To think how you look is still essentially the most influential thing in how people treat you?

As I get older, I find that the types of people who pay me less attention are the type I don’t want attention from anyway.

Im attractive in a general sense - I have symmetrical features, a standard body shape and I’ve turned heads from men all my life - and I hate it. I don’t have the outgoing personality to go with it and don’t like any male attention. I’m nearing 40 now, and have noticed changes in my face in recent years, and that means less attention from Leary men - and I am more than happy with that.

The older I get, the more I know myself and that’s golden. Ive noticed I am also treated better by women as I get older, and that’s nice too. I don’t have a friendship group where we all look the same, that’s so weird.

People who care what you look like are insecure in themselves, and compare your level of ‘beauty’ to your value. I know this, as this has been me. To not care, is freeing, empowering and when life really begins.

Oh and a great way to decifer if a man is a decent person is seeing how he treats unattractive women. Virtually all men can be nice to women they want to fuck....watch them with women they don't want to.

I'm a people watcher...when I did the school run I used to observe who were the most popular women amongst other mums... overwhelmingly they were attractive but in a very non intimidating, non sexy way.

Yep. I’ve lost just over 4 stone in the last 6 months and people are much nicer to me now, I’ve had a lifetime of being fat, I was obese in primary school, have had insults related to be8ng fat hurled at me on nights out, or just while walking down the street shouted out the window of cars as people drive past.

Now I’m size 12/14 people smile and say hi, they are more polite in shops and other public areas, it’s horribly glaring how much people judge and treat people based on shallow aesthetics.

I am 61, homely and dumpy and it is interesting watching the way others interact from the space of invisibility.

Pretty women get treated both well and horribly.
Striking women - could be looks, height, could be "put togetheredness", or confidence, have the ability to just walk through a room and garner positive comment.

That happened to me with road workers! I’d put on 5 stone. Very jarring.

Yes good looking people get treated better automatically. However, when you’re good looking and over 25, I think it’s down to confidence, because not everyone has the same standard of beauty. People who’ve always been treated well will walk with their head held up, never cower apologetically and people will respond to that.

If you carry yourself with confidence you will be treated well. If you think you’re ugly and hold yourself small, you’ll be treated like a loser. You can be fat, and ‘ugly’ and walk into a room with your head held high, speaking with confidence and assertiveness like you are entitled to be there, and the seas will part.

If it bothers you then you can get it back. I’m mid 40s and feel better than I ever have and more visible than ever.

I would add to this that I think often attractive people get targeted by arseholes, particularly in dating. I knew a guy at work who was awful to women, cheated on every partner, super shallow and selfish - he deliberately went after and is now marrying a beautiful girl and I feel sorry for her.

If you aren't beautiful you're probably not going to be targeted by shallow dickheads in the same way.

@Enigma53 that's hard to read. I'm sorry you have experienced that.

hope your chemo has a succesful outcome.

When I had hair, people looked at me normally. Now ( due to chemo) I don’t have hair and people either stare or offer a head tilted half smile. Both fuck me right off. We remain a very judgmental society where looks are concerned ( in my view).

Yes, I agree, especially for women

This supports rather than proves the point - you are describing a range of very average people with different short comings. There are always outliers but my basic point is about looks projection overall rather than how people dress which in many groups is so similar but that's not the point.

It's that taking the whole overall look into account, people who score a 10 for facial beauty, style elegance and so on, tend to be friends with people scoring 9 or 10 too. I'm talking about objectively here so while people might argue about who is the most beautiful person which is subjective, there are objective standards. No one could credibly argue that a young Elizabeth Taylor, Sophia Loren, Claudia Schiffer and so on were ugly and not in the top % looks wise.

The 5s will be in groups of people who would be scoring 4s, 5s, and 6s.

The less than average looks congrate in friendship groups, the average congregate in average looks frienships groups, the exceptionally beautiful congregrate in exceptionally beautiful friendship groups. Then on top of that there is usually an overlay of similarity in basic style and income range. People wearing head to toe Loro Piana are unlikely to be sitting around with people wearing head to toe Primark.

My basic point was @Uglybugly1985 s point about looks though. Although you may get one or two out of range, most core friendship groups have people of similar attractiveness.

