine for her taking a nap etc. He's assume I'm suggesting he cannot take care of his children.
- Similarly if I suggest I need more help around the house, or that he could do with being more considerate, he'll take this really personally and accused me attacking him.
- He makes it difficult for me to manage the household and then blames me for things not getting done. For example, toddler needs a new mattress and doesn't have bed sheets- I have mentioned this to him numerous times. I don't have access to his money, and my funds are limited since having the first child. He is averse to sitting down and discussing what the family/household needs, or to make plans for us as a family wrt day trips, holidays etc
There's other stuff but this is what comes to mind. I have a part to play in all of this. I am veey highly strung, struggling a lot with anxiety, have trouble communicating. So I am responsible in part for the less than ideal situation of my marriage. But to what extent, I don't know.
Thanks if you got this far. Please be kind in your responses.