It certainly is the case in the north west. It’s been driving me mad.

You don’t get a lot of time in interviews to correct a weird concept that someone has in their head about how you’re likely to perform in jobs based on what you look like and weird local yokel regional trends.

It was very much not the case in the Midlands of 10 years ago - most places were specifically training to not judge people and promote inclusivity.

I think this is broadly true. Fortunately the beautiful female friends I have aren’t like this, which is how we’re friends!

I grew up completely oblivious to looks and how I looked, didn’t wear makeup for years and it’s only over time I’ve realised how much you’re judged on them. The positive is you’re ruled out by the bitchy women as friends and the shallow men for relationships which saves a lot of heartache.

I saw this in my 20s/early 30s but from the other side. I was always a slim size 8 but curvy (large boobs, hips) with a fairly pretty face. I found that in professional situations I was often instantly dismissed as a dolly bird, possibly exacerbated by my noticeable but not strong Scouse accent.

Working in a mid senior role for a large corporate based in the City of London/ the South East, in an industry with lots of middle class, older, sometimes privately educated white men from the Home Counties, I was regularly underestimated, dismissed and subject to assumptions being made about me and my capabilities. Thankfully these men usually only misjudged me once, as it was always quickly apparent that I was knowledgeable, capable and in my role due to my talent, drive and ability.

I’m now early 40s, still a size 8-10, still busty (albeit the ladies are more affected by gravity than they used to be!), with some lines and grey hairs proliferating by the week, but I do find those kind of dismissive encounters much, much rarer.

Good looking people are treated differently for sure. But then they also get lots of attention that they don't want.
Old people like me..63..get none unless they look outrageous, like Barbara Cartland 😂

Sadly it’s true. I gained four stone very quickly - pregnancy, boredom from staying at home. And the difference in treatment was extremely pronounced. Perfect example, if I were to bump into a man at the supermarket he would laugh it off and even smile when I apologised. Same scenario when I was fat and I would get a scowl/dirty look. I still thought I was pretty but just big.

life sadly is not very fair

Yesterday I read “You don’t notice you have a red carpet under your feet when your entire world is a red carpet.” Re: youth and looks.

Over the years I’ve decided it’s better not to be too good looking. Women bristle and quickly try to find something wrong with you and men decide you’re “fuckable” before you’ve even said anything.

I don’t know that being a natural beauty is essential but I do think people respond better to those who are well-groomed, in shape and generally look like they take care of themselves. Perhaps it’s chicken and egg in that those people are also more likely to be confident and outgoing.

I am no beauty but I am relatively fit and trim, keep my hair and eyebrows looking tidy and take care of my nails, skin and teeth. It helps my confidence levels no end. The worst I’ve ever felt was on both mat leaves when I didn’t have any time to look after myself.

I disagree with you.

personally I’m in my 20s and slim and attractive and there’s many places I go where people don’t take me seriously. Even today, I’m dealing with John Lewis sending me a faulty item and being difficult with arranging the return.

Whereas I actually think someone who looks how you sound would probably get better customer service from John Lewis as they won’t be looking down on you like you’re a child/try to pull the wool over your eyes!

It doesn’t matter how bright or kind you are if people are intending to stereotype you

I don’t think that’s at all true. I was out for dinner with three friends last weekend. All fiftyish. One of us is carefully and sexily dressed, very slim, with hair extensions, Botox and full make up, one slim-built with a blonde crop, wearing the yoga clothes in which she’s just taught a class, has her bike helmet and hi-vis slung over her chair and is wearing dark glasses indoors to hide an eye stye, one is pale, plumpish and wearing slouchy Cos and Oska and biker boots, and one is a pretty, freckled athletically-built redhead wearing jeans and a gilet.

Pretty privilege is real, but nothing beats confidence.

YANBU but I think it's only for first impressions and then people decide on your personality, actions etc

I was definitely striking when I was young, with an extremely good figure. I have noticed the invisibility creeping in since my mid-40s. I no longer command attention. It is weird as when I was younger I was not really aware of this. It is only since it has gone that I have started to wonder how many opportunities I have had due to my looks having been part of it.